[From The Finding Solid Ground program workbook; topic 10 module 3.]
Why is compassion so important in the healing process?
Being gentle, fair, and encouraging makes it easier to understand
and resolve problems by:
reducing the likelihood of overwhelming emotions, making it easier to find good solutions, making it easier to stick with the process of learning/practicing
new ways of doing things.
How does harsh criticism get in the way of healing?
Being harshly critical of yourself is likely to increase your
difficulties. “Beating yourself up” with harsh criticism and/or
shaming yourself:
makes you feel badly about yourself
drains you of energy you need to make healthy changes
can make you feel like you do not deserve to be healthy or safe
Being uncaring does not help-- it hurts
Minimizing or ignoring something true does not work. Ignoring
things that are true gets in the way of finding solutions for
problems that work well for everyone.
Minimizing or ignoring feelings does not work. It does not feel
good to be told what we are thinking or feeling is not important—in
fact, this is more likely to make us more upset.
How do I get better at being compassionate with myself?
Think about what you would tell a child or adult you care deeply
about if they were in your exact same situation. If something is
true for someone else, it is only fair for it to be true for you, too.
Give yourself compassion by using the “GIVE” skill with yourself.
Be...
Gentle: We all do better when we are treated with gentle care.
Interested: Be interested in and curious about what is
happening.
Validating: Acknowledge and validate (not minimize) what is
true
in a easy mannered way
Easy mannered: Use self-talk that is calming and
encouraging, even if you’re not able to do things exactly as
you wish yet.
It is compassionate to show you care
One way to help remember how to show yourself care. Be . . .
Curious about what can help you.
Acknowledge context (i.e., things that are influencing your
current situation). For example: “My trauma-related reactions
make sense given my trauma experiences” or “It takes lots of
practice to be able to do things in new ways.”
Reflect on options before acting: Which option will best help you
make progress toward healing and recovery (getting and feeling
safer)?
Encourage yourself to put that option into practice, even (and
especially!) when you do not feel able to take a healthy step.
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DIS-SOS ORIENTATION & GROUNDING IDEAS (plus some stuff of my own in there too)--
Time
Mental orientation to present time (year, month, day, time) + body age
Name the current president
Name the last meal you had + when
Space
Mental anchor (where are you? + what are you doing/were you doing?)
5 4 3 2 1 (see - hear - touch - smell - taste)
Name 5 things you can: see - hear - feel against body - five colors - describe the room temperature
Imagine colored boxes; find objects in the room of that color, name the object, then imagine putting it away in the box (works well for young parts)
Count the number of [blank] in room (circles, squares, green things, chairs, tiles in ceiling...)
Use essential oils (the cotton swab pads)
Use an anchor object (and then preform the anchoring skill learned in therapy ie really examining and describing to self about object)
If the space is triggering-- use discrimination (compare only the differences between the present and the past, make a list of them...)
Use grounding kit, engage each sense with things in it (they were picked with specific senses in mind for each!)
Emotions + level of presence + misc
What do you feel right now, if you can name it?
How grounded or ungrounded do you feel? (See: back of the head scale; 1 - totally checked out, 5 - totally present)
What do you feel in your body?
What thoughts are you having?
Look at your grounding cards; pick a skill to try
Ask another system member to help
'I'm stuck? I can't do it!'
Set a timer, try to do minimal skill (4 4 4 breathing) for 30 seconds; success or failure, you tried-- if you want to keep going after, please do!
'It isn't working!'
Keep trying other skills; if it continues to not work, consult the crisis document (which has...more than just our crisis plan on it; it has a lot of FSG skills, maybe other ones can help...?)
Step 1: Breathe (square or 4-7-8); if breathing is too hard, try doing it with slow swing or just slow swing by itself
Step 2: While breathing deeply and/or doing slow swing still, orient and anchor (date time + body age; where you are, what you're doing, etc)
Step 3: Separate past from present-- use split screen and differentiatiom to see now vs then
Step 4: Dial down triggering material etc via regulators, as well as big emotions etc...
