Like, I get it, we all love the idea of the Knife of Evil being, you know, all evil and the colour black and all (because well du-uh, Knife of Evil, obviously).
But, if that thing was actually made of the liquid ice (blah blah something word of god something blah, not even sure if it still holds up, since Bowes made that post ages ago), shouldn’t it be colourless, or, at the very least, white?
I mean, black-coloured weapons are all fine and great, and scream ‘‘EVIL’‘ from miles away, yea, but the idea of a colourless blade (literally colourless, not ‘’steel-coloured’’; make what you will out of that) would be 1) fresh and 2) much more creepier, if you can pull it off right.
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This was grabbed off of AZLyrics.com (and when the site decides not to crash upon opening the ninth lyrics -- apparently accessing one too many times on a single IP locks the site up, so mobile is your best bet). I’m not sure as to canonicity of this lore, since I do not have the CD booklet that came with Legends from Beyond the Galactic Terrorvortex, so take this with a grain of salt. A big thank you to the fine fellows of Gloryhammer for creating their fantastic lore!
Song names are included to put the lore into perspective. This is for all of the fanfic writers out there who want to have a modicum of canonical adherence to Gloryhammer (and/or extra stuff for their AU).
Into the Terrorvortex of Kor-Virliath
And lo, Planet Earth had been destroyed by the Hootsman, with an explosion so powerful it ripped a hole in the very fabric of spacetime. And yet, Zargothrax was still not defeated, for he managed to use his last shreds of power to escape through the dimensional rift. Vowing to defeat the evil sorcerer, Angus McFife XIII followed him into the portal, with no idea where it might lead. The wormhole was a truly terrifying plane of non-existence. Cosmic chaos swirled around the two eternal foes as they descended through space and time. Somehow, they could feel the presence of a third being within the portal... an entity of unimaginable power. But before Angus could ascertain the nature of this powerful force, he was thrust out of the wormhole... and Zargothrax was nowhere to be seen. Angus materialized in a place that seemed familiar... yet strangely alien. This was the Kingdom of Fife, perhaps from a time in the days of old. But it was somehow... different. The sky burned with a crimson fire, and the stench of goblin blood was thick in the air. Before him, where the Citadel of Dundee should be, stood a massive and terrible tower, a grand fortress of evil carved out of the very living rock. And atop this tower was a colossal statue of his arch nemesis... Zargothrax, the Dark Sorcerer of Auchtermuchty!
The Siege of Dunkeld
The wormhole had transported Angus and Zargothrax to an alternate dimension! And somehow, Zargothrax had materialized at an earlier point in time, letting him conquer the entire Kingdom of Fife with nothing to stand in his way. With his Hammer of Glory unable to channel the powers of this universe, Angus could not defeat the evil wizard in combat, and was forced to retreat from the battle. Even with their mysterious battle-prayers to The Hootsman, the resistance armies had no chance. From a hiding place in the hills above Dunkeld, he watched in horror as Zargothrax's army slaughtered the inhabitants of the city, the final holdout against the forces of evil. Angus could not believe his eyes when he realized who was commanding the armies of chaos... it was none other than Ser Proletius, the Grand Master of the Templar Knights of Crail! What terrible enchantment had led the alternate-universe version of this noble warrior to fight on the side of Zargothrax?!
Masters of the Galaxy
The Knife of Evil, thought Angus. One of the three powerful relics of the Ancient Starlords... the other two of course being the Hammer of Glory and the Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenweem. As he mused on the cruel fate of his once-ally Proletius, a shadowy figure approached him. If you seek to restore the Kingdom of Fife, whispered the mysterious figure, head north to the Land of Unicorns... you will find friends there. May the Hoots be with you. And with that, the figure disappeared. This is truly a strange universe, Angus said to himself as he took the shadowy denizen's advice and headed north to Achnasheen. The armies of justice in Dunkeld, and now this messenger... all worshipping the Hootsman as a God. But that can't be... he died in the Neutronic Transnova detonation of Earth, surely?
