#g.thoughts

However, it’s no secret that Jelena fights for you; she’ll make adjustments. If you’re not traveling with her, it’s likely you’re both moored at Pier Point while she goes about routine IPC business. When you’re bed-bound and struggling, she’ll come home as much as she can for lunch (bearing your favorite kind of takeout), or just pop in anytime there’s an intermittent gap in her schedule. 

If you are traveling with her and you’re lapsing into an episode on a faraway planet, well… that sucks. She’ll still check on you in whatever classy accommodations you’re sharing, remiss to leave your side. In the event of her being too busy to swing by in the middle of the workday, expect text messages from her showcasing the planet’s tourist attractions and beautiful must-sees. It’s rare they don’t eke a smile out of you, however small. Topaz promises many souvenirs and baubles suited to your tastes. Again, expect photos. She also uses this time to spam you about the planet’s history, hoping to coax you out to see the sights. It’s a surprisingly good motivator. 

If all else fails and it’s looking grim? She’ll leave Numby with you. Yeah, that’s the highest form of care, in her opinion. Think about it — now she has to be without two of her cutest companions. Oh well. They like you better than her anyways. The Warp Trotter will wedge their way into your arms and begin purring up a storm until you can fall asleep. They’re no Tuskpir, but they’re as domesticated and hungry for attention as a housecat. 

Despite her worries, Topaz is a woman who respects your independence. She doesn’t outright coddle you, trusting and expecting you to tell her if things worsen. Her type of concern is subtle, and she focuses more on helping through actions rather than trying to comfort you with sweet nothings. She knows she can give off the impression that she’s “all business” and that any verbal suggestions she gives to make things better could come off insensitive. She’s good at gauging when you need alone time without having to be told. She is satisfied with taking an implicit approach to caring for you.

However, this can be a double-edged sword if you’re the type of person who needs to be held and fretted over when you’re going through the worst of it. Jelena will do anything you ask of her, anything reasonable she can do to cheer you up, but since she herself finds that words can be hollow and unhelpful… there’s a tricky line to walk between asking what you need and outright overstepping. If you clearly communicate what you need from her as a partner, it minimizes the amount of guesswork. She appreciates it, too. However well you know one another, she’s not a mindreader. 

Jelena may be a bit rigid during the daytime, but she’ll drop all she can to wrap her arms around your middle and stroke your cheek until you calm down (if you ask for it, that is). Here’s a secret though: she’s more amenable to cuddling and skinship at night. There’s something about the warmth and safety of being stationed elsewhere with you that makes work feel… more like a vacation. Like how it’s supposed to. So if you need to be held when she gets in for the evening, you’re in luck. She’s softer, comforted by the fact she can be here and watch over you while you rest. Good luck getting her to leave your side.

She’s big on self-care. Topaz will make sure you’re eating and will brush your hair if you have the kind that gets tangled easily. It’s the least she can do, but often the little things are what you struggle with the most when you can’t get up or move much. She brings you anything you need. When she’s out, if she finds a new facial treatment or cosmetic product, she’ll buy it out of flustered panic and guilt and then hide it in a closet somewhere until you’re well enough to try it with her. 

Most of the aforementioned guilt arises in the form of half-baked, fleeting thoughts that go as quickly as they come. But beneath her put-together persona, Jelena really is worried. She’s worried she’s not caring for you enough — not doing enough — and neglecting you when you need her most. Again, these thoughts don’t last… but she’s only human. When your head’s in the right place, if you thank her for being there and doing her best, she’ll outwardly become flustered and hastily reject any gratitude. But inside? She’s relieved and reassured.

And most of all, she loves you.

FEIXIAO

It is not easy for Feixiao to see you like this. Your curled-up, defeated position reminds her of the countless enemies and allies she’s seen felled in the wake of the Lux Arrow’s relentless pursuit. Because she’s the Arbiter-General of the Yaoqing, she is saddled with all sorts of responsibilities that only serve to separate her from you. What differentiates her from most busy partners is her sworn commitment to keep you safe, healthy, and happy. She takes this commitment as seriously as she did her oath to keep the citizens of the Yaoqing free from fear. 

