Coward
"Why did everything go to shit? Why did everyone that I know and love have to die in front of me? Why did I have to end the lives of so many people?"
These are just some of the questions that Alex is faced with every day, and no matter what, he can never find the answer to them. Before the outbreak, Alex couldn't have asked for a better life. Now sure, his upbringing was Hell, but he wouldn't have changed anything because it made him the man that he became. It was rare that someone would come across Alex's path and not love him for who he was. You could never find someone as genuine and loyal as him. It didn't matter who you were, what you did, who you knew or didn't know, Alex treated you like you were his family and if you needed the shirt off his back, he would give it to you. Hell, he did it plenty of times in the past. However, getting Alex to open up about anything to do with his past or his trauma felt like something that no one would have ever been able to accomplish. But someone did. Caleb did.
Caleb was Alex's whole life.
Was.
Not only did the outbreak take away his home, his life, his amazing job, it took away his soul, the other half of his heart, the reason to keep going every day.
When Caleb turned, Alex turned..into someone almost completely different. His pure heart is still there, the caring nature, making sure everyone comes first before him, he could survive on nothing if he had to. And he would never want anyone else to do that. But he was broken, anyone who knew him (that was still alive) would be able to see that there was something missing from him. Someone. But living in this world now, nothing was certain, staying alive definitely wasn't. And for Alex, that was terrifying.
Before arriving at Ventura County, Alex thought about just staying at 'home', letting the hoard there overrun him and take him too. But Caleb, Caleb would never want that for him and he couldn't break that promise to the man he loved. Not since he already broke one. One that he would never forgive himself for. One that haunts his dreams every night. The words that he hears every day.
"No matter what happens Alex, please do not let me turn. Don't let me become one of them."
A promise. Broken.
Caleb was bit. Caleb was dying. And as Alex stood over him, watching the color draining from the other man's face, he held the gun to his head. Shaking. Tears streaming down his cheeks. Feeling Caleb's pulse fading Alex knew what he had to do. He knew he had to kill him. He couldn't let him turn.
But.
The gun. Aimed at Caleb. The thought of his blood on the walls, the floor, on him. He just..he couldn't.
"I'm sorry Caleb. I'm so sorry.."
"I love you."
The gun falls, hitting the cement floor.
"I-I can't.."
With a final kiss to Caleb's head, Alex grabs his bag, turns, and walks away from Caleb. From his home. From his soulmate.
"..coward.."
