#ghostfaceaddams

They were not the same. It didn’t take much effort into noticing the differences between the Addams family and the rest of the world. And yet, the two of you always seemed to get along. Well, getting along in terms of Wednesday Addams. That meant there was less scowling and a minimum amount of threats within the presence of each other.

Developing a fascination with Wednesday was almost instantaneous for any and everyone. Harboring a crush for the goth wasn’t an unusual occurrence either. Being compared to Wednesday only meant pointing out all the differences between Wednesday and the other person. It was only natural to become intrigued by the lifeless, unblinking stare and morbid interests.

As for the feelings, Wednesday Addams was aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. Her pale skin and raven hair were stark yet appealing contrasts with freckles sprinkled around. One could simply not fall in love with the goth after noticing the sea of freckles. Not to mention how soft and full her lips looked, always pale but darker than her pale skin.

The aurora that surrounded her and the way she held herself were both handsome attributes that lured you in. Her intelligence was admirable (as well as sexy if anyone was to ask you). Her voice was often times even and lifeless as she spoke, or even and factual; the sound was always pleasing to the ears, caressing the skin of your body and your heart.

It was when emotion trickled through her voice that you were really left weak in the knees. The fact that ninety-percent of that was directed towards you when conversing? Well, it would be more of a mystery to not fall for her.

So, yes, you were completely and utterly infatuated with Wednesday Addams. Her grace and beauty were so captivating. The goth’s entire being was an addiction for you.

Wednesday wasn’t a romantic person though. She burned romance books and nearly fell ill whenever Enid or Divina decided to display a romcom. Any form of affection had her wrinkling her nose and stitching her eyebrows together in a ferocious, pout. She always made discouraging remarks about Ajax and Enid’s relationship; everyone only knew the remarks were half-assed because the rainbow werewolf had managed to worm her way into the goth’s heart.

Yoko and Divina holding hands as they walked along the lake or cuddled on the couch for movie night always prompted a scowl from Wednesday.

Of course, everyone knew how much she abhorred physical touch. Despite wanting to drift your fingers through her bangs to smooth them out after a vision or lightly drag your fingers along the palm of her hand, you never did. Kissing Wednesday was the most prominent and recurring fantasy of yours, but you left it at that.

You respected Wednesday’s boundaries and loved her too much to attempt to cause the girl any discomfort.

Even with all of the walks to classes and shared isolation wasn’t enough to warrant suspicions from you. The only person allowed to be present during Wednesday’s writing period (Enid would be there wether she was allowed or not) was you. You’d never once asked to read her novel, but you did mention wanting to if Wednesday ever changed her mind; to that she had just hummed thoughtfully.

Her eyes were always a shade lighter and her face marginally softer when in the company of you. She declared you were the least annoying person out of “this group you all like to label as a friend group.” To Wednesday, it was just a group of people that she didn’t want to kill (as badly as others). Even her digs at you weren’t as callous as the others.

Enid had been trying to convince you to make a move because “Wednesday totes likes you!” but, “is too stubborn to make the first move.” But you’d spent enough time studying Wednesday and enough time putting yourself out there just to be shut down, to not make a move. You wouldn’t label the relationship between you and the goth as a friendship, but in their own unique slash dysfunctional slash bizarre way, they were friends.

You didn’t want to lose the nights of wordlessly stargazing after having watched her practice her cello, of days where she glared at Xavier in botany for even attempting to converse with you, of philosophical spiels from the goth and her in return trying to keep up with your hyperfixations, of her warning you to be careful if you were in the woods alone before deciding to accompany you because it was the “smarter” decision.

Wednesday was different with you from the others, you knew that, but the reasoning having to do with romance was absurd.

Absolutely, completely, and totally absurd.

Yoko was staying at Divina’s for the night, so you flipped the light-switch as soon as stepping foot into the shared dorm. You made sure to lock the door behind you, knowing that Wednesday would pinch your ear if she found out you didn’t.

She always threatened to hurt you if you got injured or killed and glared when you would laugh at the irony. You didn’t really mind though, because you could only find her scowl adorable and not intimidating. Though, you’d never dream of saying that to her. She’d probably either ignore you for a week or stick needles in her eyes.

You dropped your bag off by your desk then went to your closet to find some pj’s. As heavy as your limbs were and how your eyelids kept drooping, you knew you needed a shower and showers before bedtime always helped you sleep better. So, you quickly brushed your teeth and turned all of the lights off.

The last thing you did before rolling onto your side and easily drifting off to a different state of mind was plug your phone in.

You weren’t sure how long you had been under Mr. Sandman’s spell, but the sky was just as thickly black as before and Yoko wasn’t back. In fact, the door wasn’t even opened. The window leading into your shared dorm was opened barely an inch, and you knew it had been shut before going to bed. No one could get into your room from there anyways, unless they were Spider-Man and could climb walls.

The chilly noise that had roused your from your sleep wasn’t uttered again. Deciding you were probably only half-asleep and imagined the noise, you moved to curl back up in your previous position. But then there was a thump and a swirl that sounded like a body zooming across the room, ending with a thud on the floor.

Considering your deep-rooted love for horror and having faced a Hyde and a Pilgrim raised from the dead, not much could scare you at this point. Your hand was sturdy as it reached out to turn your lamp on and the racing of your heart wasn’t an obnoxious thump but a steady hum. What you saw next had your heart stilling in your chest.

“Wednesday!”

You leapt off the bed without a second thought and rushed to the aid of a seizing goth. Her body flung itself so she was on her back. Despite her head flinging this way and that and the rest of her body spasming, you quickly grabbed her and cradled her against your lap.

“Wednesday! Wh-what’s happening?” You asked despite her seemingly partly unconscious.

Two shallow breaths scratched the thick air around them and then Wednesday’s small body slumped. While it wasn’t unusual for the goth to be laying exceptionally still and her face expressionless, it was dialed to one-hundred. Or more like negative-one-hundred from how still and chilly she was.

There was blood scattered all over her body, turning her black clothes even darker. Even her sweet face that held so much information with the lack of expressions had blood splashed all over. There was barely an inch of her skin that was just her pale complexion and not slick blood. Her bangs that you were so obsessed with were messy and the rest of her hair was goopy with blood.

You gently cupped her cheek, as if that would keep the Addams girl from being harmed. She was already unmoving and unresponsive, you didn’t want to make matters worse. You couldn’t hurt Wednesday, especially when she already was so terribly hurt.

You sniffed and strummed your thumb along her elegant cheekbone. Her already chilly skin was even cooler, causing your fingertips to twitch and the rest of your body to spasm. Tears were cascading down your cheeks and dripping onto Wednesday’s face. You hadn’t even realized you were crying, you didn’t feel the slick heat on your cheeks or your eyes burning.

You didn’t feel anything. All you could feel was the barbed wire tightening further and further around your trembling heart. You were sure you were bleeding internally from her heart, and you hoped it would overflow so that you wouldn’t have to live in a world that didn’t have the insatiable Wednesday Addams in it.

“Wednesday, come on, wake up. This…” You swallowed hard. “This isn’t funny, though I know you find your cruel shenanigans to be just that.”

Seconds ticked by without a witty remark from the cold girl in your arms. Tears kept spilling down your face, so much so that you could wipe all the blood off of Wednesday. When too many tears blurred your vision and you could never see the most beautiful person ever, you dropped your head to her chest and clung to her tightly.

‘I should’ve listened to Enid.’ You couldn’t believe that something so horrible and so horribly cliche could be true! All this time you had waisted pining for Wednesday and now she’ll never know how you truly feel about her. You’d never get to know if she’d rather know or not, even if she didn’t feel the same.

Enid.

How were you going to explain this to her? The person she deemed her best friend, the girl she risked her own life to save last her, her roommate, was now dead. Someone so special in life and to Enid’s heart was no longer going to be around to threaten people and stun strangers and make their classmates laugh.

The girl you loved was gone.

“Oh, cara mia, it was all just a playful ruse.”

You jerked away from that metallic voice grazing your skin and kissing your ears. The rare tone of voice that was either used when speaking about a devious plan or talking to Uncle Fester or Enid. It was smooth and warm with a slight rasp tickling it, but still even and steady like her daily, monotone voice.

When you jerked away, you were met with a smile gracing the lips of the girl you had thought was dead. For a full sixty seconds, you were sure that Wednesday had been possessed because Wednesday Addams did not smile. But then you remembered her smirk at Outreach Day when her and Thing had successfully ruined the event, and you remembered the very few times she had snuck a smile here and there.

You could hear Enid’s voice in your head screeching how Wednesday looked at her with the goth’s own version of heart eyes. And you remembered how Wednesday would escort you to class and offer to hold your books, how she’d sit with you at lunch and didn’t threaten you like the others. How angry she got whenever you were careless and your safety was at risk.

That smile was innocent and it was infectious. A one-hundred-percent, bonafide Wednesday Addams smile.

Her hand cupping your cheek startled you from the reverie you had been induced in. The subtle shutter had that small smile widening and a warmth flooding her eyes. You always found the girl to be so beautiful that there were no words to adequately describe her, but this smile and the heat in her eyes was something even more remarkable.

She ran her thumb along your cheekbone and smirked as you leaned against her delicate touch.

“Y/N, my heart beats when your heart beats, and I suffer when you suffer. Which is not as fun as I expected suffering to be. As long as the earth rotates, that will never change. My fealty belongs to you and my heart will never forget the kiss your presence has left on it.”

