WARNING HUGE RANT. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT THEN DON'T DO IT. START SHIT, BE READY TO EITHER SAY IT TO MY FACE AND DEAL WITH THE REPERCUSSION OR SAY IT ON HERE AND SEE WHAT GETS SAID. YOUR CHOICE Its a bad thing when a trip to wall-mart could even remotely make me this angry and want something to hit so bad. i thought i got rid of my anger but reality what i did is bottled it up till i would get so pissed i would break. i am tired of being broken. i rather be angry in the moment. i rather be me. and what sucks for the people that means:
I am honest. i don't lie. I don't just tell you what you want to hearIf i don't want to do something i will tell you usually the first few times nicely. I don't bend to other peoples bitching and moaning. if you want change fight for that change. I am not your baby sitter. you are not my baby sitter. You Don't Tell ME what i can and cannot do.If you don't like me find the door. IF you think you still have the balls to be my friend then stay. Other wise i advise you to find the unfriend button and get to clicking it.
The fun part is that it has taken me this long to figure out my anger isn't my down fall. its not my problem. it is my strength in the moment to make the decisions i need to make. it is my snap judgement that have been correct. I should have left three years ago when i had the chance.
When people see this they see a rant. Well congrats guys this is 2 months worth of thinking and wondering what i was gonna do with my self cause i invest way to much in people and getting thrown to the side. enough is enough.
I lost a friend a few years back, Her name was Newt. And i was accused of being the reason she is in such a "Dark" place. Congrats i have live in that "dark place" and am surviving. Grow up. find your way out. use your words. Yes anxiety is a thing. Yes Depression is a thing. Yes i deal with both and no they don't rule my life. YES i want to hide in the corner and not do the social things that "normal" people do. That is me. Yes i will be social but for the most part are on my grounds. Sorry if that don't work for you. In short. congrats on earning your voice. if you can stand up to me then you can stand up to anyone you bloody want, I don't feel bad for what you seem to think i did to you was so horrible and yeah i get it she will probably never read this and probably doesn't give to hoots what i have to say but CONGRATS. I AM BACK BITCHES.
I am my own person. I have always known who I am. but I let people muddle that for some stupid reason. that wanting acceptance shit and to be "Normal" Screw normal. My name is Melinda Sabin and i am SEVERELY MESSED UP IN THE HEAD. welcome to being around me. Expect Crude/morbid/dark/bad Taste Humor and many threats. Though given i would never hurt anyone i care about are very empty threats and are all around joking.
and to clarify for anyone who needs this clarified for them, YES I DO FUCKING FEEL BETTER POSTING THIS SOMEWHERE AND GETTING IT OFF MY CHEST, IF I DIDN'T I WOULD SIT HERE AND CRY FOR NO REASON AND DEAL WITH THE SUICIDAL SIDE OF MY MIND THAT JUST WANTS TO END IT ALL THAT CONGRATS I HAVE HAD SINCE HIGH SCHOOL AND IT NEVER WENT AWAY. AND NO I DON'T NEED HELP. I DEAL JUST FINE. I HAVE THE PEOPLE I TRUST TO TALK TO THAT ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THEN BEING A DRUGGED UP MESS.
to those that actually read till the end and aren't gunning for me to just shut up. You guys are Probably the ones who actually care or the ones who want a reason to start drama. i will ask nicely you don't do the latter of those choices and would just let this be exactly what you were warned that i was. a rant and nothing else. but if you feel the Great DESIRE TO ERK ME do feel free to comment. to those of you who want to have an honest conversation about what i have said you can go ahead and comment also or just shoot me a message. but don't tell me to take this down. No this is not pointed at anyone person in particular. no i don't care if you seem to think anything is particularly talking about you in one space, yes i talked about events of today. it is none of the people who were there's fault for anything that happened, i have already messaged those people and talked to them on the level that i feel is appropriate.
