#future pari

Dear Remus,

           I'm sorry I haven't come to see you lately, but I see the pain in your eyes when you look at me, and you turn white as a sheet, as if the full moon has come early. I know I look like him, our smiles are the same, and I have his big eyes, and it hurts me just to look in the mirror, so I've been trying not to put you through that pain.

         Nothing feels right anymore Moony. My brother's dead and we couldn't have a proper funeral, all that was left was his finger. And James and Lily are gone, poor Harry left all alone. And Sirius...I thought I knew him. I know him. He wouldn't do this. He loved us, all of us. He would never do that, he would never set anything but a playful hand on Peter...why am I talking about him like he's still here? They're gone...they're all gone. I'm losing my mind.

           Is it wrong that I still love him? I cannot wrap my head around it. Tell me I'm not crazy Remus...I need someone to tell me I'm not losing my mind. I think Pete's haunting me if you want the truth. I see him around corners sometimes. He's not dead...he can't be. This wasn't him, I know it wasn't.  

           Remus, I need you. I know it's hard to see me, but I can't hide in this place any longer. Any person who I ever thought to be a friend knows about this place. You remember the stories right? After we came back from the summer and Sirius and I would talk over each other with our silly stories just for me to tell you later that night when he was gone so you could actually listen...I miss those days...I miss them more than anything. Can we go back? If you can't see me I understand...but I need you.

                                                            Love

                                                              Your friend,

Dear Sirius

           I don't even know if this will ever get to you. I'm not really sure how the policy for owls works in Azkaban, but I hope it finds you well. I feel sick just writing this letter. Nothing feels right anymore. They keep telling me you killed him, and I swear I keep seeing him Sirius. I'm losing my mind and my heart is shattered.

          Remus cannot even look at me without getting sick because of the little similarities between me and Peter. He doesn't say anything about it, but I try to visit less these days. It's fading, I can feel it. I'm losing him too, but I cannot bare to hurt him like that.

           Mum has not stopped crying. I am still holding my breath. Padfoot, just tell me you didn't do this. Please, I need to know I'm not crazy. You would never hurt Peter, and you wouldn't sell out James and Lily. I know you through and through, and you would never betray us all like that. You may be a smug arsehole, but you are a good friend. I am dying here with the muggles. Still in that same place from when I was little and I would run away when mum made me stay with my aunt...god, why am I telling you this? I shouldn't still trust you.

           All my friends are dead, off the map, or in Azkaban. I just need security somewhere Sirius, I need to know that this was someone else. Don't you dare lie to me either...tell me it's not true and I swear, I'll believe you just...tell me the truth Sirius...it hurts so much without all of you, I need to know I'm not crazy for still having a place for you in my heart.

                                            Love always 

                                           See you soon

                                                goodbye...