Even if you had ever fancied the thought of Enid being right, you never in a million years expected Wednesday to say that as her love confession. And definitely not with that smile that kept trying to pull up further! You jerked your head down and counted your fingers and were left stunned to count ten. So you weren’t dreaming.

Your heart was thudding harder against your ribcage from that declaration of love than it had been when you thought Wednesday was dead.

Dead. Right. This whole sweet and enchanting confession was only given after she had faked her death. She pretended to die for what exactly, your reaction? If you hadn’t reacted appropriately would she have left you to believe she was dead? Or would she have woken up and left unimpressed?

As relieved as you were that she was alive and you got to do the next thing, you were pissed at her.

You smacked her - hard - on the bicep and glared at her. “Wednesday Friday Addams!”

“I’m assuming this is in response to my flawless scene I had enacted of demons possessing my body and effectively murdering me.”

“Yes! This is in response to…all of that!”

Your response only made her grin bigger. You guessed that it was only satisfying Wednesday’s knowledge of you reciprocating her undying love. As aggravating as it was, it was what made Wednesday Wednesday and you loved her more than breathing.

Sighing, you cupped her face and rubbed your thumb against the red stain on her face. “I’m assuming this is pig’s blood.”

She gave a single nod of her head, her eyes doing all of the smiling for her. “My smart girl.”

There weren’t any powers in the world that could have prevented you from shuddering at that compliment.

Wednesday’s smile morphed into something wicked, very on par for her, and she began to lean in.

“Darling, as much as I love that devious brain of yours,” she smiled brightly, loving the adjective. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”

She gave a solemn nod of her head. “Allow me to make it up to you, cara mia.”

Lottie had giggled. “Relax, Jax. We’re still best friends.” 

Jackie had stared at Lottie before blushing and nervously licking at the blood. Even then Jackie had stirred up something primal inside of Lottie. 

The second time they practice kissing it goes a lot more smoothly. They’re in Lottie’s bedroom instead of Jackie’s this time. They go against laying down because they know that standing is more realistic, and Jackie should be prepared in case her future boyfriend (Lottie feels like gagging) is tall. (“And you need to be prepared to show some humility for your future boyfriend, Lot.” Jackie had smirked in that teasing way of hers that left Lottie feeling like the sun was kissing her skin after getting out of the water.) 

It was after school so Jackie still had makeup on, but Lottie could see the freckles buried underneath due to their proximity. Her strong hands had rested on Jackie’s sexy hips. Even at fifteen-years-old Lottie was obsessed with Jackie’s hips. The way they curved. Her grip was firm to soothe Jackie (and a bit because of how excited Lottie was and didn’t want this moment to run away from her). Her dark brown eyes stared steadfast into Jackie’s bug eyes. Jackie’s eyes never left Lottie’s flawless face, but they kept skittering all over with nerves. They hadn’t even kissed yet and Jackie was already breathing heavily. 

Jackie had her arms draped around Lottie’s neck to keep the taller girl hunched down a little. This caused them to be so close, and it electrified this intimacy that always existed between the two. They were sharing space and swapping air. The moment was poetic. 

Feeling bold, Lottie had been the one to press her lips to Jackie’s. Lottie liked to project to the world that she was this small thing. Despite her gangly limbs and voluminous hair, she tried to shrink herself. It wasn’t like she was self-conscious or anything, she just liked how easy it was to not be in the spotlight. She didn’t like expectations, especially when she could never figure out what exactly her parents expected of her. But when she was alone with someone like this, she didn’t mind flaunting her security in herself. Besides, she really liked making people feel good. 

Neither of them had moved their lips for a few seconds because they were both just getting used to the feel of things. Lottie wondered if every human being’s lips were this soft or if it was just a woman thing (or just a Jackie thing). Jackie tasted like the gum she had been chewing earlier in class and the cherry chapstick she was constantly reapplying. Lottie tasted like black raspberry and it was addicting. 

Hesitantly, Jackie pressed her lips more firmly to Lottie’s. Taking a hint, Lottie began to experimentally massage her lips against Jackie’s. It was actually…not bad! Lottie was enjoying herself. When Jackie’s fingers brushed the back of Lottie’s hair and had angled her face back just an inch, Lottie’s body surged up and her breath scraped its way out her mouth. That’s when her tongue slipped past Jackie’s glistening lips and into her warm mouth. Even with her eyes closed, Jackie’s eyes had widened and her eyebrows rose. She made a slight noise of pleased shock and that just roused Lottie’s need to keep pleasing her Jackie. Lottie massaged her warm hands against Jackie’s hips and slid around to the small of her back, bringing her closer to Lottie. Now they were exchanging body heat, and Lottie could feel the energy vibrating and bouncing off of Jackie’s body. It was tantalizing and euphoric in the way that could only be described as holy. 

As Lottie’s tongue explored Jackie’s mouth and she handled the shorter girl with great care, Jackie had moaned. That sent such a rush to Lottie’s hair that she started to feel woozy. Then Jackie’s fingers had slid into Lottie’s thick curls and- 

That had been the end. 

Lottie can still taste Jackie on her tongue like it was yesterday. Somehow, even though that was back when she was an alive human, her new heightened senses polished that memory (and every pre-vampirism memory). It made her long to kiss Jackie again even worse. Everything was worse now. 

She smoothed out her face as she looked over at Jackie. She was in the desk next to her, the aisle separating them. Jackie was looking at the front of the classroom but in her hand was a folded piece of paper. Swallowing, Lottie took it before Professeure Nelisse could notice and gently splayed the paper on her desk. She handled everything of Jackie’s with reverence, not just the teenager herself. Her nimble fingers unfolded the piece of paper and read the neatly written note on it. 

There’s a party this weekend - Yellowjackets invited. 

Lottie glanced over at Jackie. Jackie who was now sitting upright like the prim and proper girl her parents raised. Gazing at those shoulders and collarbone, Lottie understood why shoulders had to be covered in some schools. Jackie’s hair was perfectly wavy over her shoulders and framed her charming face. Even in class when everyone was focused on the lesson, she had a slight charming smile on her lips to seem inviting and approachable (just like her parents wanted her to be). She had that confident air surrounding her which Lottie knew was a ploy. 

Jackie was sitting and acting like Lottie hadn’t been shutting her out for almost two months now. She was acting as if last week Lottie hadn’t told her to get out of her room. It was like everything was the same as it had always been. But things would never be the same again and Lottie wished she could just tell Jackie that. But how? 

Are you ordering me to go or asking, Captain? Lottie wrote and passed back to Jackie. 

Without even flexing a facial muscle, Jackie plucked the fingers from Lottie’s long ones. She barely dipped her head down to read the note. Lottie felt victorious when she saw the genuine grin on Jackie’s face. The one full of amusement and affection that Jackie only ever had for her teammates. Instead of listening to their teacher, Lottie watched Jackie write and return the note. Gosh, everything Jackie Taylor did amazed Lottie. It was funny, considering Jackie scrutinized everything she did and was never satisfied with herself. Lottie wished Jackie would listen to her when she illustrated how wonderful of a human being she was. 

Lottie unfolded the paper and read the response under hers. 

Asking. It would show team unity if everyone went, and I’d really just like to see you. I miss you. 

Lottie looked up. Jackie missed her, of course she did. They did everything together and loved each other to the fullest capacity a human being could love another. They were best friends and Lottie had been neglecting Jackie. So of course she was missed. She expected this. And yet it still hit her like that buffet table had under the water. She could feel her sternum shattering and ribs splintering all over again. The water was filling her bruised lungs and her head felt like it was about to explode like a white beam. 

Swallowing even though she didn’t need to, Lottie hastily scribbled her answer and passed it back over to her team captain. It was a simple word, but Lottie never really needed to be explicit when it came to Jackie. They could sit in silence and never say a word and still hold a conversation. (Just not lately. Not about Lottie’s new identity.) 

Okay. 

When Jackie smiled, Lottie knew she made the right decision. Even if the party turned to shit, it would be worth seeing Jackie smile. 

It was Thursday, the day before the party. The Yellowjackets were hard at work on the pitch in their gray WHS Yellow Jackets shirts and black or blue shorts. Lottie’s curls were in their usual pigtails and were bouncing around as she darted this way and that. Her brain was pulsing and tensing around her skull as she tried to focus on not running too fast or not kicking too hard. Even though vampires couldn’t sweat, she felt like she was. She could still remember that gross, yucky feeling. She never would’ve thought that she would miss sweating. 

They were competing in a scrimmage against the JV team. They practiced three times a week and had a game every Friday. One out of their three practices was a scrimmage. Usually the star players would win, but there were a few times when it was a close match and even fewer times when JV won. Mari and Akilah were really the only two good players on JV and Lottie wished one of them could replace her. But again, there was no way she could quit soccer. As much as it would ease her mind four out of seven days of the week, that reprieve would just never come. 

Today was one of the rare days where JV was in the lead. That usually only happened when Natalie was hungover and Van was getting distracted by Taissa. But Taissa and Shauna were attempting to block out Ally, and Lottie was of course caught up in her own mind of acting human enough. Coach Martinez was visibly upset on the sidelines and it was frizzing that constant anxiety in the pit of Jackie’s stomach. Even preoccupied in her own mind, a piece of Lottie was always conscientious of her dear captain. She knew how desperate Jackie was to please and that she was trying to remain optimistic. Coach Scott was at least trying to shout words of encouragement instead of anger like Coach Martinez. And Misty was chanting “BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ” while clapping.

