#garrisonstarr

My girlfriend makes me watch "the secret." I get so irritated, but I humor her because what could it hurt? 

there is a woman in that movie who literally looks like sunshine. she has perfectly round hair that shoots out like sunbeams, and her smile takes up her whole face. she talks about telling the universe what you want and "letting it happen". i wanna reach through the TV and take her out at the knees she makes me so mad. with her giant smile and all the things she wants gifted from the universe. who are these people and what reality are they living in???? i did not grow up with this free flowing philosophy. it sounds like such a relief to me-don't get me wrong. i think that's why I'm skeptical. i grew up with the plan already laid out, see-predestination stuff. absolutes. and it certainly never mattered how i felt about any of it. manifestation would have been wasted energy in the religious equation of my youth.  

maybe what frustrates me about "the secret" is that they all seem so content and confident in their successes. they speak so easily and freely about it. "just do this and you can have what i have!!!". (i will admit that part of my problem is the story of the book of Job in the old testament. that book has scarred me for life.)

so this got me thinking about how i define success for myself. i have to be honest-what i came up with is totally depressing, so I'm gonna spare you the trip down that rabbit hole. instead what I'll say is i think I've been asking myself the wrong questions. following the call of your heart is hard. it can be terrifying, lonely and hopeless. it can also be the most exciting life ever. and maybe even achieving the life of your dreams, i.e. doing exactly what you want and love to do, is success. why does there have to be more? what is the "more" to be strived for? 

What continues to resonate with me is to keep working. I am an artist-that is who I am. I have been rejected as much as I have been praised and sought after since I've been making records. Actually, probably more rejected since I've become a true independent artist from an industry standpoint. I keep working toward the light that drives me. 

Speaking of successes and failures, I wanna mention the "Slow Crawl" video YouTube debacle that stripped us of almost 100,000 legitimate views. apparently, YouTube was using some of the marketing money they were being paid-legitimately-to promote videos, like mine, and in trying to cut some corners, they used a bot that raised a flag within their own system!!!! so a ton of artists got fucked, and they refuse to make it right or even have conversations with anybody about it. that's a corporation for you-behind the iron door. 

I bring it up not to put a bad vibe out there-i want y'all to know we did nothing wrong, and now we are determined to get all those views back for the video and more, without any help from YouTube. we are having a Jerry Maguire moment here, friends-"these fish have manners! These fish are coming with me. Who else is coming with me?". 

I am intensely proud of the record I made last year called "amateur." This is the best work I have done as an artist, and it's the first record out of 7 that I have released completely independent of a label or any other financial backer. Those of you who contributed financially to the pledge campaign know that it was and is completely fan funded. I'm still excited about the work we have done together, and I hope you will all continue to spread the word about this project you helped to create. When I say "you are my team," that's the God's honest truth. 

Here's to the process, and thanks for letting me share.