Step 5: Contain material that needs containing (mentally or physically), then ground again (preferably orientation + anchoring + a skill under the 'grounding' section above)
Step 6: Distract-- using items in the grounding kit might be good here, as is music or another engaging but safe activity (stay away from anything that registers as causing bodily harm-- if you have to, ie drinking, please harm reduce)
Optional step: call up safe/peaceful place imagery during Step 6
Do step 6 and optional as long as needed until feelings pass-- if they don't, consider reaching out
[Under the cut is a quick reference of the skills we find helpful, plus when and how we use them.]
TIPP skills (namely ice + paced breathing)
DBT skills (namely pro and cons lists)
Square breathing (4 4 4), following a gif to aid
Grounding
- orientation & anchoring (time: year month day time + body age; where you are what you're doing)
- differentiation (now vs then)
- use an anchor object, describe all sensory deep
- touching different textures & fabrics, describing them deeply to self
- play with grounding toy
- hug/squeeze a stuffed animal, describe senses
- do a art project with no sharps involved (clay is good, coloring is good)
- listen to music (name that tune game)
- touch or consume something hot/cold safely
- count backwards/do alphabet backwards
- journal or write a story
- use the grounding kit or items in pocket
- 5 4 3 2 1 (see - hear - touch - smell - taste)
- name 5 things you can: see - hear - feel against body - five colors - describe the room temperature
- imagine colored boxes; find objects in the room of that color, name the object, then imagine putting it away in the box (works well for young parts)
- count the number of [blank] in room (circles, squares, green things, chairs, tiles in ceiling...)
- counting the rainbow (find as many items as you can of each color of the rainbow)
- bounce a ball
- smell a strong smell
Separating past from present
- split screen imagery
Functions of the remote/TV--
On/off: Turns the entire TV on or off.
Resize: Make pictures bigger or smaller.
Volume down/up: Changes volume of a picture.
Brightness/color: Changes brightness or color of a picture. (Color toggles between color and black and white.)
Blur: Blurs a picture.
Mute: Turn sound completely off in a picture.
Fade: Fades a picture in or out. Can be used to dampen emotional effect.
Change channel: Changes a picture to a different channel.
Edit: Allows viewer permission to mentally edit what's showing on a picture. Can be used to 'rewrite' flashbacks.
Explode: Causes abuser/s of the viewer's choice to explode. Immediately changes to a preferred channel of calming/soothing/peaceful content and takes over the entire screen afterwards.
Options: Lists differentation and present day options and resources for the viewer.
How will you use these functions to separate past from present?
On/off: Reinforce conscious engagement with the split screen imagery
Resize: Reinforce the 'past' nature of flashbacks/etc (by making them smaller) and the 'present' nature of preferred calming/soothing/peaceful imagery.
Volume up/down: Same as resize, with volume down making flashbacks/etc less 'noisy' and volume up making preferred imagery 'louder'.
Brightness/color: Same as resize; with dimming a picture and black + white to represent past tense, whereas brightening and color represent present tense.
Blur: Signals that a past tense picture is not happening now.
Mute: Signals that a past tense picture is not happening now.
Fade: Same as resize; fading out represents stepping back from past tense and lowering emotional effect.
Edit: Gives 'permission' for us to mentally change what happened, allowing for relief.
Explode: Humorous thing a kid part wanted. Allows a laugh and a sense of justice, etc.
Options: Helps us remember to differentiate (what's different between then and now) + recall what OK options and resources we have now.