“Tai!” Jackie held up her arm in signal for Taissa to pass the ball. 

Taissa was all too eager to pass the ball to anyone other than Ally. As Jackie sped up to intercept the ball, this blonde from JV barrelled right into Jackie. For the first time since the first two days after her transition, Lottie lost control. One second she was blocking Mari and the next she was shoving the curly haired blonde who had sent their captain to the ground. Somehow it still wasn’t all of Lottie’s power, but Melissa still landed hard on her ass and shouted in pain. Lottie could feel every part of her body filling and thickening with power, fueled by her protective instincts. Her fangs were aching and her blood started to whistle. 

The rest of the team quickly ran over to diffuse the situation. Jackie was panting a little as she sat up, her hair a little messy and her face slightly scrunched up. Her neck already had to strain to look up at Lottie when she was standing, and now she was getting a kink in her neck. With Lottie standing to her maximum height and baring her muscles like some white night, and the sun creeping behind her dark hair like some halo, Lottie looked like…a Goddess. The other girl, the one who had slammed into Jackie, was staring up at Lottie with blue eyes full of anger but fear and was cradling her shoulder. 

Lottie glared down at the girl ferociously. “What the hell? It’s a scrimmage, not a real game!” 

“I was just-” 

“Leave her alone!” Whoever said that had attempted to push Lottie, but Lottie didn’t budge. Her furrowed eyebrows slowly evened out and her tense cheeks lowered. Sure, she was a hell of a lot shorter than Lottie, but Lottie didn’t even physically react to the shove. And now Lottie was glaring at her. 

“Gen, back up.” Shauna said to the girl who had pushed Lottie. 

Gen obeyed but didn’t seem happy about it. She glared halfheartedly before going to the girl on the ground. 

“What were you thinking, Melissa?” Taissa directed the girl who had dared to hurt Jackie Taylor. 

Now Melissa was looking up at Taissa instead of Lottie. Lottie who was standing in front of Jackie like some guard dog and was glaring like a mountain lion ready to pounce on its prey. Shauna furrowed her eyebrows at the almost feral look darkening Lottie’s usually angelic features. Mari and Akilah shared a look and decided best to stay out of it. Meanwhile, Natalie was helping Jackie up and looking over her. 

Good, Lottie thought. The only other person she trusted to be around Jackie right now and make sure she was actually okay was Natalie. She didn’t even trust Shauna with Jackie, but that was another foe for another day. 

“I was trying to get the ball! That’s our goal, right?” Melissa defended herself.

“Yeah but you don’t ram into our team captain like a fucking bull!” Lottie snapped. 

One thing about Lottie Matthews was that she never got confrontational or talked shit about someone unless they deserved it. And boy did this Melissa JV chick deserve her rage. 

“It was an accident, she got a little overzealous.” Shauna tried to defend. 

Now Lottie was glaring at Shauna. Unlike Gen who was a coward or Melissa who was a coward that tried to act tough, Shauna wasn’t afraid of Lottie. She started back just as steadily and heatedly.

“Oh shit.” Van said and Taissa immediately put herself in-between Lottie and Shauna. 

That’s when Coach Martinez finally blew his fucking whistle and called an end to practice. 

“Guys, cut this shit out.” Taissa said to Shauna and Lottie before looking over at their team captain. “Jack, you good?” 

Jackie nodded her head, still a little winded. “Yeah, I’m good.” 

God, Jackie didn’t sound afraid or mad. But she sounded sad and small. It just rejuvenated that anger burning out of control inside of Lottie. She wanted to break Melissa’s kneecaps and make sure she could never run across the soccer field to Jackie ever again. She wanted to rip Shauna’s tongue out for daring to defend someone against Jackie. And she just wanted that Gen girl to go away. She wanted to hurt whoever hurt Jackie. 

Right before her fangs and talons could extract, before her eyes could turn red, she felt Jackie’s hand in hers. Oh. Sweet relief. 

Lottie snapped her head over and down so fast that she would’ve gotten whiplash if she was still a human being. Those glowing eyes softened and her tense body loosened. The roaring of her blood quieted and the fire in her mind was extinguished. Her dead heart started to beat again. Her skin felt like it was being lathered in the aura of Jackie Taylor. Her cool hand wrapped around Jackie’s warm one and squeezed. She could smell the blood under Jackie’s palm and feel her heartbeat. Jackie was still alive. She was unharmed. That bitch had knocked her down and she got right back up. 

Jackie was okay. It felt like Lottie could breathe again. 

“I’m alright, Lot. I’ve been thrown by worse.” Jackie reassured her.    

Which was true, and almost reignited that protective wildfire. But those bug eyes wrapped around Lottie like the universe. Lottie felt so small in the best way possible when Jackie looked at her. Like Jackie was all the beauty and power and complexity of the universe. Everything about her being was so vast and special. And she got to bask in that. Lottie got to be privy to the universe’s attention. How could you not be devoted to such a person? 

Lottie wanted to get on her knees and swear fealty to Jackie. She wanted to spend the rest of her eternal life just worshipping Jackie. Every morning she would tell Jackie she loved her and every night she would hold her. She would spend every second telling Jackie how beautiful and wonderful and special and important she was. She would always protect Jackie and make sure she was happy. She would never let anything negative into Jackie’s life ever again, she would be an impenetrable wall around Jackie Taylor. 

But she didn’t do any of that. Jesus. Calm down, Matthews. She told herself. 

Laura Lee checked on Melissa before letting her and the rest of the JV squad head inside to the locker room. Misty and Coach Scott started picking up cones and whatnot. Taissa waited on Shauna to head towards the locker room, and Van waited on Tai. Then it was just Lottie, Jackie, Natalie, and Laura Lee checking on Jackie. 

“That was dramatic.” Jackie quipped. 

Nat scoffed in agreement. Lottie narrowed her eyes, not agreeing with the pair.

“Too intense for me!” Laura Lee agreed in a different manner. “Are you okay, Jackie?”

Okay, Nat isn’t the only person Lottie trusted with Jackie. She definitely trusted Laura Lee as well. And at least Laura Lee didn’t sometimes check out Jackie or roll her eyes before kissing her during spin the bottle. (Sure, Natalie was dating Misty and Jackie was straight, and Jackie didn’t belong to Lottie or anything. And she loved Natalie. But still…)

“I’m fine, Laura Lee. Just stained my clothes, but getting dirty is a part of sports!” Jackie said brightly. 

That brightness was so contagious even when it was fake. It kissed Lottie’s soul and electrified her body. 

Jackie looked up and her sweet smile turned brighter. “What?”

Lottie realized she was staring. She was always staring at Jackie, but she was always able to hide it until now. Laura Lee smiled innocently with her mouth closed, looking between the two like she was watching a romcom. Nat chuckled and placed her hand on Laura Lee’s shoulder. 

“Let’s help Misty and Coach Scott pick up.” Natalie’s raspy voice said to Laura Lee. 

Lottie stared after the two blondes with adorably furrowed brows. What was that about? Why had Laura Lee been looking at them like that and why was Natalie pulling her away like she knew something? 

“Err, Lottie Matthews. Come in, Lottie Matthews.” Jackie said in this adorable, serious radio voice. 

Lottie looked back at Jackie and stopped breathing (even though she already was not breathing) at Jackie’s twinkling eyes and dreamy smile. 

“You didn’t answer me.” 

Oh, right. “Sorry. I was just looking to make sure you were okay - for real. Sometimes you lie to just not worry others.” Although it wasn’t about worrying others that Jackie would lie. She would lie about her health because she didn’t want to be a burden. They both knew that and understood that Lottie didn’t need to say it.    

Jackie exhaled a breath and playfully punched Lottie on the arm. Lottie had to remind herself to move a smidge at the impact. 

“Please, that JV wannabe barely touched me. I was just putting on a show.”

“Oh, yeah? Theatre is in the auditorium ya know. Out here is for soccer.” 

“Oh I didn’t know that.” Jackie grinned, and Lottie grinned back. 

It was just the two of them on the pitch now and they were just grinning at each other. Everyone else was inside, in their office or locker room or cars driving home. No one else but the elements and animals were privy to this playful moment between the two best friends. Except was it playful or flirtatious? 

That startled Lottie and dampened her grin a little. Was Jackie flirting with her? Sure, that was kind of just in Jackie’s nature. She never led anyone on or meant any harm by it. She’d done it so many times with Lottie before that Lottie never thought about it. But this time felt different. Or did it always feel this way and Lottie was just now noticing? But surely Lottie would’ve noticed before, because she’s always so in tuned to Jackie and wanting of something romantic with her. Gosh, none of it even mattered. She was supposed to be distancing herself from Jackie. She’d been doing so well until she kicked Jackie out of her room over a week ago. 

Lottie Matthews was so weak when it came to Jackie Taylor. And yet, also so strong. 

“I stink, and so do you. We should probably get cleaned up.” Lottie says, putting an end to the playful-slash-maybe-actually-flirtatious moment. 

Jackie didn’t seem too disappointed by the moment ending, so Lottie figured it must’ve all just been in her head and it truly was a playful moment. That wouldn’t have been the first time something was all in Lottie’s head. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Jackie agreed.

Despite Lottie being the one to mention needing to head in, she waited for Jackie to start walking first. And then she followed, like always.   

Which felt like fate, considering Jackie was the team captain of the girls soccer team at Wiskayok High School. The team was called the Yellowjackets and their uniforms were silky blue, paid for by both of their parents. Money was how the Matthews showed their “love” for Lottie and the Taylor’s just liked to show off. The blue and yellow always complimented Jackie’s hazel, bug eyes and the colors were delicious for Lottie’s olive complexion. Jackie was #9 and Lottie was #5, and they were always in line with each other for pep rallies. 

