#funouhan

“Are you looking for anything specific?” You ask as you head into the store.

“Yeah, cat toys and cat food and cat beds and…”

With a giggle, you point him in the direction of the pet supplies. “New cats, huh?”

“Yeah, they’re a handful,” he says with an exaggerated yawn. “Thanks, miss. Maybe we’ll cross paths again.”

You do your own shopping and leave the store, headed back home. By the time you get home, you notice an extra box that you don’t remember picking up. It’s some of your favorite cookies with a little handwritten note: Thanks for today. Enjoy. - Tadashi

“Wow, how’d he sneak this in my cart without me noticing? Oh well, free cookies,” you shrug, taking a quick look at the box. It was unopened and not tampered with at all, so you happily pop it open and grab a cookie, taking a big bite.

With a hum, you savor the bite, settling down in front of the TV and putting on whatever as you eat. You zone out as commercials play.

“So, how are the cookies?”

With a yelp, you nearly drop the box, spinning to see Tadashi standing nearby, grinning at you.

“How the hell did you get in my apartment?” You yell, scooting to the other side of the couch. He sits at the farthest end, leaning back as if he owned the place.

“The door was left open.”

“No, it definitely wasn’t!”

He chuckles and shrugs. “Believe me or not, are you sure you want to keep eating those cookies? Look again.”

Ice cold fear runs through your veins. Had he done something to the cookies, after all? You open the box again, staring at normal-looking cookies. As he watches, you pick one up, inspecting it at all angles and even sniffing it.

“What’d you do to these cookies, Tadashi? They look normal…but whatever, I don’t want them anymore.” You toss the box at him, which he catches perfectly.

His eyebrows are raised, and he stares at you in shock. Slowly, he smiles again, though there’s something so off-putting about his expression.

“I didn’t do anything, actually. I just thought I’d play a little prank on my new friend.”

“Friend? Since when are we friends? I gave you directions exactly once and then you broke into my place–”

“Came in through the unlocked door–”

“And now you’re insisting we’re friends? Get out already!”

Tadashi full-on laughs as he stands up, taking the cookie box with him. “You’re a fun one, I like you. Be seeing you.”

And you did start to see him after that, the messy-haired man with the cold eyes and dark aura. More and more, you saw him: out of the corner of your eye when walking down the street, chatting casually with your coworkers during your lunch breaks, sidling up to you after work to hang out, inviting himself over to your apartment on weekends with a cat in tow. You didn’t really have a choice in the matter, and somehow you actually did end up becoming friends, though more out of pity on your end. You sensed that he was lonely and probably didn’t have other friends, and that’s why he liked bothering you so much. So you accepted it, let him visit you with cats (an added bonus), let him join you on lunch breaks, let him insert himself into your life little by little. 

At some point, he’d basically moved into your place with his cats, though you made him give up a handful of them for adoption so now you were down to a manageable three. (“And good riddance! You can keep him, young lady!” said his former landlord.) Sometimes he would leave during odd hours of the night and come back at random times, and whenever you asked he simply dodged the question. All he would tell you is that he’s working. On what, you probably wouldn’t ever know, but at least he managed to keep up his part of the rent every month.

One day, the two of you are walking arm in arm through the local park when someone shouts your boyfriend’s name. Surprised because you don’t normally see him interact with others, you turn to see a man in a suit run up to you, looking frantic and frazzled.

“Ah, if it isn’t Detective Tada.” Tadashi sounds pleased. “Have I introduced my girlfriend to you?”

“Oh wow, a friend of Tadashi’s? It’s nice to meet you, Detective.” You shake his hand as he glances between the two of you, clearly a little speechless. Eventually he reins it in and forces an awkward smile.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am. Usobuki is such a troublemaker and I haven’t seen him in a while so I was getting worried.”

You glance up at your boyfriend, who merely shrugs. Did he have run-ins with the law in the past? “He’s fine, he’s with me and our cats a lot. Did you need something?”