This means she’s willing to take much more time off from work to look after you. If it came down to it, she’d choose you over her political position in a heartbeat. If you were able to worm your way into her heart, you’re hers forever — mind, body, soul. When you’re going through an episode, lethargic and weak, she panics. Almost overwhelmingly so, Feixiao is affable and carefree, but she’s resolved to do anything to help you through this stint.

She tries a bit of everything, but her go-to method of assisting you is basically… waiting on you. Hand and foot. Meals brought to you in bed, moving your body herself if you can’t manage to on your own, a full-on pep rally in the doorway to encourage progress, the works. It depends on what you can handle and if you can stomach her zealous efforts. To pull laughs out of you, she’ll even recite cheesy poetry until her tongue falls off. Have a thing for her silky, fluffy ears? They’re yours to pet. She won’t even tease you. 

Feixiao is endlessly actionable — it’s just her nature. So if one thing doesn’t work, whether it be prescriptions from the best doctors, her cajoling you out for some manageable exercise, or even her storytelling… she’s always trying to find some new way to help you. Unconventional methods aren’t off the table, either. If holding you in her robust embrace won’t ward away this impenetrable haze, then she’ll look into getting you a Tuskpir for their passive benefits. However, she’d prefer to help you personally, managing to hold off on making any large decisions without your input. 

If you need to cry, she’s oddly silent. Despite blathering on to keep you (and herself) soothed, there comes a point where she knows it’s time to be quiet and let you make the next move. If you reach for her, she’ll reciprocate immediately. If you don’t, she’ll let you sob it out on your own, even if it hurts her to be idle. Even though you probably wouldn’t let her, she’d take your pain and make it her own in a heartbeat. But she can’t, and she isn’t used to facing that fact. But she’ll accept it because she has to; same for her Moon Rage affliction. 

If you’re getting the vibe that Feixiao is being overbearing in this scenario, it’s because she is. She’s thoroughly rattled by the reality of you being not alright. Her shortcomings include hovering and being so caught up in the how do I fix this mentality that she can sometimes forget to be silently supportive. I can see this being a point of friction if it’s left unaddressed. Saran has lost a lot in her efforts to lead and chase freedom by its tail; she cannot lose you too. Losing you will not be her first regret.

This overprotective tendency of hers rearing its head comes as a surprise, but it doesn’t mean you two can’t work it out or that you can’t have a loving, healthy relationship. There are hurdles to jump over, yes, but that goes for every long-term commitment. Feixiao’s love for you is deep-rooted, and she’s resolved to listen to any grievances you have, especially in your vulnerable state. If the burden of communication falls solely upon your already weary shoulders, that’s unfair — and she’ll make it up to you later once she realizes. But although she can be stubborn in some ways, she is receptive to your needs. Generals have to listen and adapt accordingly.

Although she’s reluctant to bring you anywhere near the battlefield or wherever violence runs amok, all of Feixiao’s subordinates know your name and how whipped she is for you. Don’t be surprised if any stray Verdant Knights come up to you out in public with gifts and food and well-wishes of health. They only know of your condition because it’s the only thing that gets their Arbiter-General away from duty. When she’s gone, it must be because you’re on the mend. If you’re looking better (you may be a little gawked at), it’s cause for celebration. And if your girlfriend is with you during these interactions, she’s protective of your privacy. And flustered, which is rare.

Overall, she just wants you better, however long it takes. It’s hard to find a more devoted partner than her.

QINGQUE

It’s no secret how much of a lazy genius Qingque is. Librarian and Diviner, sly little sparrow and expert procrastinator, the average consensus on her reads herein: slacker extraordinaire with no drive or ambition. This, however, is only half-true. When it comes to things she’s interested in, she can and will make a commitment to them. Even though she’s been yanked on a leash by her interests for years, you’ve become one of said interests. 

