#garvies

“You have a girl waiting for you Ray?”

The conversation had been started as a way to both get to know him and distract him at the same time. He didn't know if Pete actually cared about the answer or not, but he did.

“I HAD a girl…Do you have a girl Pete?”

Pete made long eye contact for a moment before he smiled, some secret meaning behind his expression as he said “no, Ray, I don't.” He continued to smile while holding eye contact and by God, Ray couldn't help the understanding smile that bloomed in answer. No words of acknowledgement were needed, just that shared smile and singular moment of quiet acceptance before Ray felt himself slowing his pace ever so slightly to fall back and watch as Pete sped up to walk next to Baker. Ray couldn't help but focus his gaze on Pete's strong back, the way the sunlight hit him just-so, haloing him in a pleasant glow that made his features stand out handsomely as he turned his head to talk with Baker. 

“You dreaming ‘bout your boyfriend's dick in your mouth, Garraty?” Fucking Barkovitch. The loud-mouthed son of a bitch had opened his big mouth and interrupted the peaceful, pleasant thoughts that had run through his head. Scowling he turned back briefly to address him with a simple “fuck you Barkovitch” and then resolutely went back to ignoring him, not wanting to be riled up and end up like poor Rank all those miles back. He heard the resounding scoff from Barkovitch along with the hawking and sound of spit hitting the hot tarmac before he shuffled off to, presumably, bother some other poor soul.

A momentary flash of shame passed through him before he forced it to the back of his mind and reminded himself that nobody knew what he'd been thinking. What he had always thought throughout his youth and routinely pushed down and hidden with a growing sense of dread and denial. And nobody will ever know, that horrid self-criticising voice wriggled its way to the front of his mind once again to rub salt into the wound. Regardless of Barkovitch's words, it truly didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. The Long Walk would most likely kill him, would most definitely kill all of them except the one lucky winner. He hoped it wasn't Barkovich. Anyone else he could tolerate, but a sickening vision of himself and Barkovich being the final walkers left standing came to mind. The idea that he would have to watch, collapsed on the road in agony, as Barkovich was hailed as the winner while all he got was a bullet in the head. Shuddering, he shook those unpleasant thoughts from his head.

Queer, not queeer, that didn't seem to matter now that they were all busy dying.

That reality seemed to be sinking in now. The longer the walk went on, the more he found himself thinking of death, coming to the realisation that people had died and would continue to die. He knew when he signed up that he might not make it all the way, that he might not get his wish but he was prepared to take that risk. What he hadn't counted on was making friends, of getting to know the other sad, indoctrinated souls who had bought into the idea of The Long Walk and readily signed themselves up in the name of patriotic honour and the slim chance of bettering their situation in life.

He certainly hadn't counted on Pete Mcvries. 

“Just keep dancing with me like this, Garraty, and I'll never tire. We'll scrape our shoes on the stars and hang upside down from the moon.” Pete's words from hours previous echoed in his mind now, the poetic beauty of them pulling at some previously unknown heartstrings filling him with a sense of wonder, sadness before finally settling on contentment. Yes he was content with the knowledge that even though he and Pete would never make it out alive together, they had each other in the walk. Even though they had both agreed not to help each other, Ray somehow knew that was a crock of shit. They’d help each other right until the end, he just couldn’t imagine himself carrying on walking while his friend was begging for help. He wouldn't be able to live with himself, might even shoot himself after receiving his wish. Regardless, The Long Walk would forever ensure he and Pete were bonded together by their experiences here, two individuals entwined imperfectly together for eternity. If there was an afterlife, maybe they'd meet again there. Maybe they would even be happy together. 

The thoughts were becoming dangerously deluded and too close to suicidal for his liking so he took his canteen, cupped a handful of water and splashed his face before readjusting his sunhat and picking up his speed so he was once again in line with his group of musketeers. As he evened out his pace once more he stole a glance at Pete only to find him already staring with the same handsome smile he seemed only to reserve for him. He couldn't help but laugh giddily in response and lightly bump their shoulders together, receiving a laugh in return. It wasn't a perfect situation, not by a long shot, but for now Ray could be content in the fact that he'd met Pete and got to share in this moment together, for however long that would last.

Dividers by @dividers-are-us

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