While Shauna Shipman was Jackie’s second longest friend and the brunette’s guard dog, she was considered Jackie’s best friend. Lottie never seemed to mind Jackie’s lack of correction since she knew in her heart that she would always be Jackie’s first. Her first friend, her first confidant, her first kiss. 

They had only been 13 and it was awkward since neither of them really knew what the fuck they were doing. They had been watching Frankie and Johnny and were appalled at how it seemed like Al Pacino was swallowing Michelle Pfeiffer’s mouth. Their lips had barely grazed at first, and then Lottie’s sticky lips got caught in Jackie’s braces. Definitely not romantic. 

But they tried again two years later and it was a lot more successful. Another year later and Jackie started dating Jeff Sadecki and Lottie - well, Lottie kind of just…mingled. She ended up losing her virginity to some Dean Scavetcki and was repulsed by the male body after that. Still, she would kiss guys at parties to keep up appearances and internally die when they swapped spit. (Little did she know just how dying felt.) 

If kissing Jackie wasn’t an indicator of which gender Lottie preferred, she definitely realized it when she started sneaking kisses with girls when no one else was watching. And when she had sex with Susan Perkins? Oh, she finally realized why sex was enjoyable. She still would have rather experienced sex for the first time with Jackie. They experienced all of their other firsts together so why did this have to be different? 

Because Jackie was straight, and best friends didn’t fuck each other. Not that Lottie would view that as just sex with her Jackie. It would be making love. But still! And yes, they kissed - twice, but that was just practicing! Best friends had done it before. 

She digresses. 

For two years Lottie has watched Jackie (unhappily) date Jeff and mingle with other people to try and find the feeling she feels for Jackie. How her heart beats just a little faster, not enough to make her queasy or her chest ache, but enough to sharpen her breath and warm her skin. How her mind feels it’s wrapped in perfume and flowers as she thinks of Jackie and anything related to Jackie. How everything can somehow be connected back to Jackie. How when Jackie hurts, Lottie hurts, and how Lottie wants to consume the pain just so Jackie won’t have to feel it. How Lottie wants to hurt who hurts Jackie. How she feels like she can be herself so freely, no thinking beforehand or feel like there was a thin veil over her to murk certain parts of herself. 

Lottie tried, but she could only ever find that feeling with Jackie. Even now with her useless, paralyzed heart in her chilled chest, she feels the ghost of her heart slightly picking up at the thought or sight of Jackie Taylor. Her Jackie. 

Jackie had been her saving grace (quite literally) these past few months. The daylight ring on her left middle finger was the same deer ring Jackie had gifted her during their last cotillion in honor of graduating from that performative spectacle they only did for their parents. Hearing Jackie shout out plays during practice and give encouraging game day speeches wrapped around her like a blanket of normalcy. When she was transitioning, Jackie had been who she saw. Duncan had said that whoever or whatever you see during transitioning is your tether to the real world - the living. Who or what you see is what lets you either finish dying or stick around as the living dead. Apparently Jackie still wanted her around. 

But Lottie also hated being around Jackie. Every single human being and animal smelled absolutely divine. (Lottie thought vanilla was crack when alive, but boy was she wrong.) These smells were of course most heightened when you were a newbred (a baby vamp) and humans smelled better than animals. But Jackie smelled the best. There was something about her blood that literally sung to Lottie. Like the blood vessels had faces and arms, and they could hold instruments and shape their mouths to form harmonies. And it kissed Lottie’s ears and caressed her brain like silk. It made her undead heart throb and vroom around like The Flash running into buildings. It made her entire cold body feel like raging fire. Her fangs ached and it was nearly impossible to keep them hidden. And her throat, God did it burn. It was like her teeth were being smacked with a hammer as acid was poured down her throat. 

It was the worst possible temptation and yearning that Lottie had ever endured. She thought wanting Jackie beforehand was bad, this was bad. So bad. 

So Lottie had been scaling back on her time spent with Jackie. No longer was she the first one to arrive at practices and games. She didn’t linger afterwards, choosing to shower when she got home than with the rest of the girls. For parties she smoked cigarettes that no longer held any taste (or harm) to her and tried to get lost in the music. She didn’t even really go to parties anymore, they were too tempting. It felt like a restaurant to her and she didn’t want to risk hurting anyone. And she basically never hung out with Jackie anymore, not one-on-one like they used to. 

Every Friday after school since they were five-years-old, without fail, they would spend the night at each other’s house. Sometimes it was Lottie’s and they would be unsupervised after 8:00 pm because that’s when Rosaline “put her to bed”. Other times the Taylor’s would feel extra possessive and want to keep an eye on Jackie so they would stay at her place. Even when Shauna started stealing Jackie away and Jeff became a nuisance, Jackie always made time for Lottie. Especially these last few months because of…the accident. Jackie wanted to make sure Lottie knew that she was there if she ever needed anything; eating too many calories in ice cream as they mooned over romcoms, painting each other’s fingernails as they swapped gossip, practicing soccer, or just a shoulder to cry on. Or literally anything. 

Lottie appreciated it all and hated that she couldn’t show that. She hated that she had to push Jackie away. Because if she didn’t, then Jackie could end up hurt or worse. As tempting as Jackie’s blood was, it wasn’t stronger than the fear of losing Jackie. Nothing could be stronger than that and the love that accompanied it. (Except it wasn’t love, right?) 

Sure, Lottie could at least answer Jackie’s texts or a few calls. (Never a FaceTime call though. No, Lottie was too paranoid about her appearance. She looked the exact same except for when she “turned”, but she still worried that Jackie could tell. That all humans could tell. Jackie knew her better than anyone, had watched her body grow and change, surely she could pick up on this.) But she didn’t. If she answered those texts or any calls, it would be harder to keep her physical distance from the town’s beloved queen. It was all or nothing. 

Currently Lottie was writing in her journal with those smelly gel pens that Jackie got her. (Very Vampire Diaries of her. Yeah, she knows. Get the jokes out now people!) Lottie had always found solace in journaling (not because Jackie and Shauna did it) because paper couldn’t judge you, and Duncan said it would help sort out the mess that came with this new lifestyle. It helped to write down how each animal tasted differently and the best areas she could go for hunting. It also helped calm her mind (and dead heart) over her best friend. When her hand shook to pick up her phone or her body vibrated to go to Jackie, Lottie picked up a pen and got to writing. Which was what she was doing now. 

She had some mixtape playing on her phone, her earbuds plugged in deeply to her ears. The music was up loud because hearing damage was no longer an issue and all of her senses were heightened to protect her. It was a mixtape Natalie helped Jackie make for Lottie. (She only knows this because she knows Jackie’s music taste and half of these songs were not hers. Lottie shared both Jackie and Natalie’s music taste so it made sense.) 

She was immersed in the thoughts and emotions pouring out on the page, like the journal was the ocean and those thoughts and feelings were a boat and she was on the boat, when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Her elegantly bushy eyebrows rose and her dark brown eyes flitted up. Every muscle in her body was tightening itself into predatorial action and her senses were sharpening. The music faded away and her writing was forgotten. 

Floral. Japanese Cherry Blossom perfume from Bath & Body Works. Cherry chapstick. That’s what Lottie smelled, and she could hear grunting. She knew all of those smells and that sound from anywhere. She knew that taste that permeated the air from anywhere. 

Lottie paused her music and tugged her earbuds out. Neatly folding the wired buds on her phone and gently placing them on her journal, she stood up from her plushy bed (that felt too comfortable due to her heightened senses, so she chose to sleep on the floor most nights) and faced her window. Sure enough, there was Jackie Taylor fumbling to climb inside Lottie’s bedroom. She looked ridiculous to say the least, like Stiles Stilinski. Her letterman jacket was hanging around her middle body and bunched on her right arm that was already in the bedroom and pulling herself in. One leg was awkwardly thrown in as well. Her always perfectly done hair was now not perfect and she was huffing and puffing like she was about to blow Lottie’s mansion down. But when she saw Lottie, she brightened. 

“Hey, Lot. Gonna give a girl a hand?” 

No, Lottie thought but didn’t say. As rarely as Lottie saw Jackie these days, she touched her even less. It was like her entire body was being electrocuted and she couldn’t stop buzzing. It just accentuated the smell of Jackie’s blood and the call to Lottie’s soul. All it did was make Lottie never want to let go of Jackie. Lottie worried that if she didn’t drink Jackie’s blood, then she would surely accidentally crush her bones and stop her heart. 

But, Lottie walked over and gently helped Jackie in. Lottie was gentle at heart so that’s how she treated everyone. But there was extra care when it came to Jackie. And nowadays it is even worse. Lottie was painfully conscious of her strength and her force. No one ever expresses how difficult it is to suppress your strength when you become a vampire. Yes, the bloodlust is perhaps the worst part. But being able to snap a spinal cord in a simple one arm hug is an excruciating worry. Lottie can never hold Jackie’s hand again without the fear of crushing all those bones to dust. Playfully pushing her would send her halfway across the soccer field! 

God, Lottie hates playing soccer so bad now. She never thought that would be a sentence she would utter in her own mind ever. She never thought it would be such a passionate feeling. Aside from Jackie, soccer was her safe haven from the real world. Nothing mattered when you were on the pitch because that checkered ball was all that mattered. You had to focus on getting that ball from one end to the other with nine girls going at you and working with eight other girls. (And of course you had to worry about losing your spot to someone on JV.) Not to mention the rush that came with the sport. 