So when you fall into a depressive episode, she cares. Those in the Divination Commission know she’s in a relationship (because she likes to talk about you or Celestial Jade during work hours), but it becomes abundantly clear when she takes time off to see after your care until you’re back on your feet. Those around her joke in good faith that she must be happy to leave her jade abacus behind for a few days, but she isn’t smiling. There’s a determined set to her brow one usually sees during her most victorious games. 

As a partner, she’s very cavalier. This doesn’t change when you can’t get out of bed or deal with the weight of the world. Don’t mistake that for her being cruel; Qingque cares in her own way. Instead of trying to get you up and about, her approach to it all is letting you get it out of your system. 

Qingque rots in mattress purgatory with you, nesting by your side like a dutiful bird. She queues a lineup of obscure movies you’ve never seen before to keep you stimulated, likely illegally borrowed from some sordid cinephile dealer. She’ll also watch your movies if you’re in need of something comforting and familiar — just withhold your shock when she’s able to memorize the entire script by the end of the second viewing. She’ll quote philosophy and make it sound dreamy and interesting even though it was drilled into her head by countless tutors she’s since forgotten the names of. 

Even on a good day, she struggles with self-care in the face of… all the other shit she could be doing. Like tiles and napping. But when she starts easing you back into a healthy routine, it rubs off on her as well. Qingque maintains an open mind, and so when she’s caring for you, she inadvertently starts caring for herself. You usually give her reminders to drink water or brush her teeth when you aren’t spiraling, and without these reminders, she also recognizes her love for you and all of the little things you do. It motivates her to reciprocate them. 

She’s not nearly as busy or grizzled as everyone else on this roster. Qingque’s parents are still a viable support system; if you’re struggling and they catch wind of it, they’d like to help. Your partner’s relationship with her parents is a little rocky, at least internally, but she’d be willing to put aside any differences for your sake. They’d offer extra help around the house, or with job recruitment if you’re out of one, or even with any medical treatments you’re undertaking. Qingque’s folks can be a little snide, though. They’re still floating around the sentiment that Qingque is wasting her potential, and a few comments will slip out.

Qingque is hard-pressed to let anything disturb her peaceful lifestyle, but she has her share of worries: your despondent state and the strain of her parents’ presence. I could see her getting a bit snippy with them — this is exacerbated to levels never seen before should they start making comments about you when they’re supposed to be extending compassion. She’ll kick them out. No yelling, just a steely expression that says everything her tongue doesn’t. It’s shocking since she’s so flippant about everything; it takes a lot to get her mad. 

Afterwards, she’ll apologize to you for lashing out, like she didn’t just defend your honor and all. It’s one of the most romantic gestures she’s ever presented off the cuff. It means the world to you, and if you assure her everything’s okay, and that she did the right thing, she’ll give you one of those half-smiles no amount of money could ever buy. If you say nothing, she’ll brush it off and patch things up with her folks later. What matters is you, even if she has to put herself last. These circumstances only pertain to you.

Work has always been a roadblock for Qingque. She’s been able to hold down a steady job for years (sans the occasional threat of demotion), but it’s an unfortunate truth that she may be penalized heavily for prioritizing your bad days over her duties. But don’t underestimate her. She’ll solemnly swear, prostrating at Fu Xuan’s feet if she must, that she’ll straighten up and take on extra hours after you improve. She’ll work twice as hard in your name if she’s given the chance. And when she is (because Fu Xuan is entirely soft), it’s ruled how much of a good influence you are on the little freeloader, even when you’re struggling.

Love does strange, wondrous things to slackers. Next time you two go to Aurum Alley for a pick-me-up, you’ll notice how often she sneaks glances at you. 