- containment imagery or notebook
Go through the mental process of putting the material away (in a disc, book, etc), and then into a container; secure the container; do again for a larger one
If physical: write it down, then lock intentionally
Everything needs intention and details (needs to be done very intentionally to work)
- differentiation, again (now vs then basically)
Deep breathing + slow swing imagery together
Peaceful place imagery
Gauge imagery, regulator imagery, pause button
Color scale--
(Blue - calm/etc, green - ok, yellow - slight elevation, orange - increased risk, red - danger)
Number scale--
(1 - lowest, 2 - second lowest, 3 - typically baseline, 4 - elevated, 5 - highest)
2 [Number and color] Emotional state/mood: blue/1 - rad, green/2 - good/okay, yellow/3 - meh/baseline, orange/4 - bad, red/5 - awful (see Daylio for further emotions)
3 [Number] Sense of safety: blue/1 - calm, green/2 - ok or slightly unsafe, yellow/3 - wary or somewhat unsafe, orange/4 - nervous or unsafe, red/5 - anxious and very unsafe
4 [Number and color] Sense of overwhelm - blue/1 - calm, green/2 - ok, yellow/3 - slightly overwhelmed and distressed, orange/4 - overwhelmed and distressed, red/5 - very overwhelmed and distressed, need help
5 [Number] BATHS - blue/1 - very dissociated, green/2 - somewhat dissociated, yellow/3 - middle/baseline/slightly dissociated but also slightly present, orange/4 - somewhat present, red/5 - very present
Regulators--
For 1 (impulse): a volume dial; turning to the right increases, turning to the left decreases
For 2 (emotion/mood): ...also a volume dial; turning to left cools the mood down so to speak
For 3 (sense of safety): also a volume dial; turning right helps ease into a sense of safety
For 4 (sense of overwhelm): pressure valve, turning right releases, turning left tightens
For 5 (BATHS): it's all volume dials really; turning to the right increases the sense of groundness
Pause button--
A big red button with a paw that has the pause symbol in the middle of it
FSG skills
When/how to use them
Grounding (orientation and anchoring)
When:
- feeling too much/too little [dissociation]
- feeling the beginnings of distress/etc
- a few times each day [practice/reinforcement]
How:
- orientation (time, age, date) + anchor (where you are and what you're doing) while using slow swing imagery + deep breathing if possible
- differentiation (separate past from present; what is different now vs then) + containment (mental imagery or physical in notebook)
Separating past from present
When:
- something feels like the past did [emotional flashback]
- triggered or flashbacking in general
- a few times each day [practice/reinforcement]
How:
- differentiation (what is different from the past)
- split screen imagery (turn down past, up present, etc)
- containment (put away materials for later)
Split screen imagery
When:
- having flashbacks
- positive/calming imagery is needed
-- we need a reminder of options
- a few times each day [practice/reinforcement]
How:
- minimize the past material, smaller duller etc
- differentiation + breathing while we do this
- fade out the past with present or calming imagery
- access options as needed
Containment imagery
When:
- memories are distressing
- ruminating happens
- having flashbacks
- a few times each day [practice/reinforcement]
How:
- go through the mental process of putting the material away (in a disc, book, etc), and then into a container
- secure the container; do again for a larger one
- if physical: write it down, then lock intentionally
- everything needs intention and details
Deep breathing
When:
- grounding
- feeling too much/too little
- very angry
How:
- combined with slow swing imagery, up on inhale, down on exhale
- follow along with a square breathing gif
Slow swing imagery
When:
- we find deep breathing to be too difficult
- feeling too much/too little
How:
- imagine going slowly up and down on the swing
- go up with the inhale, down on the exhale, etc
Peaceful place imagery
When:
- feeling unsafe
- parts are in conflict [use private spaces]
- someone needs to calm down
How:
- imagine internal self in the safe place
- imagine doing things such as locking door, etc
- do something calming on the inside
- to reinforce the imagery, we can draw it
Gauge imagery
- a few time through the day [checking in]
- feeling 'bad' but unsure why [overview why]
- feeling urges [assess risk]
- feeling overwhelmed [assess strength].
- feeling dissociated [check level]
- feeling unsafe [assess level]
How:
- imagine it and bring it up into mind's eye
- approach the control panel and look at it
- write down what the colors/etc are as a log
Regulator imagery
- as needed in conjunction with checking gauges
- when needing to lower level of overwhelm
- when needing adjust strength of a mood
- when needing lower dissociative feeling
- when needing to increase sense of safety
How:
- check the gauges, adjust as needed (turn the release valve, adjust the dials...)
Pause button
When:
- when impulse risk is high
- when someone is about to make a choice that others are concerned about
- a few times each day [practice/reinforcement]
How:
- imagine the control panel and press the button
- talk out choice/risk with another part or 'with' F/Os
The main container looks about the same as the one in Layer 2's front room.
It is a long (horizonally) closet-like area with an industrial sliding door (it opens right to left). It is painted an industrial gray with accents of cautionary colors like yellow and black. It's got a sci fi feel or sorts.
Across the middle of it horizontally, in a futuristic font, reads CONSTEL 5 CONTAINMENT. Below that, slgihtly offset, a white arrow points right to left with the words OPEN THIS WAY beside it.
