#darwinb

237... exactly 237 times.. Ive written your first middle and last name on this paper... 132... 132 times have I sat and written down our daughters name... our future daughter that is. Our son will be a junior but ive written his name down a time or two. Caught daydreaming in a trance, I'm ashamed I've let u play in my heart strings.. Dance on my heart until no longer can I tell which is you and what i me. You've engraved your name so deep I can't forget you if I tried.. Thought me the difference between words and actions... and even though you felt you couldnt give me what i needed you gave me just enough.. Just enough to leave me hungry for a love that up until this point only youve been able to provide.. hopelessly searching for fulfillment but never really satisfied. so im writing.. In hopes tht your love will be a permanent as the words on this paper.. Praying that your love as endless as my lifetime in 237 years.. I pray to be layin next to you.. but Just promise me this... never leave cuz I'm not sure I'll find a love like this again...

..As my voice of reason! U know how I get when I'm angry. U know the words to say to calm me down and to open my eyes past how I'm lookin at the situation. Tonight I need to hear ur voice. But your busy becomin a great man.. So I'll try to think the way you would want me to. Im goin to calm myself down as if u were here to hug me. Tonight I miss my bestfriend..my ex..I love u n I'm proud of u

I log on Facebook and write on my moms wall.. give her an update on me and how I'm doing.. how much i miss her and need her here! lately I've been having memories.. and i can't say they are good.. you know the ones when i got the call to come home, the whole ride home tears streaming down my face as i prayed, rebuked the devil and prayed that if God only heard me this once he heard me loud and clear... or when i walked in the hospital.. all the eyes staring at me as i was the last one to get the news she was dead... the tears.. the screaming..sobbing.. punching walls, as i tried to grasp the idea you were gone! the demands i screamed.. take me to my momma.. and when that wish was granted i shook you. i shook u hard as i looked at ur pale skin. shook u hard as i screamed for u to wake up.. as the cold bit my hands as i touched u... as i looked at your hair all disheveled... memories of the funeral... it rained.. i cried. even the rain couldn't hold as much sorrow as my tears held.. the long walk down the aisle as i marched in.. no compliments mattered then. no how beautiful i was or how stunning i looked.. as i came in nothing mattered... i felt dead.. empty. the only reminder of life was that Marquis held my hand.. the slight squeeze he gave to make sure i was alright.. the gentle kiss to my cheek as he departed and i sat with family...he watched on and knew when i needed him.. held me in his arms.. and in that moment.. that was the closest i'd ever come to my mothers love again... watching her dressed in all white it was all to real.. all to unreal.. my reality was but a dream.. and every day i wake up to reality.. hoping this is just a nightmare.. ill meet u again in my dreams...so tonight as i close my eyes...i thank God for my angels... You, momma will always look on in spirit...and Quis... him being that warm hug when I'm missing u most! Rest in paradise mama...

And tonight. I find myself drowning in thoughts of u. Of the love we once had. The little things that used to mean the most. The sweetest things... I found myself intoxicated by your kiss.. Yearning for a love only u could give.. And no matter how far u push away. Nights like these I remember u. I remember u.. I remember u and I and the sweet lullaby of our moans... I remember u and I... U were my pillow...I laid my head on your chest and tears stream down. Only u can see me weak. Only u could take that pain away. My own personal magic eraser. And now ur gone and my life is spinning outta control.. I still need u. I still need u...I still need ur love... Don't let these just be memories. Make them my reality again...I experienced something I never had before and as bad as I wanna shake it I can't. My own personal drug. Get me high off you. My kryptochronikush... Nothing but the best. I'm spoiled on that high grade I ain't fuckin wit mids no more...like a addict I'm searching for that high..that first high..the best high... I kno where it's at. But u left me and now I'm left to experiment. but they don't make me feel like u do. Gimme my high back. Gimme my heart back. Give me you...

...you realize that u still love your ex. My heart just started beating hard as hell when i thought i was fina get disturbing news from him.. lord even through the distance.. the good and the bad.. when you really truely love somebody it doesnt go away.. not even with the tears shed... not even with the moments spent apart.. when you see em they all rush back and u remember where u found love... call me a prisoner.. but im happy loving those who have gone and i will love harder those who come along...

SO i sit in utter amazement next to u, that i can still feel this way.... just a look just a touch.. just to be close, its still there and no matter how hard i fight it its always gone be there... but why? you know when you know you should let something go but you cant?it hurts to bad? u still want it? yeah well i dont wanna let go.. it feels to good! and no matter how much i try to ignore it my mind always betrays me.. memories invade me.. you still got the key smh.. signed*eliza*