#godgave

Unheard, unloved and unappreciated; ever felt that way?

I am currently reading a book entitled “The God who sees you” by Tammy Maltby and of the few pages that I have read, three words caught my attention - unheard, unloved and unappreciated. Reading this made me realise that there is a starving need in this world for attention, and this need often goes unnoticed and uncared for. Could that be because of today’s society where only grades and accomplishments earn you your voice?

Looking back at my past, a phrase that was often said to me was “Talk to me only when you can show it”. A lot of us feel the need to prove ourselves so that we will be heard, loved and appreciated, and in order to feed that need, we go on to clock endless hours of hard work and strive to accomplish great things. 

Growing up in a single-parent home and with the middle-child syndrome, I often crave for attention from my mother. With more attention given towards my sisters and the additional hurts that I felt from the brokenness at home, I strived to do my best in school so to earn the attention and comfort that I lack at home from my friends and teachers at school. I had realised that with my accomplishments, I would gain more attention and compliments, and that means, I would be heard, loved and appreciated. In those days, I took on prestigious roles that many would dream about and had accomplishments that even I never dreamt of, but somehow, the only phrase that I could give at the end of it was “Everything is Meaningless”.

During then, there was this emptiness that was floating inside of me, this void that I was striving to fill, and when my “winning” streak came to an end with graduation, the temporally-filled void eventually reverted back to what it was - empty. Even after, I went on to seek for attention in boys. Striving to feed that need and desire to be heard, loved and appreciated, I went from one BG relationship to another, and I realised at the end that even a man’s affection can never fully satisfy and fill that void in my heart. 

That was when I embraced the truth, everything is meaningless. Everything that I was doing apart from God was meaningless. I was striving hard to gain the attention that I was lacking, and I realised how this attention is temporal and moreover, is not worth striving for. Thus, I could relate to the written scenarios in “The God who sees you” where people who are struggling and striving in their workplaces, homes and schools, hope to be heard and given the attention that they lack, and yet still feel empty as a result. This hunger and thirst for attention and comfort that they have were not satisfied, and can never be satisfied by men. 

The first chapter of “God who sees me” talks about Hagar, a servant who was forced to conceive a child with her master, Abram, by his wife, Sarai, and later ran away because of fear and jealousy of Sarai. Having been forced to the point sacrificing her own body, Hagar must have felt more than unappreciated, but also disgusted and hurt. Putting myself in her shoes, I would want so much to be heard and justified for the wrong that people had done to me. I would want at least someone to know the pain that I am going through and to comfort me. Well, God did. 

At one of her worst moments in life, God showed up and called to her through an Angel, “Hagar, slave of Sarai” and responded saying “The Lord has heard of your misery”. A slave, being heard and known by the Creator of the universe? Wow! That is so powerful because God knew the name of a slave, a supposed lowly being in our eyes, Hagar; and furthermore He affirmed her that the pain she was going through has never passed His sight. 

That was when Hagar gave God a name and it says Thou God seest me. The well was then named BeerLahaiRoi which also means “The well of the Living One who sees me”. I was so impacted by this. Can you imagine, no matter how big or small you are, no matter what accomplishments you have, or how shameful you currently feel of yourself, God still sees you? You would think that the person with more medals and higher grades would have more voice than you do, but here, God says “I see you and I know you”. It is not your voice that counts, but it is for the fact that He created you and He desires that intimacy in a relationship with you.

So I began reflecting on my relationship with people and I admit, that there were times when I only listened to those who interests me. There were also many times when I am too busy with my phone and work to realise that there are people around me who wants to be heard. However, as much as I choose to work on that and pay more attention to those around me, the message that I want them to know, one that I have heard from a leader in church and find so much truth in is that:

You don’t need to earn attention from men, because you already have God’s attention.

It has been a 4-year journey for me as a Christian and yet, I am still discovering more about our intimate God each day. Back when I chose to let go of my very last BG relationship, I had started on this journey of intimacy with God and I really love it. I realised how I could so easily be in love with my Creator because of who He is and who I am in Him. The simple truth of God loved and God gave is really, really so powerful! And every time when I am reminded of Jesus’ death on the Cross, I am always overwhelmed by His Grace, Mercy and Love upon my life.