There is a small industrial strobe light (red) and a speaker beside the container to the right of where the sliding door seals. When you open the container, it has three long shelves. The shelves are strong metal. The floor and walls are cement.
What's it made of?
Metal, cement.
Does it have any special properties?
No? I don't know what this means, really. I might try to figure out how we could 'make' it warn if there's a breach.
Where is it? Is it even in the inner world?
It's built into the right 'wall' of the lone 'room' that Constel 5 is currently. It's near to where Zero is perceived inside.
What kind of closing mechanism does it have?
When you close the container, the speaker blares 'SEALING CONTAINER. STAND CLEAR.' as an alarm sounds and the store light flashes. The container door seals-- you can hear pistons and such moving and then the sound of a final lock.
My, Fractal's individual container--
What does it look like?
It's a document file box. Dark blue with silver accents for the padlock and ley, and a black handle. It's uh 17Lx9Wx12H.
A large white label on the front has my name in medium stroke width black font. There's a circular pink and white 'Handle with care!' sticker as well, on the right, covering the corner of the name label.
What's it made of?
Metal.
Does it have any special properties?
Again, I don't really understand what this means, or at least what it'd look like for a file box.
Where is it? Is it even in the inner world?
It's in the Constel 5 main/group container, against the far left wall on the middle shelf.
FSG Module 2 Topic 5 Written Practice/Exercise 1: Developing Your Own Split Screen Imagery
Describe your split screen imagery.
What does the TV look like?
Modern flat-screen TV. Black with a LCD screen. Built in speakers.
What functions and controls does your TV have?
On/off: Turns the entire TV on or off.
Resize: Make pictures bigger or smaller.
Volume down/up: Changes volume of a picture.
Brightness/color: Changes brightness or color of a picture. (Color toggles between color and black and white.)
Blur: Blurs a picture.
Mute: Turn sound completely off in a picture.
Fade: Fades a picture in or out. Can be used to dampen emotional effect.
Change channel: Changes a picture to a different channel.
Edit: Allows viewer permission to mentally edit what's showing on a picture. Can be used to 'rewrite' flashbacks.
Explode: Causes abuser/s of the viewer's choice to explode. Immediately changes to a preferred channel of calming/soothing/peaceful content and takes over the entire screen afterwards.
Options: Lists differentation and present day options and resources for the viewer.
How will you use these functions to separate past from present?
On/off: Reinforce conscious engagement with the split screen imagery.
Resize: Reinforce the 'past' nature of flashbacks/etc (by making them smaller) and the 'present' nature of preferred calming/soothing/peaceful imagery.
Volume up/down: Same as resize, with volume down making flashbacks/etc less 'noisy' and volume up making preferred imagery 'louder'.
Brightness/color: Same as resize; with dimming a picture and black + white to represent past tense, whereas brightening and color represent present tense.
Blur: Signals that a past tense picture is not happening now.
Mute: Signals that a past tense picture is not happening now.
Fade: Same as resize; fading out represents stepping back from past tense and lowering emotional effect.
Edit: Gives 'permission' for us to mentally change what happened, allowing for relief.
Explode: Humorous thing a kid part wanted. Allows a laugh and a sense of justice, etc.
Options: Helps us remember to differentiate (what's different between then and now) + recall what OK options and resources we have now.
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Healthy ways to help myself when feeling too little or too much
Signs of being ungrounded
Mental:
- feeling strong emotions like anxiety, worry, etc
- feeling overwhelmed
- feeling it's hard to think clearly
- feeling spacey or confused
Physical
- feeling unreal
- feeling disconnected
- feeling like you're outside/to the left of your body, watching yourself
Healthy ways to get grounded
Mental:
- orient and anchor (date + age, location, situation; use something like 54321)
- find all the [blanks] (shapes, colors, etc...) in the area and count them mentally
- use discrimination (past vs present, what is different now)
- name: the current president; what you ate last and when...
Physical:
- deep breathing
- touching surfaces and mentally describing the textures, temperatures, and other features in detail
- use an anchor item (deeply examine the object and describe to yourself as many features as possible in detail; use all senses)
Willing to try, practice, or do
Write poetry
Write a story
Write in journal
Color
Do a word search
Car games (ex: license plates of various states, different colors or models of car...)
