I donāt post much on my personal life anymore, but let me say this.
Wednesday two days ago, I was struggling at my job. I was way too impatient and out of character as such. Those things lead to frustration with the librarian assistant and because of that, I told myself I canāt make more mistakes at my job, having done so much this year and I feel bad every time. I know making mistakes is normal and itās part of life and growing, but for me, itās not. Itās showing Iām unable to do the work I do in my job properly and I feel sorry for myself that being an adult is harder than it sounds. Plus, myself having autism also contributes the fact I donāt like my mistakes get looked down upon at work. At least, I think so.
In retrospect, I have quit my job because I donāt want to add more frustration with the assistant librarian herself and be responsible for ruining my work ethic as it is. I loved this job and I always will, but Iām just not happy with how Iām turning out at 25. There was no ableism involved, but I still have to tell myself, ableism or not, I canāt work somewhere that I feel the common fear of making too many mistakes and not being able to handle them well than I want to.