Derek eyes flashed as he ripped down Stiles’ pants. He presses his face into Stiles’ neck, smelling safety, arousal… and something else. He liked the effect he was having on Stiles; it had taunted him ever since the first time he pushed him against that wall. Roughly Derek pushed a finger up into him, helped on its way only by Stiles’ own spit. Derek moved quickly, fast and hard. “Don’t say a word” he all but growled out between his growing fangs.

Stiles wiggled almost as if he were trying to move away, grabbing onto his hip, Derek went harder adding another finger. Out of Derek’s eyesight Stiles through back his head, tears started to creep unwillingly out of his eyes, his teeth biting down on his lip, drawing blood as Derek’s claws started to grow. Not like this. His first time wasn't meant to be like this.

“Are you ready?” Derek growled fangs nipping at the exposed skin of his neck. He wasn’t. He was nowhere near ready, but he wanted the claws out… so he made a noise he hoped sounded like an affirmation. Derek dragged his fingers out, and for a moment there was blissful peace, the hurt had stopped, and Stiles could think clearer. He had wanted to have sex with Derek… this is what he wanted, wasn’t it?

He heard the zipper of Derek’s jeans go down. If wanted out he had to say it now… but everything had been building up to this, and Derek told him not to speak so… The choice was taken away from him as Derek started to push in to his too tight hole. A small, quiet whimper of pain was let out against his will… then suddenly… everything stopped.

Stiles opened his eyes he didn’t even know he’d shut, to see human eyes staring back. A look of surprise played about Derek’s face, and for a few moments everything was stock still. Derek’s hand slowly came up to Stiles’ cheek, a confused look in his eyes. For a moment Stiles’ wondered if Derek was going to hit him for make a noise, he had tried so hard, it’s just it hurt like a bitch. But Derek didn’t hit him.

Derek moved back pulling out of him, as his fingers wiped away the tears that were dropping down Stiles’ cheek, and playing by the corner Stiles’ of mouth. Pulling back Derek looked him up and down taking in how Stiles’ looked, torn lip, scratched and bruised hips, crying, with a small drop of blood running down his leg. The next time Stiles’ looked into Derek’s eyes they were pools of sorrow. Stiles’ un-kissed lips parted at the sight.

Slowly, as if trying not to spook him Derek lent in, pressing his lips softly to Stiles’. The kiss was sweet, slow, with the promise of so much more, exactly how a first kiss should be. Derek moved back, his human features soft, thought even Stiles could see the self-loathing in his eyes. “I… I’m sorry.” Derek stuttered out, his voice held none of the command it had held before, none of the roughness.

When Stiles made no move to speak, Derek glanced down, avoiding the eye contact. “I thought that was how you liked it, I… I didn’t mean to… to actually hurt you… it’s just… it’s just you always seem to like it when I push you against things, or growl or my eyes turn red and…” The words were pouring out now, as Derek filled the silence, stuttering, uncontrollable.

Stiles watched as the alpha wolf slowly went to pieces; he could see the horror on Derek’s face. At what he had done? At what he had been about to do? At himself? Something struck Stiles’ then about this moment. It was almost as if the roles had been reversed, Derek was now the one who couldn’t keep his mouth closed, while Stiles looked on in silence.

It was almost as if Stiles was getting a glimpse at a younger Derek. A boy who had grew up to fast, who lost everything, and the people who loved him. A boy who had no attention, no affection, and now craved it, who just wanted to be home… and safe. A small smile played about Stiles’ face.