“No, ma’am. Just…” The detective narrows his eyes. “There have been some odd disappearances in the area lately. Be careful, okay? Here’s my number if you ever need…help.” Tada glares at Tadashi before nodding to you, slipping his business card into your hand.

“Thanks, Detective.”

“Thanks for your hard work, Detective Tada. See you round.” Tadashi winks and pulls you away before Tada can say anything more. He stares after you with worry etched into his face.

“You’re friends with a detective, Tadashi?” You ask. “Since when?”

“Due to my…work, you could say. I have to work closely with law enforcement from time to time.”

You gasp, looking up at him with sparkling eyes. “You work with law enforcement? How cool! I bet you guys are working on the disappearances, huh? How noble.” No wonder he couldn’t tell you much about the job, it was probably top secret, you rationalize his actions in your head.

He chuckles at your naivety, secretly glad you’re not pressing the topic. “That’s right, babe. And that’s why I want you to be careful, okay? There are all sorts of people out here, not all as nice as me.”

You nudge his shoulder playfully. “I don’t know if ‘nice’ is how I would describe you, sweetie, but if you say so.”

***

After a really difficult day at work, you come home to fling yourself into your boyfriend’s lap, cuddling one of your cats as you ramble about your most annoying coworker.

“Ugh, it’s like Akane has something against me!” You complain, scratching the cat behind her ears. “She keeps trying to throw me under the bus. I’m glad my boss knows I’m a good worker and was on my side, but what is her deal? It’s like she’s trying to turn others against me. Our other coworker, Yuuto, even told her to back off.”

“Hmm…” Tadashi hums quietly, rubbing your back in soothing circles. “Would you like me to help you?”

“You’re already helping,” you mumble, nuzzling into him as your cat purrs in your arms. “And little Hazuki is also very helpful, aren’t you, girl?” She meows her agreement. Satoka and Suzuki are both curled up nearby, napping together in a patch of sunlight.

“No, my dear. Is there a…request you wish me to fulfill?” His voice is quiet in your ear, tone light with something odd simmering below the surface.

You stiffen as a chill runs down your spine. You’re not sure if he’s joking anymore, and you’re afraid to ask what he means.

“N-no, it’s fine,” you mumble. “It’s just some petty squabbles, is all.”

“Are you sure? You don’t want me to, say, make this Akane stop bothering you at work?” Why does he sound hopeful?

“No, Tadashi.” You try to be more firm. “Whatever you’re thinking, I don’t want it.”

“Okay, okay.” He sighs, burying his face in your neck. “I’d gladly help you if you would just ask. You could be my favorite client, you know.”

“No, thank you. Don’t bring your work home.”

“No promises.” He gently nips at your neck, making you giggle.

Unfortunately his work does end up following you, in the weirdest of ways. Barely days after that little chat, Tadashi’s mood starts to change. You notice that he’s more protective of you, pushing you away from the street as you walk down the sidewalk, always there waiting patiently for you to come home from work, sometimes even bringing you back home himself. As you leave the building, you see him stare over your head at someone, and turn just in time to see Akane walking away. Maybe you saw that wrong, because how would he possibly know what she looks like? 

As all this is happening in your home life, there’s an odd shift at work as well. Akane starts being nicer to you, offering to grab you a coffee or buy you lunch every so often. Even as she smiles at you, it never reaches her eyes. Eventually you call her out for being so weird with you, and she sighs.

“Look, I just wanted to apologize for being so nasty to you this past year. You’re not a bad employee at all; if anything, you’re a great employee. We all know it. I just have a hard time apologizing. Tell you what, can I treat you to some food tonight? I’ll buy you dinner, how about it?”

You agree, albeit reluctantly. If this makes her stop being weird, then fine.

When you mention this new plan to your boyfriend, his expression doesn’t change. “Have fun,” is all he says.

You go out to meet her that night, and she takes you to this expensive, exclusive sushi place. You’re escorted to a private room and they just start bringing out dish after dish, with heaps of side dishes and alcohol to go with it.

