#fumbling teens

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Revali hated the water.

He wouldn’t go so far as to say it was his least favorite thing, but he certainly wasn’t a fan of the open ocean. So why had he agreed to go on this trip with his family?

Oh right, because it would allow him to miss the first week of school. While he was living it up, his friends were stuck telling their teachers all the boring things they did over the summer so they can write an essay about it in two weeks, like they did every year.

He leaned out on the railing, letting his face be hit by the warm sun and the spray of the salty sea air. There were about a hundred others also overlooking the water, lined up along the rails of the cruise ship, but he barely noticed them. Closing his eyes, he could feel the wind in his hair, flapping it about wildly until strands were stuck in his eyelashes and he had to readjust to push them away.

With his eyes closed, he could imagine he was flying through the sky, an open cockpit plane, dangling off a paraglider, or freefalling with little more than a parachute to keep him from certain death. He’d rather be there, soaring, than on the water.

His parents were on the sundeck, lounging in their reclining chairs as they both got their final few tans of the summer. Something about lying still for hours during the day stressed Revali out, though he wasn’t sure why.

He was almost sure he’d regret agreeing to this trip.

The ship was large, as expected, and Revali made a show of inspecting it. He noted the distinct burgundy color that they seemed to include throughout the ship, perhaps to offset the constant surroundings of blue from the sea and sky, but to him, it simply looked to have been inspired by blood.

The cabin he and his parents were staying in was a decent size. It had been a last-minute booking, so they did have a room smaller than what they were used to. Despite walking back to it to grab his charging phone, Revali didn’t mind the size; there wasn’t much other reason to stay inside other than to sleep anyway.

He spent a fair amount of time on the aft deck, watching a rousing game of shuffleboard being played by some very competitive guests. He was rooting for the ungodly elderly woman who he thought had a stereotypical advantage over her much younger opponent.

“Having fun?” a familiar voice called out, loud, unmistakable, and far too energetic to be anyone else.

Revali nearly fell off his chair. “Sidon?”

“Well hello, hello! I didn’t think to see you here! When you said you were going on a vacation with your family, I pictured you more in the mountains than at sea!”

“I wish,” Revali muttered, looking Sidon over. He was predictably far more comfortable at sea than Revali was.

For one, Sidon had no problem strutting around a massive cruise ship filled with thousands of people in just a pair of swim trunks. Revali wondered if it was from all the years on the swim team, or simply that Sidon knew he had abs for days and didn’t mind showing off the efforts of his hard work.

Subconsciously, Revali shrank into himself a little more, uncomfortable with the thought of roaming beyond the pool area without his shirt. Doing theater made him confident, but wandering around an entire boat full of people was different than changing backstage.

He wished he had Sidon’s hard abdominal muscles, ripples that ran down his stomach that made people instinctively want to run their hands along it just to feel the unfamiliar sensation of such a toned body…

“I didn’t realize you were on this cruise,” Revali said, snapping himself out of his daze. “What are the odds?”

Sidon laughed and sat beside his friend. They’d been good friends throughout high school, and going into senior year, very little about that had changed. They’d spent many a night with their group of friends at one house or another. Before Sidon had left for his own extended family vacation, they’d all lounged in pool floats, hitting a volleyball back and forth between each other at Zelda’s house. It had been Revali, Sidon, Zelda, Darunia, Ruto, and Makeela. That was their group, strong and unbreakable.

Though, as Revali thought about it in the brief moment between words, he figured Makeela might be the only one of them who would break off. The others were strong together, theater nerds, jocks. Makeela was the biggest jock, doing every sport the school had to offer, but she was the only one who didn’t indulge in the theater group the others had so eagerly jumped into.

“The odds,” Sidon said, considering what Revali had asked. “I am unsure. I’m afraid I’m not very good at math.”

“No, I know,” Revali jested, raising his eyebrows in excitement as his old lady gained her winning point in shuffleboard. He stood up beside his massively tall friend, looking up at him with a smirk. There were few people he didn’t mind being taller than him, and Sidon was one of the few to grace that list. “Where are you staying?”

