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I don't understand what i did wrong

Hey. id like to get your advice on what i’m going through. So i’m a cis white men. My brother also. We (my brother and I) were at a BBQ with friends and all. and there were other people we didn’t know (like a bunch of guys who knew eacht other from a online game, thus they met each other for the first time too). But i tried to socialize with everyone, at some point the group blend into our group and we all start talking to each other. The group of guy was already drunk af. But we didn’t mind. At some point we started teasing each other, like saying they were to drunk to even walk and shit like this. But nothing rude really. There was this guy who was a part of the other group who was shady ass hell, the entire time he tried to touches girls in sexual way, he told guys he would fuck their gf’s and shit like that. But everybody was tolerating it because they knew he was drunk. But he started really working on everyone’s nerves. At some point he started looking at girls in a very scary way, and really everyone got a bit uncomfortable. Then he turned to me and started to do some weird shit with his hands and i told him to back off and hold his hands to himself. He started threatening me. Like saying he would slap me and stuff. My family got in his way and told him to leave because he was going to far with this. The next morning my brother started to blame me, saying i provoked him, and that we (me and the other people present) provoked him into getting violant and that he would have let him slap the shit outta me because he was ashamed of my behaviour. I kinda feel lost

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Hi there love!

Judging from your story, I think that your brother has made some misunderstanding about the situation. You did nothing from the way explain the situation and if the person was doing something that you’re not comfortable with, then the most obvious answer would be to tell them to stop, which you did with a lot of maturity.

From your brother’s perspective, he may have seen the situation through different eyes, and you have a different view. In fact, all of this may be a misunderstanding between the two of you. The first plan of action is to confront him and genuinely ask him what he thought you did wrong. If misunderstood the situation, you have your answer, and you can tell him your story and point of view as well. If he clearly understood what happened at hand, ask him why he’s ashamed of you. There was nothing out of the ordinary about your behaviour and it certainly wasn’t shameful. In fact, I think you dealt with the situation calmly and very thoughtfully. You knew he was drunk, and you didn’t try to pull anything violent on him. In fact, if he was the one to start threatening you first, then he’s the one to be blamed despite his drunken state.

If your brother still thinks you’re at fault, think about it in his perspective. He may have thought that the individual was simply way too drunk and you took it too seriously, or maybe he was worried about your reputation, and even how others thought of you, or because it got too out of hand to the point where your family had to stop him. If he’s very proud, it may have also been the fact that the mood of the party ended abruptly and higher authority had to step in, like he couldn’t have handled it. Or simply the fact was that the BBQ was disrupted early and he was worried about what others (especially the new group who didn’t know you two as well) thought about you two and he was embarrassed. It could even simply be a cool or not type of thing.

The truth of the matter is, is you need to speak to him and listen to why he is “ashamed” of you. If you disagree with his notions, then explain to him why you felt you did nothing wrong, and if anything you were preventing things to get out of hand. If he hadn’t left the party, there’s no telling what could’ve happened if he was that drunk. You handled it extremely well. If you both have tension right now, I would wait it out a few days until he’s calmed to ask him about it. Until then, you have every right to feel proud and justified, because you handled just as well as anyone else could have.

Sorry about such a late response,