#ghost.as

Oh?? Talk about my quads?? That’s the hill you want to die on fucker?? Sit down and get comfortable ‘cos this shit’s boutta get sappy as hell. I did this once before and im a little unsure what to say now though. I’ll go pitch to pale to Pictor ? Im still flushed for them I just liked the P alliteration goin’ on. 

To start this shitshow, Thunder. Or Crosse, whatever you want to call him. He’s a rotten brat but he’s alright when he wants to be. And when he takes his meds he’s tolerable. I let him experiment and do tattoos on me, he let’s me stab holes through his fins for practice. It’s a mutual agreement. And I guess I help scare away that other fuchsia he doesn’t like. There’s been a few times when Cro bursts through my hive door and just yells “hes back” and hides under the table for a few hours. Whatever floats his boat. 

Toresce isn’t as bad as I say he is. He’s less tolerable than Thunder but he’s not insufferable. I do kind of feel bad for makin’ him rush into a relationship when he wasn’t completely ready but maybe it isn’t a bad thing. Helps him move on. Im glad he came to me when he was scared but it was also difficult. my instincts said to do what I always do but that would’ve been too much for him. Eh. He’s confusing. I love him in a weird pitch way, not quite hate because if I hated him I just wouldn’t fuck with him or let him close but he isn’t exactly on my good side. I’m still prepared to punch the fuck out of him but i’m not making any moves to seriously hurt him. Not that I want to hurt anybody. 

The pale quadrant has always been a weird one. I feel like the lines have always been blurred for me. I get too pale for those in my pitch and red, and I get too red for those in my pale. Or sometimes it’s a little pitch. Idk. I never fit quite in the cookie cutter descriptions of quads. And my pale is weird. Anguil and I have known each other since we were young. Anguil was a lot of firsts for me and continues to be so. Overall, I feel like I could lose the world and as long as he was still by my side, I’d be alright. Did you know we’ve gotten mistaken for red a few times? He’s very kissy, I don’t mind. I like it. Though there’s some dissonance between being smooched on and then electrocuted the next second. I like that I have someone I can be affectionate with. I like having someone I can hold close and be stupid around. He brings out the wriggler part of me, I get stupid and we do dumb things like get really high. Sometimes I flirt a whole bunch and he gets all blue and his fins flutter. It’s cute. He’s cute. He has a piece of my pusher and he knows it well. He has me wrapped around his finger, and he knows that too. 

Abanny is another part of my pusher. I feel the same about her as I do Anguil, in a more mellow way. Anguil feels like…bright, like nostalgia, like wrigglerhood fun and causing mischief. Abanny feels like home. Abanny feels like security, like safety. I feel like I can relax around her. I don’t have to be so….what other’s want, I suppose. I can take a deep breath. And I can trust her. I know she trusts me, she’s told me things I don’t think she’d tell any random stranger. And one of these days, I’ll tell her those things too. Just haven’t found the right time. Until then, I am more than happy just occupying the same space, watching horror movies. She’s very patient, she’s wise beyond her sweeps. She’s starting to learn how to piece together the bullshit I spew. She’s going to be as good as Anguil soon. Its weird dating a fan, of course, I wasn’t too sure of it at first. But I really love Abanny, in a pale way. She’s great. The world could crumble and I’m pretty sure I’d be fine as long as I had her, or Anguil. Preferably both. 

And last but certainly not least, Pictor. Pictor mystifies me in a way. I never could have pictured myself falling for someone like them. Now that sounds bad, hear me out. They’re not assertive, they’re not defiant, they’re anxious and…they’re…real. I hate talking about Bubble. And I don’t want to compare the two since they’re two different trolls. But Bubble was…brash, and aggressive. And I don’t see Pictor as being aggressive Or brash. I guess with Pic I just feel…confident. Secure. I don’t think they’re going to go off on me for making a mistake (which I’ve come to learn wasn’t the right thing for Bubble to do). Thinking about Pictor brings a lot of emotions, but they can easily be summarized as that wrigglerish feeling of a crush. The feeling where your pusher is fluttery and you can’t help but smile and wonder if they’re thinking about you too. But being around them brings a more mellow feeling. I’m not worried about making a mistake, I guess. Frankly I don’t WANT to lose them but I’m not terrified of it. They haven’t give me any reason to worry about that, though. 

I want to see them smile. An accomplished day for me is one where I’ve made Pictor smile in some way. Being with them brings all sorts of ideas for new songs. They’re a work of art within themselves and I could probably go on for a while about the things I like about them. I really enjoy talking to them.