Sometimes the positivity feels fake, or forced, or like i never even had it in the first place when i get into my lows. It gets dangerous in my head, cause i know im doing well, and moving forward. But a little part of me is always like "yeah ok but what if you killed yourself? would any of this matter in the end?" And whats even scarier is that sometimes i dont have an answer. I dunno why or where this emptiness comes from, or where it goes in the moments between, or if it really is always there, just sitting in the back of our mind, waiting to play its tricks of telling us how we don't really matter, or how nobody would genuinely care if we just, disappeared or did die, because we're already so easily forgotten or overlooked.

I saw someone who reminded me of you today. But their bone structure wasn't quite right to be you tho. I complimented their hair just to hear them speak. To see if it really was you or not.