#glamaris

Years…maybe even over a decade. I’ve missed this place. Safe. Judgement free. Creative. A place to just be. Before social media became a real thing, this is where WE, the creatives lived. It feels good to be home. All grown up. Hello to my new friends and I’ve missed you sooo much to my old family. 🩷

My hearts at war At battle with itself Love hate, hate love Loving to hate you Naw hating to love you I fell for a lie A mirage of the perfect man The sweet nothing's like poison traveling thru my veins Pollutin my Mind I fell fast I fell hard I felt stupid for loving you But yet I was so confident it was real He said I was different His I love you's rung like heavenly song But burned my heart strings Fire to gasoline I loved him with every ounce of my being And received so little in return I settled in your love like your arms wrapped around me I found comfort in the lie you created praying it was real Riddle me this If I'm so different why did he treat me the same? It's a shame Don't know what you've lost Til it's gone Like coming back for the rose you planted But it's already been plucked Just a little to late my love was ready for you then But now the strings are cut Loving from a distance now who got fucked

Glam

My mind is untamed and sometimes i find myself sayin things that maybe just maybe i shoulda let bounce around in my head a lil bit more before it was said.. before i let it escape my mouth like a slave in a prison let my lips be the bars that stay closed... let my thoughts dance on my tongue just a few seconds more before they beat up my teeth and force me to speak.. thoughts that are untamed.. thoughts that in my head make perfect sense until they are met with a wince instead of the reaction i thought id get... My mind is untamed.. and sometimes i forget there is a real life cuz everything i imagine in my head i feel is my reality Creating relations and fantasy's.. enjoying every one of them.. but when u speak to me i realize it will never be cuz im my mind is the only place we can ever be.. My mind is untamed... I find my self tamed but my mind will forever be free untamed...

on the brink of tears… i shed my armor.. tired of being strong its makin me weak.. and in my weakness subconsciously im reachin for things to make me feel like everything is alright.. its not alright.. cuz deep down im hurting and reaching for a love to replace what i lost.. a replacement to fill that void that i felt Novemeber 18th 2010 when i got that call… each day ive searched for it in every smile..in every hug, every kiss… left confused.. temporarily satisfied.. but left alone with my thoughts at the end of it all.. i cant even say im lonely.. cuz long as ive got this void.. i got something to keep me occupied..long as i got my tears i can always say i got a friend.. long as i got my pillows ill have someone to hold.. and long as i got these blankets ill have the warmth im missing.. but ill never hear your voice again.. never see your smile again.. ill never be able to bring a man home for your approval.. the reality of these thoughts brings tears to kiss my lips… and im reminded that every action..every reaction.. is a search i began.. a journey i started a year ago when u left me… R.I.P. Ma

sittin here like its the 1st day all over again.. butterflies in my stomach as i wait.. patiently..impatiently.. nothing is soothing my soul right now.. thought if i put on my church music i'd be ok but im still sittin here nervous.. what did i do?mind rambling a million thoughts a minute.. will i be able to look in his eyes? smh who knows.. patiently waiting.. signed impatient

And tonight. I find myself drowning in thoughts of u. Of the love we once had. The little things that used to mean the most. The sweetest things... I found myself intoxicated by your kiss.. Yearning for a love only u could give.. And no matter how far u push away. Nights like these I remember u. I remember u.. I remember u and I and the sweet lullaby of our moans... I remember u and I... U were my pillow...I laid my head on your chest and tears stream down. Only u can see me weak. Only u could take that pain away. My own personal magic eraser. And now ur gone and my life is spinning outta control.. I still need u. I still need u...I still need ur love... Don't let these just be memories. Make them my reality again...I experienced something I never had before and as bad as I wanna shake it I can't. My own personal drug. Get me high off you. My kryptochronikush... Nothing but the best. I'm spoiled on that high grade I ain't fuckin wit mids no more...like a addict I'm searching for that high..that first high..the best high... I kno where it's at. But u left me and now I'm left to experiment. but they don't make me feel like u do. Gimme my high back. Gimme my heart back. Give me you...

U know when u wake up and u don't wanna get up. Your stomach is all tight like something bad is going to happen today. You spend all day on edge cause you don't know what is goin to happen you just know its something bad. Wait for it...wait for it...This morning I woke up sick.. I shoulda known what was up.Not physically sick but I juss felt like somethin was gone happen. And it did and now I'm angry and sad! I hate havin womans intuition at times...