When you look to Akane, she just says, “It’s on me. Enjoy it.”

She pours the both of you a drink and clinks glasses with you before taking a sip. Following suit, you drink, only to notice that the liquid tastes off. There’s a strange saltiness that it shouldn’t have, and you put the glass down and gag a little.

“What is that? If it’s expensive, you need to get your money back.”

Akane laughs, practically cackling. You stare in horror as she reveals a small bottle filled with cloudy, translucent liquid, marked with a blank label.

“I can assure you, I’m getting my money’s worth. Just not in the way you think.”

Throwing the little bottle down onto the table, she stands, laughing even louder. 

“Finally, I’m getting rid of you! My biggest rival.”

Rival? You never thought of her as more than an annoying coworker, so did she see you as an arch nemesis this whole time? You think it would probably make things worse if you told her that she was never more than a brief thought in your mind, so you kept quiet.

“Yes, you’re a good employee, but you’ve always been so stuck up! You always thought you were better than me!”

“You could have just, I don’t know, worked on improving your skills instead of focusing on me?” You mumble under your breath. Akane is too wrapped up in her monologue to hear.

“And even Yuuto, my darling Yuuto, stood up for you and defended you!”

“Darling?” You ask incredulously. “Isn’t he married? Isn’t this year his fifth marriage anniversary?”

“So what?” She screeches, nails gouging into the wooden table. “He knows that we are meant to be! I know that he will leave his wife for me…when I finally get rid of you.”

“Yuuto and I are just friendly coworkers,” You say, trying to calm her down. “Neither of us have said anything remotely flirtatious. Like, ever.”

“Oh, shut up! You might have fooled everyone, but you never fooled me! And now, within the hour, you’ll be gone and I’ll be here to take your place! At work, and in Yuuto’s life!”

Right, the liquid she snuck into your cup. You guessed it was poison, but really it only tasted like overly salty water. And you didn’t feel any different, so maybe you could bide your time and get to a hospital.

“Okay, I think that’s enough.” Tadashi gave a heavy sigh, entering the private room.

“Ah, Usobuki! You’ve already fulfilled your end of the bargain, and now my rival will die, so I don’t need your services anymore.”

“Yeah, about that. We’ve had a change of plans, actually. Look at the bottle again.”

Akane picked it up and gasped. “It…is this even poison? It doesn’t look like it! What did you do, Usobuki?” She glared at him, but something in his expression turned her anger into horror.

“It is poison, actually. But are you sure you put it in the right cup?”

Instantly, she reeled back, clutching at her own throat. 

“No…no, why…this isn’t what I wanted…”

A dark chuckle. “No, it’s what I wanted.”

“Th-then if I’ll die, I’m going to take her with me–!”

You reel back in your chair, but she doesn’t head your way. Instead, she lunges into the table between you, sending plates flying. Akane makes a choking sound, and you realize something is lodged in her throat.

“It’s just a small rice ball, spit it out!” You cry, frozen in place.

“Is it just a rice ball? They did bring out sea urchins, too,” says Tadashi, and Akane’s eyes bulge. Spots of blood appear all over her neck, as if it’s being punctured from the inside. Eventually, Akane’s whole body goes limp, eyes rolling in the back of her head, never to open again.

It’s hard to breathe. You can’t figure out what just happened, and your chest heaves as your eyes fill with tears.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. It’s okay. Breathe with me slowly.” Tadashi is kneeling in front of you, blocking the view of the scene behind him. With his help, you get your breathing under control, but you still can’t stop from crying.

Gently, he pulls you up, bringing you out of the private room. The restaurant host sees your distress and asks about it.

All you can say is, “I couldn’t help her,” while trying not to burst into loud sobs. 

“I think her friend was allergic and just didn’t know,” explains Tadashi as he guides you out of the building. Before you know it, you’re back at home, curled around a pillow in bed crying your eyes out as the cats gather around you, clearly worried about you.

