#gilmre

no one's ever sat him down and made him discuss sex before it happened, so stede can say with confidence that he has no idea what he is doing. he'd thought he had no idea what he was doing when he first starting having pleasurable sex, but at least he'd had vague ideas from mary, and some knowledge he'd picked up from conversation. now, he has truly no idea what he is doing, but he is trying his best.

    does that sound good to you?

" yes, it - it does. "    he's fiddling with his hands, crossed in front of him. light pink dusted over his cheeks. he doesn't even feel nervous, just . . . out of his depth. but he trusts gilmore, and he struck out from barbados without a single clue of how to actually sail, and now he's a pirate captain, he can surely figure out how to do this.

" i- "  nervous laughter, hand on his thighs, now, pressing down onto the fabric as if he's noticed he's fiddling with his hands like a child.   " honestly, all i really want is for you to be happy. to - to be good for you. "

he's actually not sure if he has any preferences at all, or at least not any that he knows about. except for the fact that as soon as he thinks that, a few things come to mind, like the way he feels when he receives praise, adoration. yes, he wants his partner to feel good, but a great bit of that is wanting to know that's his doing. that he made them feel good. the way he feels when his partner presses him down, the weight of it, the feeling of being pinned and on display, used as desired.

forcing that information out of himself feels a bit like pushing an object that’s simply too heavy to move, so stede ends up simply breathing out, biting his lip, and looking down at his sleeves where he has begun paying with the ruffles there.

without looking directly at gilmore, it's easier, he finds.

*   —   𝐡𝐢𝐭 ‘𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

 I   DON’T   LIKE   THIS   BOOK,     she   remembers   telling   essek   once,   in   the   dark,   when   she   could   unpeel   her   skin   without   anyone   seeing,   it’s   got   no   happy   endings,   and   he’d   looked   through   her   anyway,   said,   you   felt   he   should   have   tried   to   save   her.   and   here’s   the   thing,   if   there   is   a   way   of   speaking   of   this   so   that   it   does   not   cut,   she   hasn’t   found   it   yet.   and   here’s   the   thing   :   she   says,   when   you   love   someone,   no   matter   what   you   keep   them   safe,   and   what   she   means   is   i’ve   always   felt   most   useful   when   i’m   bleeding   out   for   others,   and   is   that   not,   in   a   way,   the   consecration   of   the   body   ??   choke   on   the   holy   water,   whatever,   she’s   drowned   once   before.

 she’s   been   doing   a   lousy   job   at   keeping   gilmore   safe.   not   physically,   not   really,   he   doesn’t   need   her   to   be   his   hammer   of   justice,   but   she’s   seen   the   nacre   of   his   being   and   was   careless   with   it.   she’s   never   been   good   at   handling   precious   things,   much   less   herself.   decades   passed   in   a   blink   for   her,   at   a   snail’s   pace   for   him,   this   dichotomy   of   unravelling   in   different   ways,   the   way   she   can’t   hide   the   way   her   body   is   half   home   to   ghosts,   not   from   him         (     does   he   know   them   by   name   ??   surely   he   can   read   them   on   the   notches   of   her   spine   like   tombstones.     ).

 could,   in   theory,   attempt   to   deflect,   but   @gilmre​   cuts   her   to   the   bone   with   the   careless   precision   of   a   mirror.   says,         ❝     i   can’t   lose   you   again   !!     ❞         and   she   flinches   like   she’s   hit.   caught,   snared,   with   anyone   else   she’d   chew   through   her   leg   before   they’d   have   the   time   to   touch.   but   he’s   not   anyone   else,   is   he   ??   not   once,   not   ever,   and   not   now,   in   a   time   where   they   both   can   breathe   without   the   spectre   of   running   out   of   time   hovering   above   them.

@gilmre​

Vax’ildan wasn’t the kind of person to get angry easily. He had spent years honing a calm, collected facade-mostly so he didn’t alarm Vex with emotions that were too strong when they were growing up. When Vax came upon Gilmore being attacked by some thugs, however, to say he was angry would’ve been a gross understatement. As far as he was concerned, Gilmore was the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful and generous person Vax had met in a very long time. He didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

Unsheathing one of his many daggers, he hurried in their direction and, after a brief scuffle, managed to chase them off. He was breathing heavily, angry, when he felt gentle hands grasp his face and give him a kiss on the lips.

Gilmore.

luke + bringing food to lorelai

YOINKS. alright i’m gonna list em NOT in order because i have SO MUCH TROUBLE CHOOSING

requested by @gilmre, here are 40 christmas icons of various gilmore girls characters!

43: What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

I have learned that I need to and CAN go a little easier on myself if I have the emotional support to do so. That driving need that never leaves me alone, to GO GO GO and create and prove that I was here, that I mattered, that I contributed something to the world–it doesn’t go away, but I can find less stressful outlets for it (like fanfic and gifsets) when the real world is too much for me…and I won’t feel any less like what I create matters, if it’s fanwork rather than original fiction.

I’ve also learned that going from level on bipolar meds to completely unmedicated makes a significant difference in my quality of life. I knew my meds helped, of course, but I haven’t been completely without them for almost half a year before, and boy do I have a talent for unraveling. 

So, both good and less-good things leaned this year. :) Thanks for asking!