#genderpost bot

this isn't 'you can choose to be trans' or 'being trans isn't real', this is 'what you need and are comfortable with may change over time. that's okay and it doesn't have to be permanent or consistent or always and forever for you to deserve respect' and I think internalizing and getting trans and cis people alike to understand this is important for all of us

insisting on a “true identity” experience for everyone is like insisting that everyone has a “true favorite color” they’ve had all along, when in reality someone doesnt actually have to ‘deep down’ loved red their entire life for them to have the right for people not to try and force them to dress only in yellow. some lgbt people have not ‘always been’ l, g, b, or t their entire life. some people have not been ace or aro or a man or a woman ‘deep down’ their entire life and despite that all that doesnt mean that something has to be innate from birth to be a) respected or b) empathized with as they are

and i know a lot of people interpret this idea as me presenting this as a choice, but i think that’s where the miscommunication happens, i did not chose my gender and while my interpretation of it has changed over time that doesn’t mean a) its not entitled to respect b) it is possible for others to change it. just because some people may be lesbians when they are younger and then eventually be attracted to men, or may be bisexuals when younger and then gradually lose their attraction to men, doesn’t mean that you can make them change their attractions, or that they have to never identify with any label just in case their interaction with relationships change over time. the fundamental goal of lgbt rights was never wholly “i am born with it and therefore you have to respect me,” its more accurate to say that its “this is how i understand and interpret my relationship to the world, and while it may be different than yours, please respect my knowledge of myself as what i know to be truth, rather than what you want for me instead.” because while many people ARE born gay or trans, for some of us we are not and for some of us we don’t know but respect of self understanding is a human right nonetheless.

i know i talk about this a lot but genuinely conversations around detrans people can be scary for a lot of trans people! it can be scary seeing someone who might have felt the same way you do now, but has since changed. it might be scary facing uncertainty or the idea that someone might be wrong about their gender, and i felt that way and still feel that way too! however, the biggest thing that changed was actually TALKING to detrans people, and i found that actually? really and honestly? being wrong about your gender isnt the end of the world. being wrong about transitioning isnt the end of the world, it only seems like that because you dont know what that feels like or looks like, but once you get an idea....everything feels more free. the fear comes from not knowing and if you fill that gap with knowledge and understanding, it gives you so much more permission to exist as you are with the knowledge that you’re allowed to exist in whatever way that might manifest, even IF that changes down the road, because you know that there does continue to be road, even if its not the one you were expecting.

defining yourself by traits that other people who are not like you experience and going 'well now I don't know what I am because they do this too! theyre not allowed to do this because this confuses me' is part of the problem. if you feel that binding is soley what makes you trans, this is one thing, but determining your gender by pointing to something like binding is the equivalent of saying that if you like to wear makeup this means you're a woman.