#full cat

HaruCATsu

For @harukitsu

Me: I just googled what abo and pwp fanfic are and I'm not mentally scarred from the experience. 🙀

Friend: HAHAHA

Friend: welllll sorry!! I been into fanfiction since I was 13 so I had to discover those terms much younger

Me: don't be sorry you triggered my curiosity, i.e. full cat mode. :D that was a wild ride holy crap

Me: don't worry, i was at work when i googled those so i hope whoever was snoopin' on my device also got educated

I had a long conversation with someone about how they and their friend found me creepy. On the flip side, my first interaction with their friend really creeped me out.

I've noticed this happen several other times, that a person I found creepy also found me mutually creepy, and I think I have the answer:

Optimists, especially Pollyannas like myself, find pessimists unnerving and vice-versa. However, to my Pollyanna brain, the creepiness manifests as worry. I was worried that that person’s friend was just having a bad day. It’s the same type of worry that you get when you see someone high on drugs: you tense up because they might attack you but at the same time you’re worried about their wellbeing.

From their perspective, I was some random weirdo who just showed up and started talking about some very uncomfortable topics in chat. From their perspective, I missed some very “obvious” social cues that are impossible for me to detect through Internet invisibility.

My brain assumes that everyone, myself included, acts in good faith until proven otherwise. This is not the case for pessimists, who project their own pessimism onto others.

I’ve had a little less than 10 people react extremely negatively to my unwavering optimism in 2019 alone, but that is overshadowed by the sheer amount of new friends and acquaintances that I’ve made.

I am one of the most popular employees at my store. My coworkers, bar a few really pessimistic ones who hate everyone, like me. Customers go out of their way to tell my boss how they enjoyed dealing with me. I am one of the most well-liked people in my local gaming community. When I’m in court, the freakin’ bailiff and the stenographer both smile at me.

The vast majority of people react very positively to my personality. It’s just a handful of people who don’t like me and are creeped out by me. By my reckoning, less than 1 in 10 people instantly dislike me.

I guess I really had no reason to hide my likes and follows on Tumblr, when it's public on other sites.

Shhhhh only catnip now