#gas-lighting

Imagine a person who always seems perfect. Their clothes are impeccable, their words are smooth, and their life seems enviable. This is the gloss. It’s a carefully curated facade designed to draw you in. But beneath this surface lies a different reality.

Narcissists use gloss to gaslight. They twist reality, making you doubt your own perceptions. For example, they might lavish you with compliments, only to later criticize you harshly. When you confront them, they’ll deny it ever happened or claim you misunderstood. This is classic gaslighting. It’s confusing and disorienting, leaving you questioning your own sanity.

Another tactic is the grand story. Narcissists love to tell tales of their greatness. They’ll recount their achievements, often embellishing the truth. They want you to see them as superior, as someone to admire. But these stories are often just that—stories. They’re part of the gloss, a way to keep you focused on their supposed brilliance.

To identify a narcissist, look beyond the gloss. Pay attention to inconsistencies in their stories. Notice how they react when challenged. A narcissist will often become defensive or dismissive. They can’t stand being questioned because it threatens their carefully constructed image.

Watch for patterns of behavior. Do they frequently shift blame onto others? Do they lack genuine empathy? These are red flags. A narcissist’s gloss is only skin deep. Their true nature reveals itself over time.

and if they call you that, well thats gas-lighting, and you're still not.. having a sense of self really serves as a protective factor from ppl's gas-lit interpretations of you and it's so important. it's also possible that the person gas-lighting you may struggle with envy and r projecting. I'm sorry this is happening to you

“how many men’s rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, they still use gaslighting”

-  @suzangst

“Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

The term owes its origin to the 1938 play Gas Light and its film adaptations. The term has been used in clinical and research literature”

Source

MORE INFO:

What is gaslighting? Gaslighting 101

10 Things I’ve Learned About Gaslighting As An Abuse Tactic

You may not realize it yet, but soon you will. I have a way of making people see the world through my eyes, and trust me, it’s a beautiful view. When I walk into a room, the energy shifts. People are drawn to me like moths to a flame, and who can blame them? My charm is irresistible.

I have mastered the art of conversation. I know exactly what to say to make you feel special, as if you’re the only person in the room. I listen intently, nodding at all the right moments, making you believe I truly care about your mundane stories. But let’s be honest, the real story here is me.

When I meet someone new, I quickly assess what makes them tick. It’s a skill, really. I can sense your insecurities, your desires, and I use them to my advantage. I might compliment you on something you’re self-conscious about, making you feel seen and appreciated. You’ll think, “Finally, someone who understands me.” But the truth is, I’m just setting the stage for my own benefit.

I am a master of the humblebrag. I’ll casually mention my latest achievement, making it seem like no big deal, while watching your eyes widen in admiration. You’ll want to be associated with someone as successful as me. And why wouldn’t you? I am the epitome of excellence.

Sometimes, I’ll throw in a little vulnerability. I’ll share a story of a past struggle, something that makes me seem relatable. You’ll feel a connection, thinking you’ve found a kindred spirit. But remember, every word is carefully chosen to keep you hooked.

I know how to make you feel indebted to me. I’ll do you a small favor, something you didn’t even ask for, and then subtly remind you of it later. You’ll feel obligated to return the gesture, and just like that, I’ve got you wrapped around my finger.

In the end, you’ll walk away from our interaction feeling uplifted, inspired, and maybe a little in awe. You’ll tell your friends about the incredible person you met, not realizing that I’ve already moved on to the next admirer. Because while you were busy being captivated by me, I was simply enjoying the reflection of my own brilliance in your eyes.

One effective method is to observe how they react to criticism. Narcissists typically have a fragile ego and may respond with defensiveness or aggression when faced with even mild critique. Pay attention to their body language and tone during such interactions. A narcissist might also attempt to shift blame or dismiss the feedback entirely, showcasing their inability to accept fault.

Monkeys in the Trees

TL;DR: Narcissists often use “flying monkeys” and triangulation to control narratives and manipulate others. Recognizing these tactics can help you protect yourself and reclaim your narrative.

