#drivesslow

3:21 AM // It's nice to hear from you even if we don't speak often, I like to think about you, and how your voice softens. A pillow for my ears, that I could sleep with for the next couple years, though our lips will never kiss, I still crave yours, and how your love opened doors, in a house of heartbreak, with broken windows to let cold air in and freeze our toes. The heater broke, it was never bothered to be repaired. I guess fixing it was too much of a hassle, because once we fall in love, we'll both get scared. Unsure of a future, and how long it will last, a moment is never long enough, until it becomes a thing of the past. But know that I miss you, and how we used to talk in bed, it's probably sad to admit, I'd like to think of you right next to me, rather than the voice in my head. Seeing you for the first time, would turn my stomach to butterflies, and I'd puke out the cocoons, right in front of you.

Poem for my cousin in Rehab // I don't know where to start, but for you to end up there, how far did we grow apart? Our distance grew through time and space. I only got to see you on the occasional holiday. You'd disappear for a time, until I saw you again around Christmas Night, or maybe family parties, where we celebrated a birthday, but even then, you'd leave early because you never had the time to stay. Growing up was different than now. Remember our vacations in Mexico? Where our families all got together, enjoying the hot summer weather. Running free along the beach, scuba diving in the sea, riding fast on jet ski's, and drinking sweet daquiris, but those trips would last no more than a week and what we have left, are kodak photos and drifting memories. I've learned recently thatn you're in Rehab now. I'm glad you're getting the help you deserve. I guess they call it being admitted because acceptance is one of the steps they've listed. Rehab starts with an "R" and ends with a "B," I want you to think with me. Unlike "R&B", you're out of Rhthym but still living in Blues until you've hit Rock Bottom, because Rehab is good for you. I've looked up to you since we were kids but never thought things would end up like this. Am I scared because my path was parallel to yours, you and I were alike, being the eldest child in the family, knowing the older sibling had the most responsibility. Where every mistake we made, was a lesson learned in pain. Strict fathers always disciplined their kids, and especially sons who have yet to understand the wrong things they did. Tell me what hurt most, the belt? the slipper? or was it the disappointment from every family member? Don't feel ashamed when you've come out, I've got nothing to give except these open arms. I want you to be aware of your temptations. God knows, Lucy is waiting, because Lucy is tempting, but Lucy won't save ya, so I pray for ya. There will always be vices that Lucy will hold against ya be careful because, Lucy's got Molly, Lucy's with Snow white, Lucy is the wrong heroine you meet at night, Lucy never sleeps like methamphetamines, Lucy invades your dreams, painting nightmares on your subconcious canvas. Lucy got evils, cause Lucy got peoples. So watch those that surround you, Lucy gone need you, and Lucy gone steal you. But come back home and stay with your fam. Don't be afraid to go outside. Beware of straightedges, the pretentious kind, those that preach you can get "high off life" because the reality now, is that every high has a come down. Now that you're sober, don't think that "it" is over. I hope you recover, I see you as my brother, Go apologize to your mother, but most of all, Live life like no other.

When It's Not Enough // It's a cop out when people say, "I don't deserve someone like you," they are just hiding the fact that they don't have any real feelings towards your own being, and to "deserve someone like you," is letting you know in a way that makes them look bad, but really it's you. However, in this case, it's me. She said she doesn't deserve someone like me, she's afraid she might hurt me, she doesn't want me to get involved with someone like her, she thinks it will not end well for her. It seems like there's never enough I can do to prove my love to someone who I had feelings for. Love is infinite, which is why we can never get enough of it. That's why it hurts to say our goodbyes. A hug is never tight enough, a kiss is never sweet enough, a moment is never long enough, and to feel her touch, it's almost impossible to hold still because I just wanted to "Netflix and Chill," maybe share my love that's been wanting to be held by someone else since I find it hard to hold on to things I find dear to me could it be that this love would fall into something new or am I in over my head thinking that this someone would be the person I'd want to wake up next to in my bed. Where the start of my day would seem like the sun rises when she wakes, the breeze would pick up as she fixes her hair, flowers would bloom as she stretches her body birds sing as she yawns dreamily getting ready for the day would be more exciting to watch her change right in front of me to see her fit in some jeans wear a hoodie that's mine maybe a beanie if it's cold outside. That's probably too much to ask for but why not keep these expectations, dreams, or hopes up it'll be something to look forward to when I meet someone new and I know it'll be just right the right amount of love that's shared in between the two of us but until then, I'll write these poems for her, because I know it's still not enough.

