#fromdownhere

I was in the shower,

I've never really believed. It's never really felt real. For a while I thought, just maybe. But I realize now that I was forcing it upon myself. And that shouldn't be the case. I felt as if I had to believe in order to be liked by people. I was afraid of losing those who I held so dear. Now I see that although this is honestly true to an extent (which is pitiful and pathetic), there are others that feel the exact same. Then there are believers who will accept you for who you are. Those are the Christians I love. Because, and correct me if I'm wrong, this here Jesus fellow loved everyone unconditionally. No matter what. Even those who hated him, he supposedly treated them as a friend. And if anything has stuck out to me while being doused in rules and regulations, it's to strive to make yourself more like him (with a capital H). So it's when I see these Christians that discriminate against non-believers, followers of another religion, gays, or just anyone with a different view than theirs that I immediately want to turn and run away. I would feel so incredibly guilty when I'd be sitting down, listening to things being preached about how all of this is so "wrong". In no way do I want to be associated with it. It makes me cringe. It all seems so, yes, I'll say it, hypocritical. I hate how that word has become synonymous with Christianity, but  when you see people who can  be so cruel to others then turn around and praise this man who "loves us so", it's confusing.