#gonecold

Each one teaches me a hurt that damages me more than before. The first- physical and basic psychological abuse. I was hit once, told to horrible things more than twice, forgiving him was my vice. Left vulnerable to a destructive force. I thought I couldn’t feel anything worse.

But the second showed deception and thievery. I was stolen of truth and lead to a trap. I love you, I’ll be here, I’ll support you, I’ll build you up and you do the same for me, we’ll get out of these towns together and go to college somewhere better. We’ll be together. 200 million feathers can drown a human under it’s weight. I’m drowning in his lies and this pain is my fate.

And the last. The last wasn’t real. But I wished. I wished for a connection, a simple kinship. I just didn’t want to slip. I didn’t want to fall. I couldn’t take any of it at all. But I cared. I cared for the last, but the last revealed to me what it felt like to be stabbed in the heart by tossing away an act of kindness. I felt my big heart go cold. I felt the light in my eyes burn out. The hope in my essence had run out.

A river run dry.