ROBIN

Robin feels helpless. She’s seen so many of her kin succumb to sleep as a means of escape, entering the rapturous Dreamscape of Penacony, consequences be damned. This is wholly different — you’re struggling in reality, and you just so happen to be her beloved significant other. Your state fills her with dread and worry, considering how much illness and despair she’s witnessed. However, this will not stop her from doing all she can to help you through the worst of it. She’s more than willing to shelve her obligations around the cosmos. 

Out of everyone on this list, Robin is the best listener. She’ll take your hand in hers and wait patiently for you to vent or make sense of your feelings. Even if what you say doesn’t make a lick of sense, or you choose not to say anything at all, she remains there for you. Robin is good at knowing what you need when you need it. The empathy and compassion flowing through her veins demands it. She’s the most in-tune with you. Don’t be surprised when she wordlessly offers the perfect thing to make you feel better — herbal tea, your favorite meal, or even just physical touch. 

Speaking of, your girlfriend’s hugs and holds are borderline magical. They don’t make everything better, not by a longshot, but there’s this immediate catharsis that washes over you when she sits in your lap and offers warmth like a luxury weighted blanket. If you jokingly ask her if she’s a gift from the Aeons THEMSELVES, she’ll wink all slow-like and respond with something like maybe. The Harmony probably doesn’t have a stake in her soothing presence, but she’ll go along with the joke because you’re smiling… and it’s been too long since she’s seen those beautiful teeth of yours. 

The little things you’ve been struggling with are taken care of wordlessly. She’ll have your schedule cleared, the chores handled, and even secure leave with your job if you happen to be employed. She’ll never voice it aloud, but caring for you is so gratifying — she almost feels terrible for it when you’re in the depression trenches, but Robin just loves to dote on you. This goes double if you aren’t so receptive to doting in your normal state.

She tries to be strong for you, and she is, because Robin’s seen battlefields and bullet wounds and catastrophe after catastrophe, but her needs will begin to take a backseat. She’s fine with this, naturally. But instead of sharing her woes and worries with you like she’d normally do for conversation’s sake, she’ll instead not want to burden you with them. She won’t treat you like you’re fragile, but she’ll unwittingly smother her own voice so you can breathe easier and exist without being “weighed down”. You might notice how she doesn’t have as many complaints. Could this be attributed to the time she’s taken off to care for you? Maybe. But if you’re able to sense something’s off — and fight for the truth — giving her an opportunity to speak not as the Cosmic Songstress, but as your girlfriend, goes a long way. 

When she’s giving you space, Robin starts writing again. She’ll jot down lyrics to her next song, dedicated to you and your perseverance. Her love for you shines through the lyrics. While she sings the words aloud in their raw state, you’ll hear her perfect pitch devolve into sobs that she can’t suppress. It’s an emotional journey she wouldn’t trade for anything or make easier if given the option. She reveals the source of her inspiration months down the line, right after the single’s release, bringing fans and critics alike to tears. All of this is done with your permission and privacy in mind, of course. The last thing Robin wants to do is make you uncomfortable.

Speaking of her fame, it’s sometimes hellish to be in the public eye. This is especially true in the case of your condition. If it gets leaked to the public that the reason Robin’s on an indefinite break from her career is because of you, there will be mixed reactions. Parasocial fans that already don’t like you will besmirch your name and harass you on social media. Trashy sensationalist articles speculating on your wellbeing and the legitimacy of your depression will surface. 

It’s nothing Robin’s not used to, but she becomes furious on your behalf. She always does when her cultural relevance negatively affects her loved ones. It’s unlikely you’ll see the worst of it, because you’ve been encouraged to avoid the internet — but your girlfriend puts out a statement that’ll eventually yield an outpour of support for you. The majority of her normal and kind fans will have your back and combat the hate. Above all else, she is there for you, smiling through the guilt of dragging you into unnecessary hardship. 

