An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
"What gave you this idea?" said Jason.
"It was filtered through both conclave and computer, with Elena's ultimate approval, as you're both so important. The process was accelerated by observing you in the wild. You've already been whittling away at each other… breaking each other down in crucial places while honing each other in others. All this has been filtered through circumstances, partially set in motion by yourselves…. It's like watching heavenly bodies dance. You're both so good at what you do… in different but complementary ways… just imagine what you will become when we put on the finishing touches! When the final catalyst transforms you—it'll almost be like binary stars orbiting each other."
"We are not that similar."
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Daric sure loves his metaphors and similes. I do not plan what he says ahead of time, he just goes on with these speeches-- coming from his delight in his job, which fits his essence, and his belief in the glorious purpose
A secret agent has to compartmentalize, and they often have a persona they immerse in. In this way, they are probably the closest to someone with Severed consciousness.
Jason gathers his agent self as protection from trauma. an outer shell protecting him from his previous self that was too vulnerable. Similar to how someone severs their consciousness as a shield to a part of themselves. It's his inner self he keeps protected and "severs" it from the part that is capable of coping as much as possible with everything he is faced with. Partly due to a traumatic event that makes him realize he has to take drastic steps to survive.
He touched the lapel of the black shirt, adoring the way it clung to him, like an abstract hug.
because that's what they are! hugs from Ali! the one thing he can give him. gives freely with no thought of anything in return-- a precious gem in this place. not that he doesn't have a LOT of shirts... even he may run out eventually...
It makes sense that Jason did have to do more... unsavory parts of being an agent. Sometimes he was ordered to do things he didn't agree with. Sometimes it included seducing an enemy. Thankfully his superiors weren't the ones to demand more of him than a few dates, and act well enough to not be suspected-- act enamored, etc... get the client under his spell (often not hard to do...) which means a few touches, kisses... to demand more of him would mean him perhaps rebelling against such assignments.
He never did like them. He could enjoy things in the moment to a certain extent... but it was unsettling. He could breeze past them, not think about them, pretend they never happened as he went on to another mission... but they still lingered there, shadows in the past, and when he thought of them they felt... wrong, on different levels. to lie was one thing.... but to draw on someone's feelings like that...even if they're an enemy-- to work under false pretenses, thus an area where consent gets murky, as well as his inner moral code-- not the sort of thing he likes to do or that could ever sit well with him. but he did it because it was required and he was good at it. but he was glad it turned out to be a very infrequent occurrence.
in addition to him not liking to manipulate people, which also doesn't come naturally to him (though he could learn it well enough), he didn't like it for himself-- any relationship can't be based on false pretenses. they weren't even relationships, but the appearance of them-- twisting something that should be something far different--disturbed him. gets to part of him that wants depth and total honesty in relationships. Though casual in a lot of things, to him love had to be real. the one constant among all the shifting shadows of his life.
this was a job, nothing more. He had done such things as an agent… it hadn't gone far, hadn't meant anything… To make sure to succeed against this great enemy, he had to dip into his repertoire of underhanded tactics, including the ones he cared for the least.
Feelings took a back burner in the agent business.
That's how he had to look at this— the stakes could hardly be higher.
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You know you're inside a human trafficking org when...
the guy who values consent is the odd one out
"I appreciate all aesthetics."
"Same here. Of course, I'm not averse to both…."
"You do have your odd hangup, though."
He shrugged, then winced. "I can't help the way I'm made. I need someone who loves me—and that has to be someone who chooses me. Free will, you know."
Lila shook her head. "I'll never understand it. Why not take what you want?"
"Well, for one thing, sex is better when the person loves you."