Now though, it was pure hell. Lottie had all of that to worry about still on top of worrying about killing teenage girls. She could literally rip a girl in half if she went at her a certain way. Not only would that be depressing, but she’d out herself and the rest of vampires (and the supernatural world) to the public so there’s that. Underworld: Awakening and Underworld: Blood Wars would no longer be fiction but reality. So yeah, soccer was no longer fun and freeing. It was literal hell for her. 

But she couldn’t quit. Maybe for a while, since she was just in a traumatic accident and everyone is oh so sympathetic afterwards. But eventually everyone would expect her back on the team. (Except for Jackie, Natalie, and Laura Lee. But even they would just be concerned and bug Lottie about it to a certain degree.) So Lottie had to stay on the team and act like soccer wasn’t the most stressful part of her existence. 

Jackie smiled up at Lottie as she found her footing. Lottie was a tall girl for her (eternal) age and the height difference between her and Jackie was comical. Maybe that’s partly why people were always surprised when they found out the two were best friends. The 5’4 short stack was besties with the 5’10 beanstalk? Yep! And they both loved it for essentially the same reasons, the depth to those reasons different. Lottie liked carrying Jackie around because it was something only she could do and it made her feel special in Jackie’s life. She liked being able to care for Jackie. And Jackie liked Lottie carrying her around because she liked being cared for and not having to walk everywhere. Jackie hated the crane in her neck from having to look up at Lottie, but Lottie found it adorable. Jackie’s height was so cute to Lottie and she loved their height relationship. Even now, she could feel her still heart fluttering. 

“Thanks.” Jackie chirped in that adorable voice of hers. 

“You’re welcome.” Lottie said, ever the polite young girl. Not only had her parents instilled manners in her to accommodate their rich status, but she found that it didn’t cost to be kind. “What are you doing climbing through my window at 10:49 at night?”

“What are you doing with your window open at 10:49 at night?” Jackie shot back. 

“I like the breeze. How’d you climb up here?” Lottie fired back, furrowing her eyebrows and peering around Jackie’s shoulder even though she could literally see straight ahead without Jackie’s head in the way. 

Jackie turned around and looked out the window. “Oh, I climbed the rosebush ladder thing!” She said it like it was the easiest and simplest thing in the world. 

Lottie’s face screwed up in sheer terror. “You could’ve fallen!” 

“Yeahhh well I had to see you, and I didn’t want to piss off your parents by ringing the doorbell.” 

“You could’ve texted me, I would’ve let you in.” Lottie said after calming down. 

“Would you have? Miss I’ve-been-ignoring-your-texts! Actually, I think you even left me on read once.” 

Lottie looked up and sighed. Of course that’s why Jackie was visiting her, because of the distancing. It was bound to happen when you spend twelve years of your life growing up with someone and being their other half. Lottie expected Jackie to notice within two days and get curious and eventually confront her about it. Jackie wasn’t an argumentative or confrontational person, but she was a girl who liked answers and needed to know what was wrong with those she cared about. Sometimes she could be a little nosy or overbearing, but it was all in good faith. 

“What’s going on with you? Is it your parents?” Jackie presses, the worry in those bug eyes causing them to glow like honey and - oh, Lottie could just melt in them. 

Of course Jackie would ask about her parents. Even though the Matthews are rich and could afford to have at home nurses cater to them, Jackie knew Lottie would still go out of her way to take care of the parents who never took care of her. But that wasn’t it. Her parents were healing just fine from the boat collapse and didn’t even need a nurse - or Lottie. 

“No. No, they’re fine. We’re all fine.” Lottie answered truthfully. 

(Well, she wasn’t totally fine. There were no physical mundane worries, but her mind was a warzone. No longer did she hallucinate things and feel like a crazy nutjob, but her mind was still a mess. A part of Lottie prefers being a vampire over a schizophrenic weirdo and another part of her wishes she could be the weirdo again.) 

“Then what is it?” Jackie asks with a frown that makes her look like a puppy. Lottie remembers when she used to teasingly squeeze those cheeks during sleepovers. If she did that now, she’d probably rip Jackie’s jaw off. God, she felt like she was gonna be sick. 

Lottie hesitated because she didn’t know what to say. What could she say? Certainly not the truth! If she said, “yeah I’m just struggling with being a vampire. I don’t want to snap you in half or drain you of your blood. And soccer is driving me crazy. But I’ve healed up just fine!” that wouldn’t go over well with Jackie. So what did Lottie tell Jackie? How could she explain that she was distancing herself to keep Jackie safe? It wouldn’t make sense if she said that without context. She couldn’t lie or gaslight Jackie because that wasn’t the kind of person Lottie Matthews was. So not the truth, not a lie. Then what? 

Jackie kept staring at Lottie and once again Lottie started to worry that Jackie would be able to see a difference. Were her fangs out? Were her eyes red? Has her skin changed to Natalie’s paleness? No, no it was none of those things. Jackie was just worried because Lottie was never this quiet. Lottie had never taken this long to tell Jackie anything except for when she came out as gay and when she told Jackie she had schizophrenia. So that right there obviously meant something big was going on, which just made things even worse for Lottie. 

Another part of Lottie wishes she wasn’t a vampire or a schizophrenic weirdo but dead. Her parents would mourn her for a while, contemplate their parental teachings and finally acknowledge their neglect only to reassure themselves that they did everything right. Laura Lee would pray to her and God every night for the rest of her life. Natalie would toast to her and dedicate a joint to her. The rest of the team would be sad and reminisce on their time together, maybe forever. But it’s Jackie that really sickens that wish of having died. 

A part of Jackie would have died with Lottie because a part of herself is Lottie. The both of them were girls with hearts of gold birthed from parents with hearts of coal. They both just wanted their parents to stop caring about superficial things and care about them. They both loved cheesy rom coms and vintage clothes. They both loved soccer and animals. Both wanted a pet dog or pet cat but couldn’t get one because their parents wouldn’t let them due to them being too annoyingly rowdy and accident prone. Both liked the occasional cigarette shared with Nat. They loved their teammates and would do absolutely anything for them and not expect anything in return. 

Both girls were so much alike but also so different. They had similar experiences and understood each other’s thoughts and feelings. But they weren’t the same people. They still had their differences. Like how Jackie would end up crying if she was angry whereas Lottie needed to walk away and cool off. Lottie had a spiritual connection whereas Jackie really didn’t believe in anything, which affected how they viewed things and acted / reacted to things. (Like Jackie referring to Lottie for comfort and guidance, where Lottie would turn to God.) Lottie kind of enjoyed dressing preppy and girly and just hated how it felt forced by her parents, whereas Jackie wished she could dress more like Shauna and Mari. Jackie was effortlessly good at school whereas Lottie was only good because she tried. Jackie was kind and open to all whereas Lottie was a sweetheart but didn’t really go out of her way to befriend people. Jackie liked going to parties for the social aspects and Lottie liked going to parties for the feeling she got from being there and just wanted to vibe. 

They were the perfect amount of the same and different. Yin and yang. So if Lottie had died in the harbor that night, so would have half of Jackie. Lottie would be eternal in Jackie’s mind and a constant pain in her heart. Everything would somehow remind Jackie of Lottie at first. Then over time, as she would forget things about Lottie or not have Lottie as her immediate first thought, she would feel guilty. And when it all came to an end, Jackie would look forward to being reunited with Lottie. And Lottie couldn’t do that to Jackie, so she didn’t. 

Someday, Jackie would be forced to do that to Lottie, and Lottie wasn’t looking forward to it. A world without Jackie Taylor felt like a world without sunshine. That just didn’t feel like a world worth living in to Lottie. 

“I’ve just been…struggling, with the memories. From that night.” Lottie finally settled on saying because it was the vague truth. 

Jackie softened and of course reached out to comfort Lottie like she always did. Lottie tensed before reluctantly easing into Jackie’s touch. The shorter, lighter haired brunette frowned but didn’t comment on the action. Jackie rubbed the warm heel of her hand against Lottie’s forearm and squeezed. It felt like love being injected right into Lottie’s bloodstream and it felt stupendous. It was something Lottie could (and wanted) to get addicted to. 

“Have you been journaling? I know that helps you sometimes.” Jackie asked. 

“Yeah, I have.” Is all Lottie said in response. It was all she really needed to say. 

Jackie nodded her head. Her eyes slowly flickered to the side and she bit her lip. Clearly she wasn’t satisfied with Lottie’s answer and was still worried. Lottie did forget to clarify if the journaling was helping or not. 

“What about Dr. Pinkett? Have you been to see her?” 

Dr. Pinkett was Lottie’s therapist, but she didn’t really have any reason to go to her anymore seeing as how vampirism is a cure for schizophrenia. It also wasn’t like she could be of much help to Lottie’s mental frustration since she didn’t know vampires existed. Lottie needed a therapist that specializes in vampires, and she wasn’t sure those existed. Duncan was technically the closest thing to a vampire therapist she had. Maybe he could refer to one. 

Again, none of this was anything Lottie could tell Jackie. 

Lottie just shook her head. “No, I haven’t.”

Jackie frowned. “You should.” 

Lottie sighed. She knew that Jackie wouldn’t be satisfied until she agreed to see Dr. Pinkett, and that still wouldn’t be totally satisfying until Jackie knew that Lottie really had gone. So for once, Lottie lied to Jackie. And since she had never done it before, Jackie couldn’t even tell. 

