yesterday night when i held hands with you and danced, with your radiantly glowing and beautiful one last smile red, orange, yellow, green, an ecstasy i can’t know it doesn’t go with the world that i used to see and feel

the sound of rain hitting against the window fills the darkened room as he lays in bed, lifelessly staring up at the ceiling above. 

the boy doesn’t remember the last time he’s been out of his bedroom. it’s been months since he’s actually left his house. doesn’t want to go anywhere, refuses to see anyone. 

he closes those tired eyes of his, falling into a deep slumber, one that he hopes he doesn’t wake up from. 

the rest of the world can easily move forward without yeo changgu. 

hyunggu can’t. 

...

he finds himself in a meadow full of red and yellow flowers, accompanied by a setting sun that he slowly reaches for, as if wanting to stop it from disappearing. retracting his arm, hyunggu takes a look at an empty hand before forming a fist. there’s nothing that can be done to stop the inevitable, a lesson he learned not too long ago. 

it gradually grows darker out and memories of how a pair of mischievous idiots used to sneak out to the quidditch pitch during the night to fly around on their brooms flash before him. they’re yelling into the night and having the time of their lives, nothing stopping them from living in the moment. 

a pained smile spreads across the hurting boy’s face, tears forming and eventually slipping down pinkish cheeks. maybe if he hadn’t pushed changgu so hard, he would have lived longer. if he would have been aware that he was sick, he wouldn’t have forced him at all. 

but no matter. it’s far too late to think about would haves and what ifs. changgu is long gone and he can only stand there, sobbing into his arm. 

with all the crying that he’s doing, hyunggu hardly notices a hand being placed on a quivering shoulder. it’s not until the person behind him speaks that causes him to tense up.

“is my big baby crying? you’re going to end up with an unbearable headache if you keep on like that.” 

that voice being all too familiar, it takes less than a second to face its owner.

“hyung,” a wide eyed hyunggu whimpers. it’s not long after that his hands desperately reach for changgu’s smiling face, and when they come into contact with warm, soft skin, he realizes it’s real. this is horrifically real. “hyung!” he cries out once more before wrapping arms around his neck and tackling him down. 

changgu’s back slams against green grass, surely squashing some flowers along the way. a hearty laugh escapes the older boy’s lips after securely wrapping his arms around his best friend’s frame, and goddammit, it’s like music to hyunggu’s ears. 

they stay quiet for a few minutes, both listening to a mixture of the younger’s on and off sobs as well as their breathing. 

“hyunggu.” changgu says softly, stroking his hair. “you can’t stay behind four walls forever. you have to go out; do what i didn’t have much time to do-- live.”

...

they dance under the moonlight for what seems like hours. talking, crying, laughing, chasing, and tackling each other until it’s time to say their final good bye. 

“you’ll always be in my heart, yeo changgu.”

“i’d better fucking be, kang hyunggu.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too. i’ll be your guardian angel, looking out for you from above until we meet again.”

hyunggu sees changgu brightly smile at him for the last time before everything around him turns black.

...

he opens those once tired eyes of his, falling back into the reality he once hated, one that he hopes will get better.

the rest of the world can easily move forward without yeo changgu.

hyunggu can’t.