“Oh, let me show you!” Sidon said excitedly, leading Revali back into the interior of the ship and into the areas where even a fancy carpet could tell you just how much one paid for such a ticket.

So Revali wasn’t surprised when Sidon opened the door and saw one of the luxuriously posh rooms that were available. A queen bed, and a twin were in the room, yet there was still space enough for a television and a dresser. It was far bigger than the room Revali and his family were sharing.

“Rich bitch,” Revali laughed, running his hand along one of the satin pillows.

Sidon simply shrugged, heading back into the hallway. “I don’t work, so I’m not rich. But, I must say, my parents are a bit like royalty at work, so we are well off.”

“I know. You and Zelda are just… crazy rich. I wish.”

Sidon headed down the hallway, a jump in his step as he walked. Revali took the moment to notice that the way he was walking would tighten Sidon’s shoulders, flexing some of the muscles he’d developed from years of swimming. Revali let out a low sigh and shoved his hands into his pockets as he followed Sidon uncomfortably back to the pool area. And because the cruise ship was massive, Revali noted that this was not the same pool deck that his parents were at, which set him slightly more at ease.

Claiming an area near a chair, Revali pulled his shirt over his head and let it drop over his shoes, which he also slid out of. The hairs on the back of his neck were standing up, and he whipped his head around to see Sidon staring with unmistakable attraction in his eyes, so much so that Revali had to turn away.

Since the day Revali had met him, he’d known exactly where Sidon’s personal preferences lie. And Sidon was a fair bit of a flirt. And while he was never one to make anyone feel uncomfortable, he also had no problem letting every one of his friends know just how attractive he thought they were. Revali knew he ranked high on Sidon’s list, so being ogled for a moment wasn’t the most shocking thing Revali had ever experienced.

But recently, it was shocking just how much he realized he liked being ogled, specifically by Sidon.

And that thought had Revali sinking a bit lower, reaching for one of the mini vials of sunscreen that were laid out, simply so he had something to fidget with while he kept his mind in order.

He considered himself a bit...callous. There was just something about him that kept those he liked most at bay. 

Zelda Harkinian, for example, one of his best friends, and the girl he had a massive crush on: she was gorgeous, smart, funny, a firecracker when she wanted to be and a nervous wreck at other times. He was damned near sure he loved her, but he knew she reciprocated none of his romantic feelings. He’d put out feelers, even used Sidon to find out if he had a remote chance in hell and had settled for unrequited pining when he learned just how abysmal his chances with her were.

And now, there was Sidon, his other best friend. He’d always felt something more, something different about Sidon, but he’d never been able to place it. Instead, he pushed it down, hoping it would go away and that he’d be able to look at Sidon the same way he looked at Darunia. But that never happened. 

“Revali?” Sidon asked, coming up behind him so close that Revali jumped, flinching away at Sidon’s hand on his shoulder as he tried to slow his heart.

“Yeah?”

Sidon, ever unaffected, simply let his hand fall. “You spaced out, my friend!”

“Did I?”

“You did! Come on, let’s swim, not stand around. It’s what our parents paid for, isn’t it?” He laughed as if he’d told the best joke in the world, entirely amused by himself. Revali found himself laughing along, shielding his face when Sidon jumped in with a splash, earning a harsh whistle and warning from the lifeguard. Revali, on the other hand, simply slid in, leaning casually against the side, letting his arms bask in warm rays of the sun.

“So,” Sidon asked, emerging from beneath the water and pushing his hair back. “Have you heard from anyone yet? How’s school?”

“Yeah, Zelda sent me a picture of our chemistry class. It’s pretty full. I don’t know if you’re in it that class. Oh, and she did say the show was announced. Jekyll and Hyde.”

“Ah,” Sidon said, his eyes lighting up. “So you’ll be a shoe-in for the dark, mysterious, handsome stranger and his more lovable alter-ego?”

A mischievous smirk spread along Sidon’s face. “Well, if you go out for the roll, I’ll have competition.” Did I just say that?

