It's been almost a month since the very first same-sex I do’s were traded in the Big Apple. And if you guys know anything about months, you know it's just about the perfect amount of time for these same-sex newlyweds to get their crazy gay tentacles into the American psyche and make HUGE changes to our way of life. We know you've probably got so many questions...Two people of the same sex living together? What in the world are they doing behind closed doors?? They're not just roommates...they’re married....you're saying they're in love? Love? Ha! Probably just a façade they put on in front of the general public. HUH?! What sort of plots are they orchestrating in their alternative lifestyle living rooms?

This is an alternative lifestyle living room.

Well, lucky for you we did some investigative reporting, snuck into the apartment of some lesbian newlyweds and recorded the following conversation. Because now that marriage laws in New York are changed for gay couples, we DEMAND to know their personal lives.

What you are about to read has been transcribed verbatim from the tapes. Only the names have been changed to protect the identities of the people we spied on. Plus, we didn’t like the names CeCe and Sheryl. Oh. DAMN IT.

EXCLUSIVE: Uncovering the Devious Plots of Same-Sex Domestics Color Commentary Provided by Ladiez Home Journal

Dana: Hi honey! How was work?

Work? And by work do you mean pushing gay agendas in our faces?

Kate: Work was great! The boss is really starting to like my ideas.

Yes! Reveal all your secret plans and blueprints for world infection.

Dana: Oh that's great to hear! Well, dinner is almost ready. Dan and Carol should be coming over soon for dinner.

Nooooo! A heterosexual couple has fallen to the dark side.

Kate: Smells delicious.

It does smell good...that must be how they get you. Lace your food with gay poison Dan! Carol! Watch out for the Goison!!

Dana: Thanks babe!

Let's hope they get to the good stuff , like evil plots and dark secrets.

Kate: You are just the best. Here, let me go walk the dog and I'll come back and help you set the table.

Walk the dog! HA! Probably a metaphor for SEX SEX SEX. She's probably heading to a bestiality rally.

Dana: Wait did you hear that?

Kate: Hear what?

LadiezHJ: We CAUGHT you!

Kate: I think we caught you...what are you doing in the potted plant on our deck?

LadiezHJ: No we caught you just in time. You were about to run off to campaign for polygamous relationships with your human and iguana lovers.

Dana: We're about to have a dinner party, and I'm pretty sure you're trespassing.

LadiezHJ: Hey wait a minute, we have that exact same china pattern. And that's my favorite wine you're pouring!

Kate: I'm calling the police.

LadiezHJ: RUNNNN!