#ghhghh

which kinda sounds vague n stupid but theres context: i worked 8 hrs today n i hadn’t eaten anythin nor had anythin 2 drink. it was very bad. i forget to eat a lot and it’s a problem..

but the point is i was like, oh i can do this so it’s fine-

n then i thought abt it n i was like oh most ppl prolly woulda tapped out -- most ppl woulda eaten breakfast too but that’s not the point -- most ppl prolly woulda gone fr lunch or brought a snack or done Something to alert the ppl around them that they weren’t okay.

n here i am telling myself that bc i can do it, it’s fine n not a problem n ill just eat later n survive this n get thru this etc,

i’m not supposed to b surviving life. that was the old way, n the old rules. but i’m supposed to b resting when i need to and eating when i need to and it’s a lot to process that i just seem to have forgotten how to do that.

n then i was thinking abt how my therapist (and most of the therapists ive seen if not all of them) seem to take an approach to therapy that’s basically ‘you’re a survivor, you got thru that terrible thing and you’re still kicking, look how strong you are,’ and wow that just-- Does not actually help me at all, and it’s bc of the mindset that if i’m strong then i’m fine and that whatever happened wasn’t all that bad actually.