I’m scared that I’ll never find anyone like you, someone who looks at me like I’m beautiful, not like I’m something to be conquered or someone that is just enough for the moment….but even you left me after I self-destructed because I got too attached to you and it fucking scared me. It scared me how safe I felt in your arms. It frustrated me how you never made a proper move on me, even though I knew you wanted to. But it was so attractive too, because to be honest, men scare me and you were so gentle, and you never made me do anything I didn’t want to do, never pushed me into anything. We talked about everything, we kept each other up on the phone at night and when we started talking earlier, we just talked longer. I hate myself sometimes for losing you, because I think you might’ve just been the best thing that ever happened to me. Alone the thought of you made me smile. I started to believe that maybe, just maybe I could feel weightless, like I could start floating…I never believed that there was a way to feel drunk without alcohol or high without being on drugs, but you allowed me to feel that way and I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve you in the first place. I wasn’t in love with you but I was starting to fall. Hard. But I landed facedown on the pavement. You left and it shattered me for a little while. I wish I had the guts to tell you all this.
