#fuxksean

missed encounter // a missed encounter is never summing up the courage to ask someone out a missed encounter is wanting to go for it but having your doubts a missed encounter is overthinking what you could do than doing it now.

The Fisherman // There was a man seated on a bucket, casting his line into the creek near the street. It was early in the morning yet I wonder how long he's been there. I noticed birds wandering around him, they must be really friendly I thought. Most of these birds were big and tall, crane or stork-looking type, at least in my eyes they were. However, it seemed too suspicious that there were a small flock within his vicinity. Looking back at the fisherman, I realize his line was caught, he started to reel in the fish and some birds took notice and started to creep closer to the man. He finally pulled out a fish for a patient moment, unhooked it from his rod and tossed it to the nearby crowd of feathers eagerly waiting for their breakfast. I wonder how often this man does this, an act of love I would call it, anything with food should be out of love, a physical embodiment of something we can consume, given to us by another or even made for ourselves. It was the most peaceful thing I've witnessed, where "Fishing is like yoga, but I get to kill something." Sometimes meditating on the floor is peaceful, other times feeding wild birds early in the morning is another form of peace from within. I thought to myself, I want to be like that man one day. But I have no fishing rod, the river has been dried up, and the birds have all flown south.

The Difference between a Lover and a Fighter // I've noticed two kinds of people, there is the lover, and there is the fighter. Now ironically, one fights for love and the other loves to fight. Both share the same passion which drives them to live on with their lives. However, in the end, is it the one who loves or the one who fights that survives?

3:21 AM // It's nice to hear from you even if we don't speak often, I like to think about you, and how your voice softens. A pillow for my ears, that I could sleep with for the next couple years, though our lips will never kiss, I still crave yours, and how your love opened doors, in a house of heartbreak, with broken windows to let cold air in and freeze our toes. The heater broke, it was never bothered to be repaired. I guess fixing it was too much of a hassle, because once we fall in love, we'll both get scared. Unsure of a future, and how long it will last, a moment is never long enough, until it becomes a thing of the past. But know that I miss you, and how we used to talk in bed, it's probably sad to admit, I'd like to think of you right next to me, rather than the voice in my head. Seeing you for the first time, would turn my stomach to butterflies, and I'd puke out the cocoons, right in front of you.

Poem for my cousin in Rehab // I don't know where to start, but for you to end up there, how far did we grow apart? Our distance grew through time and space. I only got to see you on the occasional holiday. You'd disappear for a time, until I saw you again around Christmas Night, or maybe family parties, where we celebrated a birthday, but even then, you'd leave early because you never had the time to stay. Growing up was different than now. Remember our vacations in Mexico? Where our families all got together, enjoying the hot summer weather. Running free along the beach, scuba diving in the sea, riding fast on jet ski's, and drinking sweet daquiris, but those trips would last no more than a week and what we have left, are kodak photos and drifting memories. I've learned recently thatn you're in Rehab now. I'm glad you're getting the help you deserve. I guess they call it being admitted because acceptance is one of the steps they've listed. Rehab starts with an "R" and ends with a "B," I want you to think with me. Unlike "R&B", you're out of Rhthym but still living in Blues until you've hit Rock Bottom, because Rehab is good for you. I've looked up to you since we were kids but never thought things would end up like this. Am I scared because my path was parallel to yours, you and I were alike, being the eldest child in the family, knowing the older sibling had the most responsibility. Where every mistake we made, was a lesson learned in pain. Strict fathers always disciplined their kids, and especially sons who have yet to understand the wrong things they did. Tell me what hurt most, the belt? the slipper? or was it the disappointment from every family member? Don't feel ashamed when you've come out, I've got nothing to give except these open arms. I want you to be aware of your temptations. God knows, Lucy is waiting, because Lucy is tempting, but Lucy won't save ya, so I pray for ya. There will always be vices that Lucy will hold against ya be careful because, Lucy's got Molly, Lucy's with Snow white, Lucy is the wrong heroine you meet at night, Lucy never sleeps like methamphetamines, Lucy invades your dreams, painting nightmares on your subconcious canvas. Lucy got evils, cause Lucy got peoples. So watch those that surround you, Lucy gone need you, and Lucy gone steal you. But come back home and stay with your fam. Don't be afraid to go outside. Beware of straightedges, the pretentious kind, those that preach you can get "high off life" because the reality now, is that every high has a come down. Now that you're sober, don't think that "it" is over. I hope you recover, I see you as my brother, Go apologize to your mother, but most of all, Live life like no other.

When It's Not Enough // It's a cop out when people say, "I don't deserve someone like you," they are just hiding the fact that they don't have any real feelings towards your own being, and to "deserve someone like you," is letting you know in a way that makes them look bad, but really it's you. However, in this case, it's me. She said she doesn't deserve someone like me, she's afraid she might hurt me, she doesn't want me to get involved with someone like her, she thinks it will not end well for her. It seems like there's never enough I can do to prove my love to someone who I had feelings for. Love is infinite, which is why we can never get enough of it. That's why it hurts to say our goodbyes. A hug is never tight enough, a kiss is never sweet enough, a moment is never long enough, and to feel her touch, it's almost impossible to hold still because I just wanted to "Netflix and Chill," maybe share my love that's been wanting to be held by someone else since I find it hard to hold on to things I find dear to me could it be that this love would fall into something new or am I in over my head thinking that this someone would be the person I'd want to wake up next to in my bed. Where the start of my day would seem like the sun rises when she wakes, the breeze would pick up as she fixes her hair, flowers would bloom as she stretches her body birds sing as she yawns dreamily getting ready for the day would be more exciting to watch her change right in front of me to see her fit in some jeans wear a hoodie that's mine maybe a beanie if it's cold outside. That's probably too much to ask for but why not keep these expectations, dreams, or hopes up it'll be something to look forward to when I meet someone new and I know it'll be just right the right amount of love that's shared in between the two of us but until then, I'll write these poems for her, because I know it's still not enough.