The next day, you wake up with a headache, eyes still stinging from crying yourself to sleep. Gratefully you grab the painkillers and wash them down with the glass of water, all conveniently on your nightstand, only for the memories of last night to come rushing back. You double over, coughing on your water, hoping that the pills you just took weren’t poison after all.

“My dear, you’re awake.” Tadashi appears at your side out of nowhere, patting you on the back. Instantly you recoil from him, putting pillows as a barrier in between you. As you finish your coughing fit, Tadashi smiles sadly at you.

“L-leave me alone,” you gasp. 

“Oh, my darling. Normally I’m used to horrified stares, but I don’t like it coming from you.” His pout, which you would normally find charming, just makes you angrier.

“If you aren’t going to leave, then explain,” you practically spit at him, glaring daggers.

“I had hoped you would never find out, but I suppose it had to happen. So. My mysterious job that you don’t know about. I’m an assassin. I take clients who put murder requests at a certain phone booth in the city.”

He says all this so casually that you almost don’t believe him, but you couldn’t begin to understand yesterday without this.

“You kill people.” Your voice is a nearly unrecognizable monotone. “But how did you kill Akane without touching her?”

Tadashi explains to you about his method of killing. As much as you don’t want to hear it, you feel like you need to know, so you listen to him describe his hypnotism and tricking people into hallucinated deaths or suicides.

“It is the ultimate defense, the impossibility defense. Because who can convict me when there is zero physical evidence of me doing anything?”

You stare down at the pillow in your lap as you clutch onto it like a lifeline. 

“Akane was the client who introduced me to you way back then,” Tadashi explained.

You could barely look him in the eye anymore, but you motion weakly for him to continue.

“She wanted you gone for a while now. That first time she commissioned me to kill you was the day I first met you, and you guided me to the store. You were supposed to eat the cookies, see them as acid-covered balls of razor wire, and choke to death.” He says all this so matter-of-factly, it makes you sick. “But that didn’t happen. You’re immune to my hypnotism, my dear, and that’s what makes you special.”

“So why didn’t you just kill me some other way?” you whisper.

He shrugs. “Didn’t want to. Not like that. And I decided I already liked you. So I hypnotized Akane to forget that she ever requested your death. But she ended up trying again, so this time I’d had enough of her and decided to get rid of her before she did something to you herself.”

Don’t justify killing her like you’re doing it for my benefit, you think to yourself.

“So you’re a murderer who never does his own killing and can’t be proven to be a murderer. Yet you call yourself an assassin, like it’s cool? Like a vigilante or something? But aren’t you doing this for your own sick pleasure?”

For a moment, you worry that your sharp words might anger him, but he simply laughs. “Isn’t it interesting to watch how humans think, the way they act? Such fools, thinking they can get rid of their problems so easily by hiring me. But humans are so foolish, so hopeless. I do this because they ask me to. And I’ve steadily lost faith in humanity…until I met you.” He pins you with his intense gaze. “You’re different. Any darkness in you is dwarfed by the light. You could have asked me to get rid of Akane, and I would have gladly done so for you. But you never did. You even tried to help her after she tried to kill you with salty water. I find you fascinating. Won’t you help me regain my hope for humanity?”

Stunned, you say nothing. He caresses your face gently before getting up and leaving, probably to give you some space.

The cold touch of his skin lingers on yours, sending shards of ice into your heart. What does it matter that you don’t fall for his hypnotism, when you’re trapped with him regardless?

The door opens a crack to reveal a cat, pushing his face through to meow at you. Suzuki trots up to you, jumping into your lap and rubbing his face against your shirt.

You know that the cats can’t open the doors by themselves, so Tadashi must have opened it for him. Why did he have to be so nice, even after all this?

