Recording some takes for a special project...

@markiplier holosexual confirmed? I HAVE MY DOUBTS! Silver holo on a white tee? Really?! HOLO LOOKS BEST OVER BLACK MARK!

But hey…. holo is HOLO!!

Story time:

My friend, Brianna(who follows me and could very well see this n try to talk to me about all this... Please dont), was dealing with a bitchy landlord with her dad and stepmom who increased the rent pretty much for no fucking real reason then just FUCK YOU! So them, along with Brianna's boyfriend Jon, her mom, her step dad, and a family friend. She originally tried to ask us when we we're looking but I was probably blinded cuz the apartment of my dreams at the time was available and now was way to expensive (500 SF for 1030 FUCK NO even if that's utilities included, that a still to experience!). They all moved in 3 or so months ago, the family friend was eventually kicked out, and I won't talk about that cuz I don't know a lot about it and feel kinda weird about it. Now by this point me and Jonathan(my boyfriend), had agreed to move in with my mom and little sister... Then we get a call from Brianna saying 550 no more no less, big ass room next to our best friends. Now I'm weighing the options.

With my mother, I would still be verbal harassed, despite the fact that most of my money after getting a job would go to rent. We would have the master bed and bath that we probably couldn't use too much in order to not break the bank. I get to live with my mom who knows about my health condition and knows all of my food preferences... Also I would personally feel a lot more comfortable living with my mom then alone... That's about it

On the other side of things, all I knew was, rent would always be 550 again no more no less, didn't have to take out more money to cover bills(we assumed average cost of utilities was calculated in to that 550), you could use anything in the house as long as if you finish it you replace it, yes it would be going from living in a house of 4 to 8, but I would have my 3 best friends, two nurses that would understand my condition, and in general, just cool people.

Turns out I was wrong about a lot of things!!! I completely for got about the fact I was moving in full of Hispanics when I do not like rice or beans.... Major oversight on my part. Every night that someone has made dinner the side is a salad and rice... Sometimes pasta will be made, last time is was a really good smelling garlic parmesan.... With mushrooms... Have you ever felt an unexpected mushroom in your mouth... It feel like you bit into rubber... That's not edible and mushrooms smell like garbage to me!!! I used the excuse that I was full from my salad.... A salad of mostly spinach. To some of you this may sound amazing... But to me it a living nightmare.

My main reason for not liking a lot of foods is the texture, like rubber mushrooms. Even after cooking and the texture has changed, all I can think about it the original texture and can't eat it. I don't like a lot of food I'm like a toddler and in 20 years old! I'm ashamed of myself for even admitting that.

That's not the only thing! Like most people on this site I suffer from a lot on anxiety and major fucking depression, and you know a sprinkle of OCD for good luck. So guess what moving in with 4 people I don't know too well with a more extroverted boyfriend is a nightmare... Again! I know they are good, fun people... But I'm use to verbally abusive, judgemental assholes who harass you even when something isn't your fault, and loud people who talk for hours. Now I live in the complete opposite, except the loud talking for hours part. They feel uncomfortable about me cuz I'm uncomfortable about them... That was what my boyfriend said to me to try to reassure me.... THAT JUST FUCKING TERRIFIED ME EVEN MORE!!! I really just like to stay in my room and chill, and along with the food part, I didn't eat almost anything my first week here and I'm just starting week 3. I'm a bit more comfortable making my own food and having a casual conversation... BUT THEN I WOKE UP TO SOME HOUSE RULES!!! And I will admit most aren't that bad, it's pretty much what we had already been talking about, but 5 minutes in the shower... I normally atleast take 20. So I was very much like WTF. Like my boyfriend is on my ass to start shaving my under arms cuz I apparently stink now n you say 5 minutes... Like bruh. And the rule I was always scared of.... No eating in the rooms... like WHAT THE FUCK!! You say I can't watch anime while double fisting chicken wings?! How dare you even ask my anxiety ridden ass to do that! I lived off of eating in my room... I hated tables even at restaurant I get a little weird, especially if I'm the only one eating.... I start to feel fat and lonely....

And that's not even the worst off it!!! Me and my boyfriend are fucking broke... And we have nearly broken up, a minimum of 10 times in 2 weeks. We always are fighting cuz the mentioned above, not to mention my boyfriend is an asshole sometimes and bring shit up for no fucking reason. Like the fact I do not have a job... BITCH YOU THINK IM NOT TRYING HERE!!! I have tried to apply to the Publix down the street from us 3 times while and after moving and finally was able to fucking for it yesterday..... And I wanna kill myself.

This hasn't been the best for us emotional.... I just need to get a job soon so I can get the fuck out of this house before I kill myself from starvation, embarrassment, or good old slipping in the bath and being yelled at for taking over 5 minutes...

Disclaimer: I'm not gonna kill myself, I'm not in danger here, I'm okay... Just a lot of things are happening over here and I just wanted to talk for a little bit. I still love living here and am very grateful to everyone, especially Brianna, Jon, and Jonathan for being a great support system.