Ever felt like you’re caught in a web spun by someone else? Like you’re just a pawn in a game you didn’t even know you were playing? That’s the insidious nature of narcissistic manipulation. It’s a tale as old as time, and yet, it feels fresh and raw every time it happens.

Picture this: you’re in a forest, surrounded by trees. High above, monkeys swing from branch to branch, chattering away. Some of them are just minding their own business, but others? They’re the ones you need to watch out for. These are the “flying monkeys” of the narcissist’s world. They’re the enablers, the ones who do the narcissist’s bidding, often without even realizing it. They spread rumors, sow discord, and keep the narcissist’s narrative alive and well.

Then there’s triangulation. It’s like a twisted game of telephone, where the narcissist pits people against each other, creating confusion and chaos. They might tell you one thing, then tell someone else something entirely different. Before you know it, you’re questioning your own reality, wondering if you’re the one who’s lost the plot.

But here’s the thing: you’re not alone. Many have walked this path, feeling the sting of betrayal and the weight of doubt. It’s not just you. And it’s not your fault.

So, what can you do? How do you break free from the tangled branches and the chattering monkeys?

Recognize the Patterns: The first step is awareness. Once you see the patterns, they become easier to spot. Notice how the narcissist uses others to do their dirty work. Pay attention to the stories that don’t quite add up.

Set Boundaries: This is crucial. Decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not. Communicate these boundaries clearly and stick to them. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s necessary for your peace of mind.

Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust. Whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or a support group, having someone to validate your experiences can be incredibly healing. You’re not crazy, and you’re not alone.

Reclaim Your Narrative: Remember, you have the power to tell your own story. Don’t let the narcissist or their flying monkeys dictate your reality. Stand firm in your truth.

Practice Self-Care: It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Whether it’s a walk in nature, a good book, or a long bath, find what soothes your soul and make time for it.

In the end, it’s about reclaiming your power and finding your voice amidst the noise. It’s about recognizing that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. And it’s about knowing that you have the strength to rise above the chaos.

The Thin Line Between Genuine Appreciation and Manipulative Flattery

TL;DR: Genuine appreciation uplifts and empowers, while manipulative flattery seeks control. Recognize the difference to protect your well-being.

Ever been showered with compliments that felt a little… off? You’re not alone. In a world where words can be as powerful as actions, distinguishing between genuine appreciation and superficial flattery is crucial. Genuine appreciation is like a warm hug; it feels sincere and leaves you feeling valued. On the other hand, manipulative flattery is nugatory—empty and ultimately worthless—designed to control rather than uplift.

Genuine appreciation comes from a place of authenticity. It’s specific, heartfelt, and often unexpected. When someone genuinely appreciates you, they notice the little things, like your knack for solving problems or your infectious enthusiasm. These compliments are rooted in truth and aim to uplift, not to gain something in return. They empower you, boosting your confidence and reinforcing your self-worth. In contrast, manipulative flattery is often vague and over-the-top. It’s a tool used by those who seek to control or manipulate, often seen in narcissistic behavior. These individuals might shower you with praise, but there’s always a catch. Their compliments are a means to an end, a way to keep you in their orbit and under their influence.

If you find yourself questioning the sincerity of someone’s compliments, it’s essential to trust your instincts. Here are a few tips to help you navigate these murky waters:

Listen to Your Gut: If a compliment feels insincere, it probably is. Trust your intuition.

Look for Patterns: Genuine appreciation is consistent and doesn’t come with strings attached. Manipulative flattery often follows a pattern of praise followed by demands.

Seek Specificity: Genuine compliments are specific and detailed. Vague flattery is a red flag.

Evaluate Intentions: Consider what the person might gain from their praise. Are they trying to manipulate you?

For those who’ve been gaslit or manipulated, know that your experiences are valid. It’s not easy to break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse, but recognizing the signs is the first step. Surround yourself with people who genuinely appreciate you for who you are, not what you can do for them. Remember, you deserve to be valued and respected.