Jul 19
-> start laughing
-> realizing i’ll never escape in life or death
-> crying
-> realizing i’m not supposed to cry
-> looking up at mother mistress nurse matron and sees she’s shushing me
-> my new direction is to shut up but i can’t stop crying so i’ll have to redirect my sobs to shushing myself
-> self-soothe it’s okay okay just shush
-> it’s all becoming too much and mother mistress nurse matron might hit me again so let me enter a brace position that also shuts the noise out
-> i don’t notice her leave until she’s already gone.