“I will. 

Jackie gave a firm nod. “Good!” 

Silence. That was something that was rare between the two girls but never tense or bad. They could excel in silence with one another because they found comfort in just each other’s presence. Lottie can remember laying in a field with Jackie, basking in the warmth of the sun (but Jackie felt warmer than even the surface of the sun). At first they had been having a platonic picnic date and took a bunch of pictures on Jackie’s polaroid camera Lottie bought her for her 14th birthday. They had kicked the soccer ball around some and then laid down. They conversed which drifted into only Jackie yapping and Lottie making occasional comments. Eventually they settled into silence. They were lying opposite of each other, only their heads next to each other. They had felt so unbelievably close and intimate in that moment. It was one of Lottie’s favorite memories with Jackie, and it still is. 

But now the silence is tense and awkward. It’s like the silence was calling Lottie out on her bullshit and alerting Jackie to Lottie’s internal struggles. And of course it would, because the two girls were just that connected. It made Lottie sigh frustratedly. She hated this! She just wanted things back to the way they used to be with Jackie. She wanted to go back to silently yearning for her best friend while still being best friends. It felt like they couldn’t be best friends anymore, not as long as Lottie was distancing herself until she got her strength and cravings under control. She didn’t even know how long that would take. Now she was yearning for Jackie as her best friend and girlfriend. 

“Is something else bothering you?” Jackie asked, almost suspiciously. That was new. Jackie and Lottie always trusted each other. They never lied or hid anything from each other (except for Lottie’s romantic devotion to Jackie, of course). So Jackie sounding suspicious felt cold to Lottie and made her skin crawl. She didn’t like it one bit. 

Lottie parted her lips and hesitated, which of course didn’t help her situation. She closed her mouth and swallowed hard. Finally, she stepped back, causing Jackie;s hand to let go of her arm. That made Jackie frown in confusion. Jackie never got confused when it came to Lottie because she knew the gentle giant like the back of her hand. And Lottie knew Jackie the same way. 

“It’s late. I’m tired.” Clipped sentences now. Great. Lottie was doing a bang up job at…whatever the fuck she’s doing. Was she trying to push Jackie away or trying to keep Jackie from worrying? Was she trying to save their friendship or ruin it? God, she didn’t know anymore. She knew she wanted to keep Jackie as her best friend but didn’t think it was the smartest decision. 

Jackie’s frown deepened and Lottie immediately wanted to rewind and make the conscientious decision to save their friendship. But it was too late, it looked like she was heading towards ruining their friendship. 

“But you were still awake when I got here.” Jackie pointed out as she looked at the journal on the bed and back to Lottie. 

Good point. Lottie bit her lip. 

“Lottie, just talk to me. What’s going on?” Jackie asked, crossing her arms in concern. 

What’s going on? What’s going on is that Lottie died when that stupid boat her parents took her on capsized. Other people died and others got injured, but she got brought back to life because a vampire paramedic took pity on her because she was only 17. Now she’s struggling with bloodlust and controlling her strength. All she wants is for her best friend to hold her and tell her that everything’s going to be okay even if it isn't true. But she can’t! Her life has completely turned upside-fucking-down and she’s just reeling. It’s all so new and complicated and navigating this new lifestyle is hard! Lottie’s scared and she misses Jackie so badly it hurts. 

But again, Lottie can’t say a word of that to Jackie. So she’s left with pushing Jackie away - possibly for good - or lying to her. And she hates both with her entire being. 

Lottie hangs her head. 

“Go away, Jackie.” Lottie says softly and quietly. That was a sentence Lottie never thought she’d say, and one that tastes like bile on her tongue. Or rancid blood. 

Jackie quirks her eyebrows and lips together in a warm disbelieving gesture of hers full of amusement. Of course she would react that way, because Lottie would never say that or treat her this way. It has to be a joke. “Go away? Since when do you tell me to go away?” 

“Since now.” Lottie says calmly and softly, a bit of firmness that only a leader would use. She lifts her head and looks Jackie in the eyes when says this, like she’s some confident leader that is in charge and knows that this is for the best. Like Jackie needs to obey her. She’s never spoken like this to Jackie before. 

Jackie furrows her eyebrows and shifts her feet. Her crossed arms tighten, as if to hold herself and ground herself. To keep herself from freaking out. 

“But..”

“Go, Jackie.”

The two girls, once best friends, stare at each other. Neither of them are aware of where they stand now. Neither of them know if Lottie is really trying to push Jackie away. But neither of them like this. Lottie acts unaffected while Jackie shows her confusion and pain. Lottie hates it, God does she hate it. 

Jackie frowns. “Fine.” She says, angrily. She turns and starts to head for the window then stops. “Can I at least use your front door? I don’t think I can Rizzo my way down.” 

God, leave it to Jackie to reference a movie when having a serious moment. It takes everything of Lottie to not smile brightly at the girl. 

“I’ll be quiet, so I won't wake your parents.” Jackie adds softly, kindly. 

Lottie’s dead, useless heart flutters at the familiarity of Jackie’s compassion. It was always her favorite attribute of Jackie’s. She loved how steadfast it was. 

Lottie nods. “Yeah.” 

Jackie nods too. They both stare at one another for another second before Jackie goes to walk past Lottie and to her bedroom door. Lottie ducks her eyes down and holds her breath as Jackie walks past. She has to strain herself to focus on the fibers in her carpet so that she doesn’t reach out and pull Jackie’s tiny body into her tall one. It feels like her entire body is pulled taught just to keep her arm from reaching out. It’s excruciating to be so close to what you want and having the ability to do what you want, but acting against it. It’s the worst feeling in the universe. 

“I’ll see you in school.” Is the last thing Jackie says, not kindly but not unkindly either, before slipping quietly out of Lottie’s bedroom. 

The bedroom door clicks shut behind Jackie. Used to sneaking out of her own house, Jackie is a pro at creeping down the mansion stairs and out the impressive front door. Lottie closes her eyes and listens to Jackie’s heartbeat until she’s two blocks away. Hanging her head, she walks back over to her bed and sits down. She doesn’t pick up her journal and phone. She doesn’t resume writing and listening to her music. 

Lottie just sits there and stares at the past, and she cries for it to come back to her. 

Sounds easy, except you have Tara Carpenter as a surrogate little sister, so changing clothes wasn’t always easy. Like right now for instance!

Kirby was heading to her bedroom which was right down the hall from Sam and Tara’s rooms. She had only shredded her leather jacket by the front door when she heard a loud thud careening from the other side of the apartment.

Tara always got home first, so Kirby wrote it off as Tara being clumsy. She had a tendency to be clumsy at times. After hanging her jacket up, she kicked off her shoes and heard a pound against the wall, like a harsh clap. Now, Tara was never that clumsy. The blonde FBI agent parted her lips and furrowed her eyebrows, her skin prickling over. Ghostface was usually a lot louder, and it had only been a few months since the sixth overall attacks which would make for the shorted time span between attacks. Her gun was still holstered against her hip, so she placed her hand over it and began creeping in the direction of the bedrooms. The closer she got, the more noises she heard. There were sounds of shuffling around and small murmurs, so Kirby thought that maybe Tara was having a slightly calmer nightmare. There was another thud though, this one louder and cracking like a whip against Kirby’s heart. She crept more quickly down the hallway and could hear hushed voices on the other end. “Seriously? Just leave it.” Was a breathless command. It didn’t sound like Tara was in any physical danger, but Kirby didn’t want to take any chances. The blonde knocked on the door before swinging it open. “Tara?” “Oh, shit!” “Kirby!” “Woah!” All three responses mingled the air like an off-key orchestra. Tara was on the bed with her shirt halfway up her chest to expose her stomach and the pink underlining of her bra. Who was once hovering over Tara was now on the other side of the bed, close to the closed window and shirtless. Y/N whipped her head around as she looked for her shirt, desperate to end this awkwardness. This was not the audience she had wanted with her nakedness. “Turn around!” Tara waved her hand at Kirby as she tossed Y/N her shirt. Kirby did no such thing. Instead, she just stared daggers into Y/N frame as she wrestled the shirt over her head. When her head popped out, her hair was all over the place and looked like wires. Still, she stepped forward and reached a shaky hand out to Kirby. Tara growled as she pulled her shirt down and scrambled off the bed. “H-hi. Nice to see you again, Kirby. Or Miss Reed.” “Hi, Y/N. What are you doing here?” While Y/N had been attacked and cleared a few months ago after the Ghostface slayings, Kirby could never be too careful. Especially when it came to Tara. Y/N dropped her hand and retreated to Tara’s side when Kirby refused to shake her hand. “When did you two become a thing?” Kirby questioned. Tara pinched Y/N’s side to keep her from answering. Y/N whined and rubbed at her side, mumbling something about the girl being mean. Kirby watched her in amusement while Tara ignored her. “We’re not a thing,” Y/N’s face fell at that. “We’re dating.” Y/N’s entire being brightened at that announcement. Clearly they hadn’t disclosed specifics, Kirby noted. Smiling brightly, Y/N turned and looked at Tara’s serene side profile. “We’re dating? Like, you’re my girlfriend and I’m yours?” “Baby, stop talking.” Tara commanded in a soft tone as she slid her fingers through her girlfriend’s. With her mouth closed but still grinning, Y/N did as she was told. She turned her body back to face the older woman and took a minuscule step back under the adult’s balmy gaze.

