I bring my crew with me wherever I go. I've recently started carrying this picture of my mom around, and keeping it near my altar. When you have a difficult relationship with your mother, it's daily work. My mother is still alive + physically well. Sometimes, I don't feel like I have a mother and there were times in my childhood when I felt the same. Growing up, I was very very conflicted. On one hand, I have this beautiful charming mommy who's smile lights up a whole room, who can cook ANYTHING, who put me in one of the best art programs before I was even in high school. On the other hand, I had the emotionally absent mother. The physically absent mother. The mother who's love for me manifested as strict discipline, no nonsense, and certainly no time to complain. I made a choice to continue this work, because healing myself is important. I want to accept responsibility for my life and I am accepting responsibility for my life. This involves unpacking all of the baggage. Processing the baggage. Growing through the pain. My mother and I love each other so deeply. There have been times when I hated how she treated me, how she spoke to me.. but I never could bring myself to hate my own mother. It was such a burden, To be grateful and to be resentful in the same breath. My crew comes with me wherever I go. Even though my mother and I are no longer speaking (for the time being) I speak to her everyday. She lives in my heart. She lives in my work. My mother lives in everything I do. Her influence has shaped me into the woman I am, even if the process was challenging. My mother is a libra sun and she blessed me with the wisdom to be diplomatic and tactful, even when my ego wants to fight. She blessed me with artistic talent, and a love for culinary art. She blessed me with multiple languages, diversity, so much beauty. She caused me some pain, she did the best that she could with what she was given and I still will run down on any bitch who comes for my mother. She's my mother. She is me, she is my DIVINE FEMININE and I am giving thanks to the ancestors for helping my family heal our karma. Asรฉ #phoenixrising #healingmomwounds #cancerseasonโ๏ธ
