#godworn

@godworn

     SHE DIDN'T expect a cake. Not because she thought he'd forget, but because with every passing year it's easier to slip and forget there's people that care about this day and don't simply acknowledge it as any other on the calendar. She can't tell if her forgetfulness is a tell-tale sign - that she's growing closer to death every day, that every turn of the year her fate is pulled up by skilled hands and examined to see if the right time for her sacrifice has come - still; a familiar yet unexpected warmth spreads inside her chest when she walks inside Miles' kitchen and sees the cake on the table. She doesn't even notice the imperfections (nor will she taste them; it'll be delicious, like every other dish he has ever cooked and she has ever tasted), her gaze completely captured by the glitter shimmering under the kitchen lamp and the intentions behind such a simple gesture.

      She looks up at Miles and - and, they have such little time left together, don’t they. It’s not a rush against time, not when both of them are headed towards a fate they can’t avoid; rather, it’s a matter of knowing who will let go of the other’s hand first, leaving her or him to deal with grief and her or his future on their own. Chris knows it well. She looks at the cake and knows it might be the last one. Next April swallows might come back and there won’t be anyone sitting at this very table; or there might not be a guest running in, all wild hair and golden eyes and fires that can’t be extinguished. Inevitable; not quite sad. Simply a fact of life, as easy as breathing or knowing daisies are blooming between cracks in the concrete. And this, this means she will cherish this moment even more.

HE HAS never quite been up to date with Sy's romantic life, but in his defense there has never really been one. He did know about a few of his occasional flings and relationships made to last but few days right from the get-go, but as far as his brother was fine and free of any worry Gwenaël had no reason to be concerned. Easy to see why the newest development has pleasantly surprised him. A name mentioned times and times again, accompanied by a sense of stability and deeply rooted feelings he's never heard in Sy's tales before. He can't help but fear the moment his youngest sibling will outlive his lover, however he won't let any thought of this sort ruin his happiness. There will be time for thinking, not now - not as he's making his way through the chatting crowd of the venue to approach the man he saw in Sy's company right before the gig started, a couple of hours ago.

(And Sy did well to warn Miles about it, just so y'know my big brother's here tonight too, might come 'round t'say hi t' you later if he sees you, don't worry 'bout it, he's got a thin' for makin' people feel at ease. He ain't gonna eat you. And he laughed.)

some meme || @godworn​

     "THAT A nice way t’ say I’m too small an’ could fall in a crack in th’ steps?” Well, maybe he can’t, but the staircase leading to the basement do look like they have seen much better days. The wooden planks creak and bend under every single step, and the torch Miles is holding doesn’t do much to help them avoid the less safe spots to walk on. Falling wouldn’t do much damage to either of them, but well, Sy isn’t really into the idea of ending this date abruptly just because he got stabbed in the chest by a rusty pipe. Or whatever else is hiding down here. The building above is rather normal, far more normal than other places they have broken into, but who knows what could be hiding down here. For now only the stench and humidity of closed environments, apparently, but a start regardless.

@godworn

HE KNOWS this is not real. He knows it because they are sitting on top of the famous red truck he never had a chance to see, because the night around them is incredibly quiet - no owls screeching, no leaves rustling while dancing in the wind, no signs that there are any lifeforms except for the two of them right here and now. A finger traces one of the dark lines on Miles' forearm, and Sy doesn't marvel at its stillness, the same way he isn't surprised to feel warmth seeping from the other's skin. He knows better than fooling himself and believing this is real. Sleep isn't a necessity for his kind - no tiredness coming from lack of rest, no grogginess upon awakening - and dreams are a rarity, but he will devote hours of his endless time to them if it means he has another chance to see Miles again. It won't change anything, it won't change the fact that this boy doesn't exist anymore and vanished from the world while Sy held him in his arms and saw the last sparkle of Miles Upshur's consciousness flick out inside his eyes, but it's a comfort of sorts. A placebo of sorts to help himself get back on his feet. A few more chances to say goodbye before being left to deal with his grief alone, trying to figure out how to undo the garbled mass that replaced his heart.

(He has thought about this, but he has never confessed it to Miles in these brief encounters, just like he might never tell Gwen nor any of his siblings, except for maybe his sister: sometimes the pain is so unbearable that he thinks about unbecoming, returning where he came from, over the stars and in the hearts and hands of the human descendants of those who unwillingly created him, so that the grief would numb out and he wouldn't have to deal with the constant thought that his boy is gone, gone for good, and there is no way to retrieve him, not even if he looked for a way to bring him back-)

His hand looks for Miles' and holds it, his thumb rubbing circles over the other's skin. "I know." What a pained smile he offers, but what else is he supposed to give, when his entire existence is an endless funeral. His fingers melt into sad melodies, even in this dream, where he doesn't have to use his energies to stop himself from falling apart. "But I got no place t' be tomorrow. I can stay a bit longer." Saying goodbye is what hurts the most. He cannot tell if it will be the last time or not, and every time he is afraid to find out.

❥     𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓  𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄   𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   . || @godworn​

     HE GROANS in pain, but he isn’t faking it entirely. Miles did catch him off guard while he was sitting on the couch and kicking his shoes off after a long day of traveling, so forgive him if he wasn’t entirely ready for his attention-starved boyfriend sneaking up to him and biting him in the crook of his neck. An affectionate gesture, even when their teeth sink a bit too much into each other’s skin and it hurts a little more than it’s supposed to. It seems only fair that Miles would greet him back home this way, and Sy - well, he definitely won’t complain. He missed this too, no matter what his muttered swearing might let anyone else believe.

@godworn || i just found this in the depths of my inbox so you get it now

     HE RISES his head from the bed he’s laying on, neck bent at a weird angle to better look at Miles. At the mention, his hand roams over his naked chest, tracing the outline of his heart, feeling every grotesque vein under his fingertip and keeping track of its irregular beat. (There’s a melody that’s being played right now, somewhere else, that shares the same beat as his heart; and he hears in the back of his head, being both here on this mattress and streaming through a musician’s veins, everywhere and nowhere, infinite and so small. Maybe one day he’ll tell Miles about it, even if words always come out wrong when he tries to.) Eyes open wide in puzzlement, then his lips spread in a grin that’s also very close to a smile and he feels the rhythm change and a familiar warmth creep up on his cheeks.

CAN YOU blame a guy (well, 'guy') for maybe staring a bit too intensely at his boyfriend and watching him go on about his day as a way to relax and appreciate what he has? And maybe a guy will also get so lost in contemplation that he forgets said boyfriend might eventually notice he's being watched and decide to make it known. Toss a challenge in there, while he's at it. And Sy might be all things and might be called a lot of names, but coward isn't one he'll answer to.