#gemini talks

no literally if you come home and find him waiting patiently in bed with his collar wrapped around his neck, you’re just silently walking over to him after putting your work bag down, running your hands through his hair and leaving kisses all over his face as you scratch his scalp and behind his ear. talking to him so sweetly and apologetic for being so caught up with work that day and could barely text him, giving him all the attention he needs for the rest of the day

I started my hiatus when work was putting so many hours on my schedule I couldn't stream at all. It made my spinal issues flare up so bad that I started needing a cane to stand after a while. Following rude comments from my boss about my disability being weight related, I quit my job and decided to continue to take time off to recover. Then the identity crisis started.. I got heavily into derealization to escape my spinal pain and grief over being unemployed. I would spend hours laying in bed, looking at images and listening to music that triggered my dissociation and derealization as well as smoking a metric ton of weed to speed up the process. I enjoyed the light floaty feeling I got from this escape, and it kept me from thinking about the issues I was really facing. One of them being my sense of self. I got a little silly and started fancying myself a clown, and so I made my clownsona and started to prepare to come back to streaming, taking a break from my escapism, which would cause my crisis to return again. I backpaddled on being a clowntuber, realizing it wasn't the answer to my issue, and truthfully, my issue was with my identity pertaining to gender. I came out as trans, and I thought things would get better, but I wasn't finished yet. I made yet ANOTHER Vtuber persona, now trying to fit with my identity, but I scrapped that too, feeling lost again. I just want to come back to streaming, but even though I know my gender now, I still don't know myself That's until I got back into Durarara This fandom has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I used to roll my eyes when people said vtubers aren't a community, but that was until I saw what community REALLY looked like. Allowing myself to love a piece of media completely alongside creating budding friendships allowed me to start learning about who I really am on a deeper level. Not all of it pretty, but all of it me. Rewatching Durarara itself helped with that too. It's still an ongoing process, I still don't have a new persona. I'm currently using a free avatar as a placeholder until I figure myself out. But I know for sure where I'm going to start. So why haven't you seen me on Twitter? Well, my Vtuber account got banned for no reason, but I assume it was my very loud support of Palestine and sharing phrases that many websites are banning as calls to violence when they are not. All my work I had put in to building a community was gone just like that. It's been a hard thing to grasp. I will have to rebrand again since I can't sign up again with the same name but I really don't want to, but that's life. So now I'm just doing fandom stuff and going to my new job until I get the stomach to start streaming again. So yeah! If you don't like Durarara and my posts are no longer interesting to you, you can feel free to unfollow me. I understand! Wherever I go with Vtubing is going to reflect my interest in this fandom, because I am head over heels in love with it, and Shizaya. So yeah! I'll continue to do my thing! Human love! -Gemini

And as an artist I can really relate to that in a level I didn’t even know.

I don’t know where or how some of the people in this fandom get tripped up on that.

Bunny pjs 🐰🩷

Still obsessing with my Sabrina Carpenter concert outfit from last week. Thought you should too. 🤍