Kirby reluctantly switched her attention over to Tara, her face softening at the short girl. “Well then, what about keeping the door cracked rule?” Kirby pressed on. “You guys weren’t home.” Tara grumbled, clearly pouting now. “Do you make a habit of breaking rules while we’re gone?” Y/N’s back gave up as her knees buckled. One glance down and Tara was gripping her hand so hard that both of their hands were a searing white. Discomfort was written all over Y/N’s face, but she didn’t seem to be in any pain. “Is it breaking rules if you guys aren’t here? And what’s with the interrogation? You’re off work.” It wasn’t a stomp per se, but Tara did shift her body and ground her foot down hard when she did. The yelp that echoed through the room told Kirby that Y/N was now in some pain.

Poor girl. This had to be a lot for her, all she wanted to do was have sex with her girlfriend and now she was stuck in the middle of a standoff between her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s surrogate big sister. Life was so rough. “Lets go have a chit chat real quick.” Kirby turned to allow Tara to walk out and nodded her head in the direction. Tara huffed and rolled her eyes before obeying, but not before leaving a kiss on Y/N’s cheek.

Kirby turned to follow after but paused as a thought fluttered cross her brain. She pointed an unwavering finger at the girl who seemed to shrink just from the small action. “You don’t go anywhere.” Y/N looked around the room in confusion. Besides the window, there wasn’t any other escape route that wouldn’t let Kirby know. Heights and parkour weren’t really her strong suit either. “Where would I go?” Kirby left before Y/N could see her smile. She liked Y/N, but right now she had to take on the intimidating role of older sister. Tara was standing in the middle of the living room with her arms crossed over her chest and a glare glowing on her face. A smile tugged at the right corner of Kirby’s mouth. It was adorable whenever Tara got worked up, especially if she was staring up at Sam who was a giant compared to her. (Kirby thinks Y/N may have compared the two sisters to a tree and a squirrel, but she couldn’t be sure.) “Don’t give me that face, kiddo. You know I’m just looking out for you.” “Do you know how long it took to reassure Y/N that my sisters weren’t going to murder her? She’s more afraid of you guys than Ghostface!” ‘She should be.’ Kirby thought to herself. “We’re not going to murder her.” Kirby looked down with her eyes and cocked her head to the side. “As long as she doesn’t try to murder you.” “She took a knife to the gut for me, trust me, she’s not going to murder me.” All traces of jest were wiped away as Kirby watched Tara’s frown turn from a pout to a regretful grimace. It seemed that Tara still blamed herself for Y/N getting hurt. Kirby couldn’t blame Y/N, only respect her, because Tara was a special girl. The blonde would sacrifice anything and anyone just to keep Sam and Tara safe. (Seems like Y/N might be making it into the mix soon.) “Hey,” Tara looked up at the gentle tone with the softest look on her face. It was the same face she always had whenever her and Kirby would talk about their paralleled trauma or Sam would hold her after a nightmare. She looked so innocent, so precious.

“I came home, and I heard noises. I didn’t know she was here, so I got worried. I’m sorry for barging in.” Tara nodded her head gently. “It’s okay. Not cool, but okay.” Kirby grinned at her. “So, when’d you plan on telling me and Sam about you guys?” Stubborn Tara was back as she raised her eyebrows at the older woman. “I was going to tell you guys tonight. Y/N definitely thinks you don’t like her now.” “I like Y/N, I just need to scare her a bit at first. That’s my role as the older sister.” Tara huffed as she stared at the floor, toying with a random spot in the hardwood floor with her socked feet. With wide, innocent eyes and a gentle face, she looked at Kirby with hope glinting in her eyes. “You like Y/N? For real?” Kirby chuckled and nodded her head. “For real. Now go bring her out here.” “You can come out now, Y/N!” Tara hollered, smirking when Kirby glared at her for yelling. The clicking of the bedroom door sounded and then there was shuffling from Y/N. Tara met her halfway, at the end of the hallway and wrapped her hand around Y/N’s clammy one. She gazed up at Y/N with the definition of heart eyes and it made Kirby smile. “Don’t break her heart. I have a gun, Y/N, and I’m not afraid to use it.” Y/N nodded her head vehemently. “Yes ma’am.” Kirby’s eyebrows slid up and her body turned forward slightly. She couldn’t believe she had just heard that. Sure, she had to constantly remind Gale that she was an adult, but MA’AM? She wasn’t old! “Did you just call me ma’am?” Y/N’s eyes bugged out of her head as her jaw drop. She stared in horror before shaking her head. Even as Tara began walking them backwards, she didn’t stop her incoherent babbling. “Not-not in like a bad way- a bad way, just in a respectful way. Ya know?” Kirby squinted at the stressed girl and gave a curt shake of her head. “No, I don’t know.” Her words were pointed. Y/N noticeably paled. The way her lips kept parting and words kept fumbling around over her thick tongue, the more she resembled a fish. Tara tugged harder on her haunted girlfriend’s hand and resumed pulling her back to their room.

Out of all of those people, no one even compared to the raven-haired girl across the room. She was short, but Cairo could always spot her no matter the crowd. Most people teased her for her height, but Cairo genuinely found it endearing. Her smile was brighter than quasars, constantly leaving Cairo on her knees and rendering her useless. She had dimples accenting her marble, smooth cheeks. It was such a funny thing to Cairo, that dimples were biologically considered imperfections, but non-scientists find them alluring. All of the freckles kissing across her face were the stars in Cairo’s galaxy, the girl being Cairo’s revolving world. She had a unique voice that wasn’t like anyone else’s. There was a rasp to the edge of her words; sometimes the rasp was thickly coated, like when she woke up in the morning or was running out of breath or got excited. It could be deep, but not Sophia Bush deep. No matter what, it was always soft and pleasant sounding. A lot of people agreed with Cairo that listening to the other girl’s voice was calming, a remedy for anxiety even. Her eyes were big but not the repugnant kind. They were a deep brown that could light up and yet still remain mysterious. Her eyes were her most innocent feature and the ones that got her everything she wanted. She wasn’t just hot though. No. Her brain could remember the entire dialogue to The Babadook and graduated at the top of her class. She was very perceptive in a mostly subtle way. Snark was a fabulous hobby of hers and her heart was the most golden heart that ever shone. Selflessness and loyalty were the foundations of her persona, of who she was; what made her her. Everyone tripped over themselves at her natural, graceful beauty. Half of them were privy enough to see what she was about on the inside and fall head over heels for her. Cairo was definitely the latter. So was Chad. Cairo couldn’t blame him for falling for her childhood best friend. It’d be concerning if he didn’t. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less to watch him give heart eyes to the girl she was in love with. ‘She could never be yours anyways. You know that.’ Falling in love with your best friend was the worst form of emotional pain imaginable.

Cairo despised the media and pop culture that romanticized the trope, especially the ones with a happy ending. Happy endings were overrated and unrealistic, especially when it came to “unrequited love.” It either ends up being requited, or they find someone else. That wasn’t always the case though. For eighteen years, Tara had only ever looked at Cairo with platonic respect and adoration.

Ever since she was a teen, Cairo tried to find someone else to crush on and hoped for someone to want her. The last part never happened until this year. She was still out of luck in the crushing department. At the end of the day though, as much as Cairo felt like she was suffocating, she was happy for Chad and Tara. They were both her friends that she cared about and loved deeply. She’d never risk their happiness for her own, especially when it wasn’t likely to lead to happiness for her. Cairo winced as she sipped the awful beer in the red solo cup. It didn’t matter how hard she tried with alcohol; it just didn’t fancy her like it did the others. “Hey, Roe.” Cairo didn’t need to look up to know that it was Quinn who was standing beside her. Quinn was the only one who ever called her that, her own personal nickname for Cairo.

Everyone else called the brunette girl by her full name - or Cai - and teachers called her by her last name - Miss Reed - or Cairo. She really hated her name sometimes. Well, most of the time if she was being honest. “Hey, Quinn.” The ginger got to work with grabbing two red solo cups and picking up one of the glass bottles of alcohol. Cairo bit her lip and scanned the packed room for any sign of her roommate or their other two friends. Cairo turned back to Quinn to shout over the music, “Where’s Anika?” Quinn was grinning when she spoke, her eyes glittering intoxicatingly. “She’s trying to help Ethan score a date.” “Key word trying.” Cairo teased earning a chuckle from the other girl. “Mindy is having fun watching, and I am getting drinks for myself and that cute boy waiting for me.” Cairo turned to follow the direction Quinn had pointed to with her eyes. The boy looked to be the same height as Quinn with curly hair & a stubble that made him seem like a fuckboy, but his boyish smile and awkward wave was contradicting. The brunette nodded her head. She took a step closer to the ginger and leaned in close so she could be heard. “I think I’m going to leave, maybe check on Sam on the way back.” Before the friend group had rallied together and ventured off to this party, the Carpenter sisters had gotten into it...again.

The arguing between the two sisters was becoming more and more frequent as time was going on. Everyone was on edge, wanting to say something to ease the tension but not knowing what to do or knowing if it was their place to even do or say anything. The twins and Cairo worried more than anyone, having grown up with the two sisters. Tara used to listen to Cairo and the others when they had something to say. Especially Cairo. Nowadays, Tara only ever listened to herself and only did what sounded pleasing to her. Guess Chad sounded especially pleasing to the girl. Cairo was really trying not to think about that though. About any of it really. “What? Come on, you said you were going to try!” Quinn lightly smacked the back of her hand against Cairo’s bicep. The brunette chuckled halfheartedly and raised her eyebrows. “And I did, now I’m leaving.” Cairo knew that if she didn’t move her ass at that very second, Quinn was going to showcase a frown and beg Cairo to stay “for herself and not me.”

