#gi reader insert

Said thoughts were revolving around the main source of his anguish; you.

See, Kaeya wasn't a sore loser (not as bad as some others, at least) - but every time he spends time with you he ends up frustrated, as if he's been bested in a game.

You always manage to read him, and are nobly kind even when it makes things troublesome for yourself. Yet there is nothing gullible in your mannerisms - rather, you can be more than shrewd at times, surprisingly even him.

All this knowledge, he's picked up from spending time with you.

But what's so annoying is that anyone that's hung around long enough would know these things too.

Because other than basic information and personality traits, you hadn't revealed much else about yourself. And the worst part is that Kaeya can't even be bitter about it, since it was entirely his fault.

You surely knew from the beginning what kind of person he was: charming, playful, mysterious.

And oh-so-cowardly when it came to being vulnerable for a change.

He hides beneath a carefully-crafted mask, one that's accompanied him for years - and never once had Kaeya minded the distance it put between him and others.

Until you came along, with your heroic nobility and kindness. Gods, he wouldn't even feel as bad if you'd been tactless enough to prod him about this. But you were too observant for your own good. He's noticed your worried glances and thoughtful silences; you knew he was holding you at an arm's length, but was too kind to even feel annoyed because you knew he must have his reasons.

He hates himself for being aware of all this and not doing anything different. He hates how his heart feels like it's being wrapped in vines of ice, slowly numbing itself from the wrenching, emptying feeling in his chest.

Because that's how it always went, right? Burying the issue and moving forward, convincing everyone and himself that every was fine.

Kaeya finally downs his drink, giving the bartender a quick thanks before stepping out onto the streets. The cold breeze sobers him a bit as he starts to head back to headquarters - maybe some paperwork will distract him.