#gender non-binary

She/her: 3/10 please no

He/Him: 4/10 feels weird

They/them: 1000/10 my brain does a happy dance

Ze/zir/zim: 8/10 these are alright

Any neopronouns 8/10: sure

Sweetheart: 9/10 if we’re close

Baby, babe, : 10/10 if we’re in a relationship

Dude 9/10: go for it

Bro: 9/10 cool

Girl: -12/10 no

Boy: -12/10 incorrect

Man/women: 5/10 it’s alright ig

Enby: 300/10 please give me validation

Ma’m: 8/10 it’s fine

Sir: 10/10 makes me feel like a top

Daddy: 100/10 please call me daddy

Mommy: 0/10 no just no

Baby girl: 4-8/10 really depends on my mood

Prince: 3000/10 please call me your prince 🥺

Princess: 3000/10 I like this one too 🥺

King: 2000/10 yes yes please

Queen: 9/10 This is good too

Girlfriend: 7/10 just a little uncomfortable but it’s fine

Boyfriend: 8/10 this is a little better

Partner/SO/Spouse: 10/10 👍

Stereotypically feminine compliments such as beautiful, pretty, or gorgeous: 100/10 I like compliments

Stereotypically masculine compliments such as handsome: 100/10 I like these too

Sexuality labels:

Lesbian: 6/10 feels like the term implies I’m a women (that’s not to say that they/them lesbians aren’t valid, but personally it causes me dysphoria)

Heterosexual/straight: 0/10 that’s just not true

Gay: 10/10 accurate

Bisexual/pansexual/any other multi sexual label: 8/10 it’s good but I’m not sure if it’s accurate bc my attraction to Kent fluctuates

Sapphic:10/10 I just really like the word

Trixic/nblw: 10000/10 makes me feel super validated+ it’s broad and only specifies that I am attracted to women

if you grew up dancing at $2 house parties in the 1990s on the east coast, then you might have instantly recognized the refrain “there’s some whores in this house” that starts off hip-hop queens cardi b and megan thee stallion’s summer juggernaut hit “WAP.”

released in 1992 by radio personality, dj and baltimore house music pioneering producer frank rodriguez frank ski, “whores in this house” was a club staple in baltimore, new jersey, new york, philadelphia and washington, dc.

by 1994, the baltimore club sound, which is a mixture of hip-house, breakbeats, samples, quick edits and dj call and response, rose to prominence. one of the breakout stars was a 6 foot, 350 pound Black drag queen who had the entire city dancing his beat.

anthony boston aka miss tony was one of baltimore’s most influential club personalities. in addition to being a fixture of the baltimore club scene as a voguing and charismatic master of ceremonies, he was a co-host of the big fat morning show on baltimore’s hip-hop and r&b station 92Q WERQ-FM.

miss tony linked up with frank ski in 1991 and their collaboration resulted in the 1992 bitch house track, “tony’s bitch track.” the song was a hit locally and in new york city queer clubs. throughout his recording career, miss tony (later big tony) released some of the genre’s most enduring songs including “pull ya gunz out,” “how you wanna carry it” and “living in the alley.” the latter helped set the blueprint for the more melancholy and emotionally vulnerable baltimore club sound, notably highlighted in the now iconic “dance my pain away” by rod lee.

in 1999, anthony boston retired “miss tony” changing his stage name to simply “big tony,” after becoming a born again christian. some of his longtime followers questioned his decision and his alliance to the queer community. in an interview with the baltimore sun in 1999, tony said, “i’m not saying the gay community is bad. those are the people who love and remember me.”

Mx. is the gender-freedom honorific

Mx. is pronounced “mix”. Mx. Smith = “Mix Smith”.

Ms. respects someone without making it about their marital status. Mx. does the same for gender.

Agenderflux

Alternate flag for Agenderflux.

A gender in which an individual may identify as if they feel no particular connection with any gender/identify, or Agender, as well as fluctuating between having masculine and/or feminine gender identity.

One of my cousins by marriage recently came out to our family as gender non-binary and said that from now on they wanted to be addressed by their middle name and not by their birth name, please use them/they pronouns from now on. My instant reaction was “Of course. Why would I not? You’re family, we love you, it’s a non-issue, and if we make a mistake please correct us. Thanks.”

This has been a harder pill to swallow for some of the older members of their family. Their dad was totally cool about it, but I’m not so sure their dad’s dad or his sister (my wife’s mother) are cool about it. My mother-in-law called my wife last night asking a whole bunch of questions that quite frankly I’d consider to be RUDE if I was them.

Mom: “How can you just change gender?” 

Mrs.: “Mom, she didn’t change gender. She’s gender non-binary.”

Mom: “I don’t even understand. Why do we have to use new pronouns now?”

Mrs.: “It’s about respect. If you love them you should respect their decision.”

I’m purposefully not using names here to put people on blast, but I’m posting this as a reminder to everyone that if you’re an ally you should SAY IT OUT LOUD not just for the people you support but for the people who don’t understand RESPECT. When you voice your support, you create an environment where there is less hostility to people declaring who and what they are to their family, friends, and peers. Signal to everyone in sight that this is cool, this is good, and that you love them for being brave, proud and strong. Don’t let anyone ever feel they are suddenly on the outside looking in to a room where they previously felt at home without question.