(It was true, Quinn was doing this all to help Cairo take her mind off of the girl she couldn’t have. But it was becoming too much for Cairo.) Quinn was already in the midst of tilting her head to the side and parting those talented lips. But Cairo was quicker. She was quicker than anyone at everything, except for telling Tara her feelings. Which was precisely why she was in this predicament. “I’ll see you later, Quinn.” Quinn sighed but let Cairo give her a hug and turn to head out the door. It wasn’t until she was down the sidewalk and turning into the quad on campus that Cairo finally felt like she could breathe. She dunked her head down and placed her hands on her hips. She couldn’t stop seeing Tara with Chad.

Or with Amber. She had thought that watching Tara kiss or hold hands with Amber was painful, to watch Tara’s eyes light up whenever she saw or talked about Amber, having to encourage Tara to make a move and smile for her, she thought all of that hurt.

But this…this was so much worse. Cairo almost wished she was back in high school, watching the two girls parade around. Walking in on Chad and Tara, that had been worst of all.

It was her own fault, she should’ve knocked a second time and waited for an okay. But she could tell something was wrong with Tara and she had to get to the bottom of it before she permanently lost her mind. There were too many days spent canceled and nights spent on read. It wasn’t like Tara, not even when she was with Amber. She had left the apartment, bolting down the stairs and struggling to hold the bile in before making it outside. There wasn’t any shame in her body as she wiped her mouth with her sleeve and stood up. They lived in New York City, some girl puking on the sidewalk was the least weird thing citizens saw. Cairo went back to the dorm that night crying. Anika was staying at Mindy’s dorm, which was only down the hallway, so she didn’t have to worry about being bombarded with questions.

She spent the rest of the evening into later afternoon, hibernating under her covers with her earbuds in and curtains drawn. She was in the shower, changing out of her clothes from the night before finally, when Anika made it back. They spoke briefly through the curtain and then Anika was gone, off to hang out more with her girlfriend and their friends.

So, Cairo just dressed in whatever she found and got back into bed with a trashcan nearby. Having to pretend for another month like she didn’t know they were together was utter torture for Cairo.

Every time she was around Chad she felt nauseated, and she couldn’t look at Tara without her throat starting to hurt from suppressing sobs. At parties, she got blackout drunk so that she didn’t have to remember them being touchy with one another. She stopped texting Tara as much and didn’t ask to hang out anymore. For two months, Cairo had been smiling in the presence of the couple and drinking herself to sleep. She was getting tired of the drinking if she was honest. Being hungover and heartbroken was the most horrific combo.

The past few days she had been lying in bed with her hood blocking her from the rest of the world and earbuds drilled in. She hated how much of a baby she was about this whole thing. Hell, this felt worse than all of the stabs she received last year.

(Or the single one she received at eight years old.) Or worse than the betrayal of her older sister who she had idolized. “Tara will never be yours, Cairo.” “She doesn’t have to be, as long as she isn’t yours.” Then she headbutted Amber, sending the girl staggering backwards. There were three gunshots that sang Cairo to sleep.

When she woke up, Sidney was there. She didn’t see Tara until the next day. Since then, she hadn’t seen Tara a whole lot. She figured that the young Carpenter girl blamed her for the Ghostface attacks or wished that she hadn’t made it out alive.

Or maybe she cared more about Chad than Cairo. She wasn’t really sure. All Cairo was ever sure of anymore was that she missed her cousin Sidney. Sidney had wanted to adopt Cairo after being orphaned, but authorities thought it was best for her to stay with a closer relative, her father. He had no problem signing his rights over to Kirby three years later when she finally turned 21 years old.

For reasons that didn’t make sense, he didn’t want to give Cairo over to Sidney. Cairo thinks he just reached his limit and saw Kirby as the closest scapegoat. “You still want me?” “Of course I do. I might have adopted you, but you’ll always be my little sister, and I’ll always take care of you. Okay?” Cairo blew out a raspberry and started walking in the direction of the Carpenter-Quinn household.

It took two knocks in two intervals for Sam to open the door.

Cairo stood on the other side, twirling her earbuds around; to the left and to the right, raveling the cord around her finger and unraveling it. She immediately dropped her hand, holding her earbuds with both hands, when the door opened. Cairo grinned mischievously and cocked her head to the side. “Hello, Cute Boy.” Said man chuckled softly and smiled charmingly at the shorter girl. Cairo kept on smiling as the man turned back to Sam, who looked rather uncomfortable at the whole situation. “I’ll call you later.” The stranger said. Sam nodded her head and lifted her tense lips up. “Okay.” “Okay.” The man said, still smiling dreamily at Sam. Cairo had to duck her head down and scratch her cheek as the man walked by so he wouldn’t see her cheesing. She watched him walk down the stairs, turning back to look at Sam at the top step before continuing.

She raised her dusty brown eyebrows at Sam with the same antagonizing grin in place. “Cute Boy from across the hall, huh?” Sam scoffed and rolled her eyes. Her reluctant smile contradicted her previous actions.

All Cairo could do was laugh. “Get in.” Sam nudged her head behind her. Cairo did as she was told, plopping herself down on the couch. Sam gave the brunette a reprimanding look, but it didn’t succeed its message.

The younger girl had her hands clasped behind her head and was smiling gorgeously. It was the smile that made her gray-brown eyes sparkle and had Sam wishing for a different life for the girl. Sam smiled and crossed her arms in that sisterly manner of hers. “What are you doing here, Cairo?” The brunette shrugged nonchalantly. But her downcast eyes and moving feet said she was uncomfortable. “Just came to check on you.” When she flicked her gaze up, she saw Sam looking to the side and nodding her head. She released her bottom lip and ran a hand through her inky black hair as she descended on the couch.

The older girl smacked Cairo’s shoes prompting her to raise her feet. She promptly set them back down on Sam’s lap afterwards. Sam cupped the top of the girl’s bottom legs and turned to look at her.

Cairo no longer had her hands behind her head but clasped carefully on her stomach. She was looking at Sam like she was the older sister or the mom, patiently waiting for the girl to speak and waiting to catch Sam if need be. “She’s not dealing with this, Cairo.” The gray-brown eyed girl sighed empathetically, her head nodding along. “Does she talk to you about it?” Sam asked. Cairo glanced down at her lap and shifted. “She doesn’t talk much to me anymore.” It wasn’t like Tara had just dropped Cairo.

They stilled texted a lot and there were frequent phone calls. But ever since the attacks in Woodsboro last year, Tara had been keeping her distance from Cairo. When they did talk or see each other, it was as if everything was the same as it had been before. Ever since Chad and Tara had finally come forward with their relationship (even though it was painfully obvious to everyone), Tara had been more talkative and social with Cairo. The brunette couldn’t help but feel like maybe Chad had said something to prompt the change. He was a nice guy, very protective and loyal to those closest to him, goofy and definitely attractive. Cairo loved Chad. It just made everything hurt so much more. Cairo lifted her gaze from her twitchy fingers to gauge the older girl.

She was looking off into the distance, watching memories and worst-case scenarios on the blank tv screen. Sam looked miserable. That tended to happen when you worried about your little sister’s trauma. “What about you?” Sam stitched her eyebrows together and frowned at the younger girl. Cairo took that as a prompt to elaborate further. “How are you doing with…dealing about this? How’s therapy going?” Sam heaved a heavy sigh that left Cairo’s heart twisting uncomfortably. “I think I need to find a new therapist. This guy pushed me to open up the other night then wanted to assign me to someone else. Pretty sure he has a foot fetish too.” Sam added the last part thoughtfully. “Sounds like a douche. I say dump his ass before he dumps you. But don’t dump Cute Boy.” Cairo grinned like a cheshire cat. Sam rolled her eyes fondly, pushing the brunette’s legs off of her.

Cairo squeaked as she tilted to the side, almost falling off the couch and onto the floor. She watched as Sam got up, heading into the dining room to clean up. That’s when Cairo noticed the two wine glasses and two empty plates. (Cairo tried not to worry about the wine glasses. It was just wine…right? It was drugs and beer that were Sam’s vices, not wine. Christina was the one whose vice was alcohol in general. That woman would drink anything she could get her hands on. Anything that fuzzed her thoughts and shattered her inhibitions was welcomed to her digestive system.) There weren’t any candles or dimly lit lights on in the apartment, so it didn’t seem like they were going for an intimate night. Which made sense, because Sam didn’t know if Tara would be coming back or not.

It didn’t take a genius to piece together that no one knew about Cute Boy because Sam didn’t want to set Tara off in any way. Still, Cairo felt bad for interrupting their date night. “His name is Danny, and we aren’t dating.” Sam said lightly from the kitchen. Cairo shrugged as she picked up a weird looking piece of chicken to sniff. “Could’ve fooled me.” There wasn’t any noise except for the clinking of cutlery and spray of water. Cairo hoisted herself up onto the counter in the kitchen and cupped the edge. “I’m not going to tell anyone that I saw him here, I won’t even mention him at all. Now, tell me about how long this has been going on and who initiated it.” Sam couldn’t help but blush as Cairo smiled and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Cairo laughed softly at the flustered woman and playfully kicked her calf. When a minute passed by with no answer, Cairo raised her eyebrows expectantly.