Even Sidon was thrown for a moment by the subtly flirty comment. “Oh. Well thank you, Revali. Though none of us stand a chance against the power of you and Zelda. Your chemistry is just… too believable. Even I get jealous of you both, and I’m not in a relationship with either of you. And you were both sculpted by the same marble that made the gods. You’re too perfect together for any of us to even consider another in a leading pair.”

Revali flushed and shook his head, scoffing at the blatant compliment, masking it with his usual haughtiness. “Go on, tell me more about how great I am.”

Sidon laughed, but his eyes never stopped holding their flirty glint. “I can if you’d like me to.”

Revali bit his lip and turned away, a small smile on his lips. “That’s alright. I’ve got enough of an ego, Zelda says.”

Sidon’s smile faltered at her name, though only for the briefest moments. “Show me that picture she sent. I want to see what everyone looks like this year. Did anyone get a horrible haircut?”

“It’s over there,” Revali said, gesturing to their things.

“I’ve got it.”

Sidon hoisted himself out of the pool with far too much grace, and Revali couldn’t help but be impressed. Or at the very least, he was impressed with the many more muscles Sidon had than he remembered after an entire summer of swimming. When he was back, Sidon slid back into the pool carefully, avoiding getting Revali’s phone wet before handing it over.

Pulling the image up quickly, Revali slid the phone back to Sidon, who was now leaning shoulder to shoulder with him against the edge of the pool. The closeness made him both excited, and incredibly anxious all at once. He only hoped he was playing it cool. This was his best friend. One misstep and he could lose him.

“Oh,” Sidon cooed with dramatic exaggeration. “They’re all so beautiful yet so miserable. Look at Darunia! He’s going to fall asleep on his feet.  Zelda is looking quite chipper though.” He turned encouragingly to Revali.

“Yeah.”

Zelda was the one taking the picture of herself, Ruto, and Darunia in chemistry class. The beakers gave it away.

Sidon zoomed the photo in, inspecting the background. “I see Groose, Medli, and…who’s that?”

Revali squinted in the glare of the sun against the screen. “That’s the criminal kid. Luke or something.”

“Link?”

“Right.”

“Hrmm,” Sidon muttered, thinking about who exactly that was. “Shame he has such a disagreeable demeanor for one so nice to look at.”

“Yeah,” Revali snorted, “You either get looks, or a winning personality. For him, it’s looks. Can’t win them all. Unless you’re me. Or you.”

Sidon was starting at his friend. Such an open comment about another man’s appearance was so unheard of from Revali. Even in the past, in jest or seriously, Revali had always managed to expertly dodge the topic.

And Revali seemed to realize his slip, too comfortable with Sidon to have kept his guard up, as he had for so long and around so many people. He immediately shook his head and groaned in annoyance with himself.

“It’s okay to feel that way, you know. He is attractive.”

Scoffing, Revali slapped his hand down into the water, a splash sprouting up. “I don’t like the asshole. He’s a murderer or something. I don’t know what he did, but I don’t like him in any way, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I like Zelda. I do like Zelda, okay?”

“That’s fine, Revali. Don’t worry about—”

“I just think I might like someone else too. Someone... who definitely isn’t Zelda.”

Revali let out a sigh of relief, glad he’d gotten the words out, though wishing he’d done so more gracefully. And wishing that it could be easier to tell Sidon that he meant him.

Sidon hesitated, unsure if he should say anything at all. But he knew how it felt to feel alone. Until high school, he’d never known another openly gay man. And just having someone who understood was far more relieving than he’d expected. 

He could do that for Revali.

“There is nothing wrong with that, Revali. Trust me.”

“No one wants to date some noob. I’ve never even flirted with a guy.”

The words struck Revali strangely. Foreign, though not inherently wrong. And, he realized, it was his first time admitting his desire aloud. 

But Sidon chuckled. “You flirt just fine with me. And the ones who judge you for any inexperience aren’t worthy of your attention or time. I’d date you, Revali… in a heartbeat. I’m not sure what that’s worth to you, but it’s the truth.”

“Wha--?”

