#friendly encounters

I had one of the funniest incidents at the grocery store with my fiancé today. We've had quite a few so far everywhere we go, we just seem to draw attention. I blame my fiancé, he has so much energy and he's always joking about something and being a total nerd. I've never been noticed so much as when I'm with him. Also, I think our age difference does it. We're ten years apart, but I also look like I'm about 18, although I'm nearly 30. So here we are, being goofy together as we shop, and I'm distracted by some delicious Mexican sweet bread in the bakery, so I'm putting a few in a bag. I can't remember exactly what we were joking around about, I think he was being distracting rubbing my neck as I'm trying to bag some bakery goodies. I make fun of him for his random timing to give me a neck massage, and he says "What, I'm not supposed to be touching you now?" and I poke fun and say well, yeah. He stops, takes a step back with a grin on his face and his hands in the air. Suddenly, this lovely older African American woman comes up beside me in an electric cart and remarks on how cute my boots are. She's very sweet and complimenting me.... then asks if this man next to me is treating me right. I laugh and tell her, "Well, I told him to stop touching me and he did, so I think we're good." She seemed a bit stern as she looked at him and next said "Good, if you don't treat her right, I will put you on the ground in front of my cart and I will run you over." I can't help that I was laughing out loud, as she's threatening my fiancé and I'm now being protected by this sweet but fierce older woman. I thought for the most part she was joking along with us, but my fiancé seems to think she was serious and perhaps thought he was some old creeper bothering a young girl in the grocery store. That made me laugh even more when he told me that later. She was sweet and good humored during our encounter, and I do love that perhaps she was making sure I was alright over there. My fiancé told her that if he ever wasn't treating me right, he would throw himself in front of her cart and would let her run him down. I told her that he's my fiancé and of course I would let her. She could tell we are just a couple of madly in love nerds goofing off with each other and congratulated us, then went on her way. We bumped into her a few more times and joked each time. We wished each other a happy Thanksgiving as we left, in case we never ran into each other again before then.

One Small Life, Briefly Safe

One time, before the pandemic, I was dog sitting two sweet pups in Gillette, NJ—clients I cared for regularly. During one of our outdoor play sessions, I accidentally threw a ball into the neighbor’s yard, which happened occasionally. As usual, I went to retrieve it.

As I walked toward the ball, I noticed a large spider, and orb weaver, resting in the middle of her web that was attached to the fence and a bush, stretched gracefully across my path. I slowed down, uncertain if I could get around her without disturbing anything.

To my surprise, the spider seemed to notice me. She gathered up part of her web and carried herself with it to one side, and perched herself on the bush that her web was attached to clearing the space between us. It was like she said, “I see you. I’m not going to hurt you. Just go ahead.” I watched her in awe—delicate, careful, aware. She let me retrieve the ball and return the way I came without a single thread catching on me. Before I left, I gently thanked her out loud, as I turned back to notice she was still watching me. I knew she didn’t understand my words, but maybe she understood that I didn’t mean her harm.

I still think about her — her awareness, her grace, and how she chose to make room for me rather than flee or defend. It felt surreal. Quiet. Profound.

Then, much later, I had another unexpected encounter with a spider at my retail job while sweeping behind the registers.

She was big, fuzzy—not shiny—and moved with a calmness that surprised me. I believe she was a wolf spider. She walked right across one of the mats near me, and as I swept calmly, she stayed near. We seemed to move in sync, as if we were doing a little dance—me with my broom and dustpan, her pacing gently beside. I looked at her, and she looked like she was watching me back.

She didn’t dart away. She didn’t freeze in fear. She stayed close, mirroring me as I walked backwards, sweeping as I went. It felt oddly playful. Sweet. Like a brief shared understanding. I left that moment feeling something soft and special—like I'd been trusted.

A night or two later, I found a spider of the same kind near the front of the store, lying still outside the queue line. She was dead. She hadn’t been crushed, just still—laying on her side. I think someone probably saw her and panicked—killed her on impulse.

I don’t know for sure if it was the same spider. But I’d like to believe that brief, peaceful moment we shared meant something to her, in her own way. That for a few minutes of her short life, she wasn’t feared or crushed—she was seen.

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Food for Thought:

Most spiders want nothing from us but peace. They observe, adapt, and often choose retreat over confrontation. If we paused—just for a moment—to recognize their presence, to move gently instead of fearfully, how many quiet encounters might blossom into unexpected moments of connection?

May we all learn to walk a little softer. There’s more trust in the world than we realize—sometimes even on eight legs.

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Please share if this touched you.

Spiders are often misunderstood, feared, or crushed without a second thought. But sometimes, all they want is to exist quietly beside us. Maybe a moment like this could help someone else pause, look a little closer, and choose kindness instead of fear. 🌿🕷️

castielisback