Did you know that Robin is quite the shopper? She doesn’t drag herself into debt oblivion or anything, but a bit of retail therapy hurts no one, especially when she has more wealth than she can donate to charity. When your spirits are perpetually down and she can’t raise them with her mellifluous chords, she’ll online shop with you in mind. Silk pajamas are delivered to your doorstep, along with any trinkets that may raise your spirit. She’ll scroll on her laptop with her hair down, you at her side, pointing things out to you that you may like. Anything to see you smile. She’s grown quite fond of tangible love. 

You’ve won the heart of a woman bathed in the limelight of countless galaxies. If you’re hurting, she’ll hurt with you, knowing the bond you share is untouchable and irreplaceable. 

cue reca, a professor at the rival university. most people aiming to make their mark go to one of two unis; his or yours. but that's not to say he respects you any less -- no, he admires you greatly! you click so well with him, and your filmography is just as extensive and star-studded as his. two celebrities. him, the world-renowned director, producer, and actor. and you, the same.

having pillared the same circles, you talk frequently. you meet for coffee, sometimes, when your schedules align in tandem with the stars. you two share a passionate friendship.

and during one of these coffee trysts, reca makes his move.

to your surprise, he starts trying to sell you a pitch. the offer? a teaching job in the same department as him. at his university. y'know, where you belong! the benefits are so much better, he says. you'll be appreciated more, he promises. you'll be tenured! after all, you have the all the accolades credentials. you're unhappy. you're looking for reasons to leave, even.

but you refuse him. multiple times. each instance he thinks he's this much closer to poaching you from that loathsome place, you politely decline, insisting you're happy right where you are -- which makes no sense, because you were just venting to him about how you crave better. he's baffled. why are you so keen on wasting your potential?

and he's right. because the reason you reject every well-meaning offer... is because you have a stupid, juvenile crush on reca.

how could you not? he's handsome, you bounce ideas off each other beautifully, and he doesn't give into the snobbery that runs so rifely unchecked within the industry. he's a genuinely great guy, and one that appreciates your talents to boot.

so you can't accept his job offer, as ideal as that would be. you can be avoidant at times, reclusive; critics and journalists only dream to snag a interview with you. and because you're avoidant, you absolutely cannot work within such close proximity to him! you're convinced you'll make a fool of yourself, that there's nothing really between you and the other director. there's no way he feels the same, right?

he's so annoyingly persistent; having a stupid crush on him would be a lot more manageable if he wasn’t trying to commit the career equivalent of courting you. ah, he thinks, i'll convince them one way or another! the board of reca's uni is tired of holding your spot in the department. however, they're still inclined to respect his wishes -- he's a legend potentially inducting another into the staff. why would he consider any other candidates, when you'd fit in so sublimely? your future students are getting tired of temps and subs, y'know...

he sends expensive gifts to you (anonymously, so he has plausible deniability if there are ethical concerns about bribery) to try and win you over. he takes you on unofficial tours (that you insist are off the record) of the more superior campus. he envelops your hands in his and guides them to toss coins into one of the quad's many fountains (forbidden).

meanwhile, you're too worried about your feelings for him and how they're being exacerbated by these totally-not-dates -- and how much he flatters you while trying to convince you to leave your job. he's pretty stingy with praise, but he gives credit where its due.

eventually, you give in. you accept the position. but instead of things speeding up between you and reca, they start slowing down.

since the other director's master plan has finally worked, he lets you settle. the gifts, flattery, and the not-dates slow to a crawl, leaving you doubtful. it really was just a recruitment ordeal, huh? just a strategy. nothing else, nothing more. you kick yourself for thinking otherwise, and the feelings you harbor for him are now embarrassing and painful.

but reca doesn't see it like that, no. now that's finally got you where you need to be, there's no need to rush. of course he has feelings for you too. he doesn't overthink his attraction to you; it's as natural as breathing. so he was nonchalant about the couple activities and praise, among other things.

he didn't think to bring his crush on you up because 1) it'll be handled properly all slowburn-like once you settle in and 2) you must know he returns your affections. there's no greater compliment than clicking with your fellow director, after all.

it would work itself out swiftly if you both could just communicate.