Name that tune (put music on shuffle + try to name)
Play video game that uses motion controls or has you making decisions
Push feet into the ground - alt between strong and soft
What we've tried before that was helpful
Name and describe different textures (how they feel, temperature, comparison to other items, etc) to self in detail
Counting the rainbow (find as many items as you can of each color of the rainbow)
Now vs then (5 things better than the past, or just different)
5 senses grounding
Mindful/box breathing/etc
Orient and anchor skill
Hug or touch a plushie and notice the texture, etc
Bounce a ball
Play with a grounding toy
Eat something cold or warm
Smell a strong scent
Rub or hold a grounding object
Other/misc
Time
Mental orientation to present time (year, month, day, time) + body age
Name the current president
Name the last meal you had + when
Space
Mental anchor (where are you? + what are you doing/were you doing?)
5 4 3 2 1 (see - hear - touch - smell - taste)
Name 5 things you can: see - hear - feel against body - five colors - describe the room temperature
Imagine colored boxes; find objects in the room of that color, name the object, then imagine putting it away in the box (works well for young parts)
Count the number of [blank] in room (circles, squares, green things, chairs, tiles in ceiling...)
Use essential oils (the cotton swab pads)
Use an anchor object (and then preform the anchoring skill learned in therapy ie really examining and describing to self about object)
If the space is triggering-- use discrimination (compare only the differences between the present and the past, make a list of them...)
Use grounding kit, engage each sense with things in it (they were picked with specific senses in mind for each!)
Emotions + level of presence + misc
What do you feel right now, if you can name it?
How grounded or ungrounded do you feel? (See: back of the head scale; 1 - totally checked out, 5 - totally present)
What do you feel in your body?
What thoughts are you having?
Look at your grounding cards; pick a skill to try
Ask another system member to help
'I'm stuck? I can't do it!'
Set a timer, try to do minimal skill (4 4 4 breathing) for 30 seconds; success or failure, you tried-- if you want to keep going after, please do!
'It isn't working!'
Keep trying other skills; if it continues to not work, consult the crisis document (which has...more than just our crisis plan on it; it has a lot of FSG skills, maybe other ones can help...?)
Okay, so we're back to topic 5 of FSG-- which is imagery to help with separating past from present, i.e. split screen and containment imagery. I...don't really like the split screen, I prefer to just go through discernment (name differences) but I like containment imagery, so I'll start practicing that daily with the grounding and stuff. It says to practice first with neutral and positive things, so...yeah.
Module 2 topic 4 written exercise 2: noticing differences between past and present
Did you ground?-- Yes.
What resources do you have now that you didn't have then? (Examples: safer living space; safer access to money; safer access to things you need?)
Uh, I...guess it's slightly safer access to money and things I need. I can buy stuff and have accounts they can't access. This question is really difficult.
What personal strengths do you have now that you didn't then? (Example: do you know more ways now to help yourself or get help? are you better able to see options? Etcetera)
I have a lot more knowledge about what options are, and can actually act on them. I know ways to get help. I am sometimes able to see there are more options and potentially actually utilize them. I am older now. I know what isn't okay. I'm physically bigger.
Are the people around more okay than in the past? Do you have more say in who you are around? Are you more aware of people you can talk to if others are not okay? (Examples: friends, treatment team, etcetera.) List them.
People are sort of better now, to a degree, when outside the house at work or temple, etcetera. I have a tiny bit more say in who I can with-- or at least sometimes have the ability to remove myself from those who aren't okay. I am aware there's many more people who I can talk to; and who can help. These people include friends (this includes Michael), our treatment team, maybe people at temple, possibly people at 9-5 work? (unsure), and... I think that's all.
Are there other ways the present is (or things that make the present feel safer/more positive/hopeful to be in)?
Uh, the fact it literally can't happen the same way again. The...comfort objects and anchors help? Is that a proper answer? The fact I can lock my door. The fact I can technically leave the house and go somewhere else if I really really need to.
I think I'm missing things. I don't know. I feel weird. The body started crying doing this exercise. I think someone inside (the same person from before?) is...upset? I don't know.
