@gemjam: For the writing meme from You Donāt Remember Me:
It doesnāt make any sense. Fernando stares down at the thin device he has figured is a phone (his hands somehow knowing how to function the thing even though his head seems foggy and confused by it) in disbelief. The first time was a coincidence, the second time maybe unlucky, but a third? No. That wasnāt right. The calls were being rejected, the ring time getting shorter. But why? Fernando canāt understand. Something must have happened. No. No. Fernando shakes his head a little. Why canāt he remember! The irritation floods through him and he hurtles the phone across the room. It smacks the wall and emits a cracking sound. Fernando doesnāt care. He hugs his knees and rocks slightly. Nothing is making sense. He canāt remember anything. He hates this no knowing. He feels disorientated. He feels sick again.
Mark opens the door softly and his eyes fall on Fernandoās phone lying face down on the floor. He frowns at it before crouching to pick it up and turns it over. The front screen is smashed. A crack running from top to bottom as one side is broken into a million pieces. Mark looks up to Fernando to ask what happened but finds he doesnāt have to. Placing the broken phone on the bedside table, Mark sits next to Fernando and wraps his arms around him.
And something hits Fernando again. A flash of an image before his eyes. The room is lighter, a room he doesnāt recognise. But Mark and he are sitting on a bed in this image. A much more comfortable one than the hospital one. And the thin black phone is discarded at the end of his bed. Markās arms are wrapped around him, his wedding ring shining in the sunlight. And Fernando feels heart-breakingly sad. And itās overwhelming him. And he cannot deal with it. Itās all too much.
With a blink of an eye the sadness is gone, the vision of the strange bedroom has vanished. Markās arms feel foreign but comforting around him, but he still pushes out of the hold. The confusion seeps back in and he just canāt understand. He canāt understand the sudden vision that has pulled so far away heās not even sure it was real and he canāt understand the rejection of his calls. It doesnāt make sense. Why would she not want to hear from him? Mark sinks back down in the plastic, white chair next to the bed and watches Fernando settle himself back down under the sheets. Fernando stares up at the ceiling. Mark notes his bag has been packed away and placed by the side of the bed, where Markās feet now rest. He leans forwards to Fernando, touching his arm gently. Fernando looks his way.
At this early stage in the fic it was important to show Fernandoās disorientation and try and get that through to the reader: to make them feel just as disorientated. Itās difficult to put yourself in the position of someone who has forgotten everything from the last ten years, so I approached it more on the way ofĀ āI will make the reader feel as confused andĀ lost as Fernando isā. It was difficult for me personally to get there because I knew everything Fernando had forgotten.Ā
Fernandoās reaction - in throwing his phone across the room - is how I think I would react in that situation. He was trying to call his sister (which isnāt known implicitly at this point) someone who he has always been able to rely on and sheās rejecting him. No one is explaining and heās completely confused. I think the natural reaction from anyone would be one of frustration, hence why Fernando throws his phone.Ā
One of the hardest things I found with this fic was the changing between Mark and Fernando. In the inspiration book, itās told from one point of view. However, the way I approached it would have been very confusing to do just from Fernandoās point of view and Mark became the character who dropped the hints and clues about the memories Fernando had forgotten. It got harder as I got further through the fic, but at this point Mark is just trying to be supportive.
But when he sees Fernando so small and confused and hurt he canāt help but rush to his side. Heās been trying to be so careful, knowing the complexity of their situation and the fact that Fernando has forgotten ten years but he sees the man he loves unconditionally hurting and he cannot help but rush to comfort him. Itās an impulse, an instinct heās engrained into himself over the three/four years theyāve been together.Ā
The flash of the memory here is to show the parallels of the situation. Itās happened before: his sister has rejected his calls and heās been sad and hurt about it. It was Mark before who comforted him and it is Mark again. In that flash of memory Fernando feels content, like something fits, like he can relax into that feeling and thatā s Ok because itās happened before.Ā
And then heās back in the present where having feelings like that for Mark donāt make sense in his head. As much as he wants to hold onto the feeling he has to push away because confusion will engulf that too if he doesnāt. Itās reluctant but he knows he needs to start working things out before adding more confusion on top of what he already has.Ā
So he focuses on Lorena and why sheās not calling. Because that is the most immediate thing that has confused him that he needs sorting out. If he canāt rely on his sister to come to his aid then who can he rely on? He needs to fix whatever that is first so he can start trying to put the rest of what heās forgotten into place. And Mark knows that so he gives him the space. But still, having seen the man he loves hurting he canāt just let him go. The light touch on his arm towards the end is supportive, is trying to sayĀ āyou can trust me, you can rely on meā and in that moment where Fernando is so confused itās something he needs to see.Ā