❤️Garden of the Dead Flowers❤️

Synopsis:

Mila has always been very close to her grandfather, a sweet and caring man who sees the best in everyone. One night after following a cat, Mila gets sent back to the past when the Dutch colonized Taiwan. Confused and scared, her entire world is turned upside down when she witnesses her once lovable grandfather, now sixteen, brutally murder a young woman. Stuck in the past with no way back, she must navigate a 1940s nightmare and dig up some family secrets, like weeds in the garden. (Romance not between Grandfather and granddaughter)

Why you should read this: Great twists and the MC is very likable. The story is also enjoyable. The grandad is unhinged which is also great to read. Although there are "I can change him" vibes, this might not be for you if you really can't stand that.

⚠️Prison Lab⚠️

Synopsis:

Eyama Aito, a high school student, is the victim of daily bullying. At his wit's end, he is introduced to the "captivity game," where he must choose a single person to hold for a month for a chance to win a large sum of money. Giving him a valid reason for revenge, he chooses Ya Kirishima, the ringleader of his bullies. The only rule? Do not kill her.

Why you should read this: Revenge fantasy. If you are into " I don't care if two wrongs don't make a right, I just want to see blood," this is for you. No one is the good guy, and everyone sucks. This story is very dark and psychological. Like, really, REALLY dark. Probably the darkest on the list. This is the only story I would put trigger warnings around.

⭐Shen Ze⭐

Synopsis:

Xu Shenze is your normal everyday teenager. Well, almost normal. Ever since he was a child, he has had the same strange dream of a shadow, a dead town, and an impending message of death. As the shadow slowly took over his life, his parents meet a gruesome end, turning his world upside down. Now, all Xu has left is to find that town in his dreams, a place they claim God once lived, and discover the truth. Will you also join him in this nightmare?

Why you should read this: This has the best art and incredible visuals. The story is very Silent Hill, and I suspect the franchise greatly inspired it. The MC is competent, intelligent, and easy to like. He's antisocial and a little awkward as well. This story has ghosts and many gripping mysteries. I would recommend this webtoon the most out of everything on the list. Very Junji Ito.

⭐Cesare⭐

Synopsis:

Angelo da Canossa is an angelic young student during the height of Renaissance Italy. Befriending Cesare Borgia, the future inspiration for Machiavelli's 'The Prince,' the question becomes whether Canossa can remain innocent or will be drawn into the politically evil world of Florance? The main message? If you do fall, at the very least, one must be well-dressed. Even Satan can make an entrance.

Why you should read this: The fashion and the political intrigue should be enough to draw anyone in. If you are a fan of brutal history, you will enjoy this manga. The storyline can keep your attention, along with well-rounded characters. Out of all the stories, this one has the best writing.

⚠️Funouhan⚠️

Synopsis:

In a park, surrounded by cats, sits a strange man with red eyes. He's eccentric, handsome, and the type that makes a shiver go down your spine. You can request that he kill anyone you want, and he can never be prosecuted because he never does anything "illegal." Equipped with a strange power, those he helps will always come to regret it.

Why you should read this: Attractive apathetic male lead with a melodramatic and dark plot. There is clear thought put into each plot, and the story is more serialized than the others on this list. Definitely, a manga that makes you roll your eyes at humanity. There is body horror, so leave this one on the shelf if you really can't handle that.

⚠️From the Red Fog⚠️

Synopsis:

This work is a story about a boy, Rwanda, whose mother is a vicious murderer, set in England at the end of the 19th century. Rwanda, who has long been confined in the basement, grew up and left the house after a specific incident. Eventually, he arrived in the town and was picked up by a nursing home staff member and decided to live in the facility. But peaceful everyday life is only dull for Rwanda... (description taken from Mangago)

Why you should read this: FANTASTIC storyline. Although it's a bit on the edgelord side. Beautiful art. Mommy issues. Also, it's in Victorian England. This work is closest to Brutal in terms of content.

⭐Versailles of the Dead⭐

Synopsis:

Marie Anotine's twin brother, Albert, is the only survivor after the carriage travelling to France for his sister's wedding is attacked by zombies. Taking on her identity to keep the alliance alive, Albert marries Louis XV and navigates the court while hiding a dark secret underneath.