#futureletters

- - - - -

As with all things I write, this isn’t something new - I rarely have a good opening. I just knew I needed to create this now, and hope that I have the patience/perseverance in the future with which I’m starting.

I initially wanted it to be a diary for the future me. I was washing dishes in the kitchen and reminiscing the days when I used to cook a lot and enjoy cooking for people I love, mulling over how the times have changed - I haven’t cooked anything worthwhile, delicious, or something I’m proud of, in a while. And I thought, ‘future self, if you could, still try to have a big family, much like the one you came from, and cook and have hearty meals with everyone, once again.’

But that seems hard in the current situation. Recession looming, financial stability still hanging, the physicality of time bearing down on my body…

Hence, being confined in a future letter. Now here but with nowhere to go.

I started this because I felt like there would be more to come. So with this I close,

A letter that I wrote on a whim. Daughters or sons.

If I do have you or bear you in the future, do know that you're mother is still 19 when she wrote this.There are still complicated things that I need to understand and to understand fully means that I have to be wary about the things that is surrounding me. It doesnt make sense, right? Ha, so anyway, I'm 19 now and I have a job, a good pay, in your lola's university. I just graduated and they say if you graduated college, you'll usually be just 'nganga' because you dont know what you'll do after. I didnt know what I'd do after but your lolas helped me so much. Your aunts and uncle also.

My dear young ones, I'm still young. Too young that I have so many things I want to do, so many places I want to visit and so many things I want to buy. I am a repulsive buyer and I dont know how to save money hahahaha. As of now, I want to get my ear pierced, my arms tattooed. But before I do any of that, I need to prepare for the board exam. Your mom's a dumb badass but i am striving.

As for you mother's lovelife, well, uh, there's no one. We'll try to solve that later. I'm too busy thinking about the next pierce that I will get, or the design of the tattoo that im getting or the things i will buy for your lola mimi. But everything will be okay. In the Lord's time.

As for you my little me, try not to overthink. Dont be too sad, your mom loves you very much. Even if you dont exist today, i know that you will exist someday. Hopefully not too soon because I still have to prove myself that I am worthy and happy. I have so many things I want to learn. Education is very important, kids. Praying to God is important. Respecting your parents is important. Loving and having a deep connection with your family is important. That's how I survived in life because our family was there and the Lord's words guided me. Always pray and pray and pray and ask for guidance.

Letters to the Future, a film by Bianca Catbagan

Letters to the Future began with a simple question to 20-somethings: What would you say to your future self?