Honestly... I wanna leave the house before my sister wakes up but shes SUPPOSED to be going to school today (lets see if she tries to skip) but my appointment is for 1:45pm so I'm leaving the house at around 12 - 11:30 am. I like HATE doctors appointments for one reason and one reason only. Everytime I have a appointment or go to another appointment to help with the kids (which is often required, they're mischievous) my sister always tries to join in and then whines and cries about us not doing anything fun and how she has to sit there and be quiet while we're with the doctor and she just can't handle other people's appointments but she keeps insisting she goes to their appointment every single time. She litterally invited herself to my gynecologist appointment because I had been trying to get a diagnosis (I haven't yet, go figure) and she didn't want to be left at home if we're "going out to have fun". Mind you this is a little girl that has and will tell a random fucking man about your period out in public, so yeah, no, I don't want her knowing jack shit about that or honestly anything about my medical history because I don't want her going around telling strangers and people I don't know about shit that doesn't involve them. I already have to fucking deal with her facetiming with her friends and trying to show off my outfits or walking in whilst im changing whilst shes on facetime, camera facing forward. I fucking hate it when she then stands there talking, like get the fuck out with your fucking camera and your fucking not even pre-teen friends. Omfg, I hate it when she leaves and then doesn't fucking shut the door either. Honestly she acts like I'M in the wrong when I get pissed at her for walking in in me, on call, with her 7-12yr old friends, I'm nearly TWICEEEE the youngest's age. It's fucking weird and also fucking annoying, I want my privacy but noooo... I don't have a right to that.

Tw: Vent

Romantizing everything helps me not want to off myself because I'm a hopeless romantic that can't even tell when I'm flirting and when I'm not because I don't do it intentionally, it just slips out whenever I feel the slightest bit of affection in any form. Romanticizing my physical, emptional, mental abuse helps me accept it, accept them, and crave it more.

Having parents means them getting upset that you dont act nothing like them... and then getting upset when you act like them... to them.

🙄 like your litterally the one that told me to bite back, snap back, be disrespectful back... yet when your being disrespectful to me... and I take your advice to be disrespectful back... now your advice is invalid? Thanks, nice to know you don't think of me as a person and instead think of me as someone below you simply because we're related and news flash... NEVER RAISED ME.

And I mean litterally never raised me... she hasn't seen me since I was like 10 and she hasn't had parental rights over me since I was like 6.... if not younger. She missed out on the most crucial years of my life.

I dont think she likes getting a taste of her own medicine, maybe it's because she's you know... legitimately the problem

Lowkey, trying not to attack my sister is hard because every single word that comes out of her mouth enrages me because all she ever talks about is stupid nonsense and whines about having to actually do litterally anything.

I absolutely hate her because every single thing that comes out her fucking mouth is just lies and her trying to pin shit on her siblings because she can't own up to her own mistakes.

I hate her guts, I hate how she talks, how she acts, her voice, I hate how everyone treats her like a perfect little baby that can't do anything wrong, I hate how she gets away with everything, I hate that she actually had a childhood, I hate that she rubs every single thing in my face from the fact she's loved more to the fact she doesnt even have to try to meet our parents standards to still have their approval. I had to work my ass off to be perfect at everything to wven get their attention meanwhile she can barely write, spell, do basic addition, hell, she cant even put up her clothes on her own and she's a preteen and our parents just love her anyways and excuses her behavior.

I resent her, some of it is her fault and other parts of it is just our parents fault. I hate her i haye her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her.

My sympathy and empathy levels are very wacky right now and I'm unsure if it's bevause of a headmate or because I'm mot doing well mentally but thag seems to be a common factor whenever I front, I just become drained managing day to day life and it happens very quickly, I can't go a day without becoming drained... unless I spend it without family, then I'm normally fine... or if it's something fun. I feel like I'm more so pitying people at the moment and not truly connecting with anyone either.

I might take a break from front...

I just swept the floor again, for the 6th time, the kitchen is trashed again, for the 3rd time. I'm exhausted and drained and it feels like I'm the only one actually doing anything because everytime I turn around someone is throwing dishes in the sink or spilling something or dragging in dirt from outside or they're leaving food out and not throwing stuff away or putting them away. My sister keeps leaving out the swet tea and pouring cups of it that she doesnt drink.