#genderisconfusing

ish and I have freaked out and had disphoria again but like intense again, and in a different way. To be gender nonconforming and trans identifying is so much more than taking hormones and having your quality of life improve. That was the story I saw played out on youtube again and again - take hormones, shake depression, become confident, love your self, look like the person you’ve always wanted to be. But I don’t know who that person is or what they look like, or how they fit into the body I occupy.

Hormones have been amazing, but have also been harmful, confusing, and disphoric. I can’t turn back and have everything revert. I cannot keep going and have more of everything that was the last 8 months.

And then I’m like WHAT DOES THIS MAKE ME... que revelations of internalized misogyny, and realizing how violent the patriarchy is within my own body/brain.