my type // People keep asking me, who's your type? They expect some sort of ethnicity or physical description. Like oh yeah, I love them latinas, or I live for thick women. While true, those are just general groups, and every lady is their own flower in a garden full of other flowers, some dead, some blooming, some planted, and some who need water. If I were to talk about a certain type it would be this. She's the type to love clouds but hate cloudy days, the one to love the sun but never go outside, she wants the breeze but will never sail the seven seas. She thinks that too much is never enough, she believes that her sadness will last forever. She's the one who will make me better. I'll make corny jokes and she'll laugh, we'll go grocery shopping one day just for puns. Take spontaneous trips when we feel that reality has been too much. It will be the time we can get away with a moment, that feels like forever, I promise to take pictures during this endeavour. She's both modest and wild. She'll know what to wear for any occasion. This seems like a long list but if I were to break it down. All these are just emotions that need fulfilling, you'd ask me how she would make me feel at the end of the day, but the biggest question would be, do you think she feels the same?

selfish remix // Hey there Michelle, hope you're doin well, it's been a minute since I've called you on my cell. Do you recall the last time we talked? Was it when we used to sing along beats that rocked? but I think that I forgot, about all the times I thought our love was lost. You and me will meet soon enough, just wait and see it'll be the two of us, Either up in SF where it's getting foggy, or down in LA where the beach is a party. Hi there Brooklyn, from time to time I still think of what you're doin. I see that you post art on your ig page, ever since I've broke your heart it's not the same. If only you could see me perform, one time and give you a private show, then you would probably know, It's best if you'd go, because we both have room for us to grow. You were thrilling, and we made memories, I'll never forget you helped me write my poetry. The very first one I shared with others. I think that's a special connection between two lovers. Oh and Desiry, glad to know your love is great, the force that caused your car and my bed to shake, girl let me be your rebound, let me pick you back up where you dropped girl, because I don't want your sweet lovin just to stop girl. You fell in love with my voice, in a classroom where I performed my work, and smokin' swishers in the parking lot, what could be worse, than to spend a whole day with you. I know there'es more to come, since this semester isn't done. Last but not least, I can't forget Emily, who sees beauty, in everyone she meets. She said she fell in love with an artist, someone who changed her perspective, about how the world interacted, and that love was happiness. She wonders what I'm up to at times, I keep telling her I'm busy all night, not just working but trying to make things right. With myself, with everyone else, trying to keep from falling, and to every girl I forgot to mention, I'm calling...

I Should Be There // Relationships are like airports. You've bought your ticket, and you're excited for this brand new adventure that awaits you. Almost like flying for the first time, realizing that you became a part of the sky. The ticket is just the first part, where you spend money for the other, hoping to meet once again at the other end. Once you've checked in, you must pass through security, will they let you in just that easy? I think the TSA will practice their selective screening, for a person like you, making sure you don't bring any weapons, illegal substances, or bad intentions. We want you to be safe on your flight, and we want you to be theirs for the night. Security checkpoints will be as quick as a sprint, if you comply with it. But don't compromise yourself along it, even though you remove your metal, take off your shoes, and separate your emotions, when passing through the scanner, they won't notice what else is lying beneath good manners. We are in no rush to leave, you're plane is bound to arrive, waiting with strangers, wondering what their story is, because everybody wants to be somewhere else or maybe they want to go back, I'll never know. I'm finally seated on the plane, but it never takes off. I know I should be there, with you, wherever you are.