I keep seeing that image going round of one of the Dems attending the GOP speaker vote with a massive tin of Garrettās popcorn and I need people outside of Illinois to understand the dignity, the gravity, of bringing a tin of Garrettās popcorn in specific to watch people go down in flames.Ā
Garrettās is a Chicago-based delicacy and their shops blanket the tourist areas of Chicago but can also be found near transit stations, office buildings, and hospitals, because we love this shit. Itās made fresh daily (hourly, at the busy locations) and while the flavored kinds seal, pack, and ship pretty well, it truly is best when itās same-day fresh. Itās alsoĀ relatively expensive -- a tin like that, purchased in a shop, is around $20-$30, and sealed and shipped is closer to $50. It contains three -- ?Ā
NO.
IT CONTAINS
FOUR FLAVORS.
The three you see are an illusion. The three flavors you see are butter, cheddar, and caramel popcorn. But there is a secret fourth thing: the CHICAGO MIX.
This is the best use to which popcorn ever has or ever will be put. Garrettās Chicago Mix popcorn is like a summoning spell for Chicagoans. If you say youāve got Garrettās, theĀ āchicago mixā will be assumed, and people will literally come running. This has happened to me before.
The best way to obtain Chicago Mix is simply to buy it pre-mixed from Garrettās, but if you canāt, if you are faced with aĀ āthreeā flavored tin of popcorn, hereās what you do, and you have to trust me:
Take a scant half a handful of caramel popcorn and into that bad bitch scoop a scant half a handful of cheddar popcorn. Slam all of it into your mouth simultaneously and fucking enjoy. It is crunchy, sweet, salty, and slightly greasy, and with it you have unlocked the secret fourth popcorn flavor and also the key to a Chicagoanās heart. Accept no substitutions.Ā
