#gamble wolfe

Melbourne // 2 - present

“Gamble on me, and you're sure to win.”

Each of the other Melbourne women has a very obvious angle – Gina is arrogant, Pettifleur is haughty, Lydia is stupid. Gamble, on the other hand, is more a series of random outbursts and non-sequiturs which resist categorization. She has this crazy voice that’s 95% vocal fry and 5% raised inflection, like she’s always asking a question. She has a husband whose surname is Wolfe, whom she variously calls Wolfy and Wolf Pup, but it sounds like Woofy. Her life’s motto is to calorie count. She quotes Ron Burgundy. She’s a devout Darwinist. A woman of layers, our Gamble.

Politically, Gamble spent her entire first season as a Gina Liano minion, allegedly just because she was a Gina superfan from season one (weren’t we all?). When she wasn’t acting as Gina’s mouthpiece, she was beating back a dogged rumour circulated by Janet Roach that she was an escort who hosted sex parties. The rumour lasted all season and incorporated like five of Janet’s random acquaintances and reliably prodded Gamble into meltdown after meltdown so we all owe Janet and her huge, constantly flapping mouth a debt of thanks.

Gamble should also be propped up for her stellar sophomore season, the front half of which she basically carried on her own. Her wedding was hilarious and drove a million fun plotpoints – Gamble hurling Pettifleur's invitation into the bush and telling her to get fucked, Gina sneaking away from the festivities to have a Celebrity Apprentice viewing party – and Gamble herself was a delight. She's the rare Housewife with the charm to effortlessly carry a large amount of story without feeling overbearing.

I also rank Gamble highly because even though she acts like an idiot, I do think she’s deceptively clever, or at least very witty. “Unreliable Source Barbie” as a nickname for Janet is pretty inspired, and the way she carelessly hurls the Ron Burgundy book off camera suggests that she’s at least in on her own joke. Once we get into dottiness as a smokescreen for wit and Machiavellianism, that’s Janice Dickinson territory. That’s where I wanna spend my time.

In general, ideal mix of intentional comedy, unintentional comedy, cattiness, conflict-hungriness, quotability (“I'LL SUE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE FUCKING EARTH!”/“EEEEEEVEEEERYBOOODY IN MEEEELBOOOURNE!” *lasso swinging gesture* ) and genuine warmth. Every franchise should be lucky enough to have a Gamble.

Notable storyline: Being joined at the hip with Gina, even as Gina manipulated her and casually insulted her behind her back. This would be sad except people constantly brought it to Gamble’s attention and she’d just shrug it off and not care because she’d picked her side and it was too much work to shift allegiances.

Hottest rivalry: Janet Roach, enough that Gamble hilariously keeps a photo of Janet in her freezer as a superstitious ritual to keep her from selling stories to blogs.