#fucking basic

That's what I get for trying to be someone I'm not. Even if I thought I was doing it for all the right reasons. All that just to please other people. And for what? To send my soul to the pits of hell. I was starving and tired. Vivid dreams every night. Had to wake up every night in the middle of my sleep to do an hour of fireguard. I was made fun of and made to feel like everything I did was wrong and that I was stupid and ugly and a liar and a fake. I couldn't smile because smiling gets you smoked. I was a fucking slave to those that hated me. I kept getting more and more hurt. My body as well as my mind were being broken down bit by bit every day. Anyone I became friends with left me because they would graduate and I would stay right there. I remember one family day... they wouldn't let me go out with the others because i wasn't graduating... and the drill sergeants had left over pizza. they threw the box on the ground and i ate a slice because i love pizza and it had been so long since i had any. felt like a fucking dog. i could write a book about the whole thing but who would ever read it? it's just darkness. i did eventually get to go home but i was broken. had nightmares every night that they were coming to get me and drag me back to basic. it took a good 6 months to a year to stop having them every night. a couple times a week for years and even eight years later, i still have the nightmare 3-4 times a year... if i'm lucky.

Getting into drunken political arguments with people thrice my age about the responsibility of Europeans to encourage Maori culture and language after having actively killed a lot of it off in the first place 20k15

found my dads tumblr pls make fun of it