The Land of Unicorns
Angus had finally made it to the secret base of the resistance army, hidden in the valley of Achnasheen in the Land of Unicorns. And he was surprised to find out the identity of the resistance leader... it was Ralathor, the Mysterious Hermit of Cowdenbeath! Ralathor?! he exclaimed. How did you get to this universe? That's not important right now, muttered Ralathor. What is important, is that you find a way to defeat Zargothrax. And I believe I know how to repair your hammer. Ralathor explained that the Hammer of Glory did not work in this dimension, as it needs to be charged with solar energy from a star in this universe. And the only way to do that, was to fly into space, and soar through the corona of the sun. But that's impossible! despaired Angus. Spaceships haven't been invented in this reality, there's no way for me to get to space. Not necessarily, replied Ralathor. There is a way...
Power of The Laser Dragon Fire
Heeding the words of Ralathor, Angus McFife XIII once again set out from the shores of Loch a' Chroisg on a perilous quest into the frozen lands of Caithness, in search of a mysterious ancient artifact of power... the Legendary Enchanted Jetpack. His quest would be perilous, and he would have to face many foes if he was to be successful. But he would quest nonetheless, for the Eternal Glory of Dundee!
Legendary Enchanted Jetpack
The quest had been victorious! With the power of the Legendary Enchanted Jetpack now at his disposal, Angus blasted off into space, thrusting upwards with incredible velocity, wielding the Hammer of Glory in his armor clad hands. His destination... the sun.
Gloryhammer
On the wings of his jetpack, with the newly invigorated power of the Hammer of Glory in his hands, Angus returned to the resistance base in the Land of Unicorns to prepare for the final assault on the evil sorcerer. Ralathor stood waiting for his arrival. It is time! bellowed Ralathor. Now that Angus McFife wields the power to defeat Zargothrax, we must strike! HOOTS FORCE, ASSEMBLE! Suddenly the waters of Loch a' Chroisg began to stir violently, and from the depths rose a great flying nuclear submarine, with the name DSS HOOTSFORCE' emblazoned on the side. This was the secret weapon of the resistance army! And with a glorious battle cry, the forces of justice set course to the Battlefield of Cowdenbeath, for the final battle against Zargothrax.
Hootsforce
Soon the epic battle would be fight. As Angus flew across the Highlands, towards his final destiny on the battlefields of Cowdenbeath, he thought back on the many battles he had seen in his life. Fighting goblins on the moon... destroying the Earth to save the galaxy... slaying undead unicorns in the streets of Strathmiglo... it was all leading up to this moment the one final battle to defeat Zargothrax for all time.
Battle for Eternity
Meanwhile, in the dread fortress of Dundee, the evil emperor Zargothrax was plotting his final nefarious act. He had discovered ancient scrolls of colossal power in the vast libraries of the Dundonian citadel, telling of the means by which he could gain unimaginable power. At the upcoming solar conjunction, by channeling the power of the Knife of Evil through an arcane incantation, he would transcend his mortal coil, and become an immortal god of the multiverse!
Fires of Ancient Cosmic Destiny
Even though Ser Proletius and his Deathknights of Crail had been defeated, the power of Zargothrax was still growing exponentially! It seemed now that even with the renewed power of the Hammer of Glory, the forces of justice would not be able to defeat him. Suddenly, when all seemed lost, a flash of holy light lit up the entire sky, and a being of unimaginable power descended from the heavens. It was the Hootsman! Angus realized he was the mysterious third entity he had encountered in the wormhole! The force of the detonation from his nuclear heart had not killed the Hootsman... it had merged his essence with the very fabric of reality in the terrorvortex, and he had transformed into a God! He had arrived into this reality long before the evil wizard... for thousands of years now he had looked down from the heavens upon the people of this dimension, and they had worshipped him. He had watched the arrival of Zargothrax and witnessed his bloody conquest across the land. He had seen as Angus McFife arrived through the portal and fought bravely in an attempt to save the kingdom. And now when all seemed lost... he himself would descend from the firmament and bring The Justice of Hoots to Earth.
The McFife dynasty has exactly one name between all thirteen of them. (No, this is not a theory wherein the name is necessary to pass on the valued Single McFife Braincell, but look out for that one)
What if they don't need names of their own, or rather believe they shouldn't.
Angus the Dragontamer
Angus the Dimension-Traveller.
If they can't distinguish their identities by their actions then they don't deserve more then a serial number, a footnote in history. A parallel to Spartans only getting named graves if they died in battle.
And that's why Angus XIII is so eager to throw himself into danger: If he doesn't, he might as well never been born. (also might be why the king does not give a shit. He's already got his title, he has nothing to prove.)
