#frustratingashell

The plan was to go for a quick 5k easy pace run after work.....I got it done. - I think I'll have to be a little more careful where I run for the next few weeks...it was really frustrating having to avoid all the deep/wide puddles of ice-filled water while trying not to slip in the mud. - #unplannedmudrun #5kmeasyrun #dodgingpuddles #frustratingashell #fitat46💪 #healthylifestyle #healthychoices

Fuck sake this class is getting to me. I’m glad I’m getting paid for it. Otherwise I’d quit. First, the instructor is a try hard dick and now I have to write about a scenario I cannot connect with. I have to write what I would feel and what I would say/do when a really close friend leaves for over a year or whatever. Fuck if I know. My connections with people are minimal. I keep people as company out of boredom. I don’t expect to connect with others because we are always worlds different. Friendships don’t last and empathy is pretty non existent. Easy solution would be to lie but then those in the class who know me even a little bit would know I’m lying and if the instructor finds out I lie then the assignment will be rejected. I wish I could just not do this assignment. But I have to if I want to complete this course and get paid.

I hate letting people get close anymore. But it's a little too late for that. I've been upset tonight. He gives me advice & as we're hanging up, he makes one stupid, not that funny of a comment but he brings a smile to my face & makes my night better. I wanna drive to his house & hug him & come right back home but I can't. Gah. I'm starting to love him on accident. I'm not a fan, & it freaks me out because I know I'm gonna get hurt, but at the same time, I really don't care. I love waiting for him to text or call or randomly show up at my house. He's pretty great! Bedtime! We have a field trip day at work tomorrow. xo T