Sidon stared at him, serious eyes holding Revali’s wide—admittedly nearly mortified—expression. Disbelief, confusion, wonder, excitement... it was all written so plainly over Revali’s features.

“Me?”

“No. My other friend named Revali. Yes, of course, you.”

“Why?”

Sidon sank back into the water for a moment, wetting his hair before returning to his place with a smile. “Didn’t you just say you have both the looks and the winning personality?”

Revali’s lips twitched up, but he didn’t say anything.

“Come on,” Sidon said, lightly tugging Revali’s arm towards the stairs leading out of the pool. “I keep getting splashed by some kid.”

Revali’s eyes darted around, and while there were other swimmers, there was no one near them. Still, he nodded and followed Sidon back over to their things where they grabbed their towels and dried off in silence. Revali threw his shirt back on, as did Sidon, much to Revali’s simultaneous disappointment and relief.

Sidon led them both to the side of the ship, leaning over the railing when they were far enough away from anyone else.

“Have you told anyone else?” he asked simply.

“No. You’re the only one.”

“Thank you, then.”

Revali snorted. “You’re my best friend. And… you know what this is like.”

Sidon made a face and shrugged. “I’m not attracted to women at all, so I don’t know your struggle as well as you think I do. But… that’s the journey, I suppose.”

“Mhmm. Sure.”

Sidon let out a groan. “I say this as your best friend: you’re impossibly negative. Come on then, I’ll kiss you so you can get it out of the way. You won’t be inexperienced, and then you can perk up and start enjoying your life. Besides, this will give you such a great story to tell one day: your first male kiss was with the most handsome man in the world.”

“Are you going to find me a mirror, then?” Revali asked, laughing to hide his nerves. “I don’t know how to do this.”

Sidon scoffed this time. “You’ve kissed plenty of girls. The logistics of it are identical.”

“Okay then,” he said, letting out a deep breath. “Go for it.”

Sidon made a face. “No. You do it. I’m not the one learning about myself.”

“Why do you have to make everything sound like a damn lesson from a meditation tape?”

“It’s not my fault I’m deep.”

In a hurried fit of adrenaline, Revali grabbed Sidon and pulled him down to meet his lips. Sidon made a surprised noise, but quickly relaxed, trying to keep his hands still, lest he scare Revali off.

Revali finally pulled away, breathless and panting with nerves, energy pulsing through him as he rode the high of his life. He was intoxicated, and leaned back towards Sidon, seeing if he was willing for a second go.

He was.

This time, Revali gave into the thrumming energy that was making his heart race. He let his hand grab Sidon’s shirt to pull him closer. He let his other hand indulge in one of the few times he’d ever be able to reach Sidon’s neck. He let it run up into his hair.

He let himself feel it all, unashamed and excited. Wild. Free.

But he felt too much. He thought about Zelda. How he still had feelings for her, and no amount of enjoyment kissing Sidon could make him forget that he was conflicted and confused.

He thought of his parents. What would he say to them? How would they react if he brought Sidon home one night as more than a friend? And the school. They were notorious gossips there. What if someone did something? What if someone said something? He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready.

“I can’t do this. I’m not... I just can’t,” he finally said aloud, pulling away from Sidon and taking a few steps backwards.

“That’s okay,” Sidon said, catching up to him. “Stop backing up; you’ll fall overboard. You don’t have to be ready yet. I’m here for you when you are, and if you ever need to talk. I’ve got your back.”

Revali was shaking, and he grabbed his wrist to steady it. “I’m so sorry. I just... I’m not there yet.”

“Don’t be. Don’t be at all.”

Trying to control his breathing took some work, but Revali nodded and rejoined Sidon on the railing, feeling the wind in his hair and looking up at the slowly setting sun, Sidon comfortably at his side, undeterred. Their friendship intact. As if nothing had happened.

Revali sighed, pushing his hair back. What he wouldn’t give to have the confidence to go homecoming with Sidon. Biting his lip, he held out his hand, still shaking. “Smaller steps?”

Sidon chuckled and nodded, grabbing Revali’s hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Smaller steps.”