#freyarants

to be honest, i would rather have ppl assume that i've officially renounced all my attraction to the opposite gender. to admit that i am still capable of being swayed by their charms, i find it to be extremely embarrassing. also, i figured out that it's a good enough reason for their kind to leave me alone, considering most of them do not possess the visuals that i am looking for anyway. however, i think the desire to be perceived as completely uninterested in men is merely another manifestation of the internalized biphobia that i have long been struggling with. i can not say that i am very proud of that either.

probably the reason why i have a hard time constructing poems is because i always want for it to rhyme. i know that they don't necessarily have to and there are plenty of poems out there that prove it somehow still works perfectly but i couldn't quite appreciate a poem enough if it doesn't deliver a sweet melody to my ears. so i always want mine to rhyme. but then again, i'm terrible at coming up with same-sounded words to bring a passionate end to a line. so, i don't really write poems that much.

i do not fear winking out of existence and never seeing the light of day again, i just fear this happening at the wrong state and at the wrong time

my feelings are so confusing that even i cannot sort them out and put them in boxes with specific labels and make them stay like that for a while so i could carefully study each and every one of them because they're constantly shifting and running around my head and it's frustrating because i feel like i need to classify and organize them but i can't

I’m sick of my current self. I don’t want to be this person that I’ve become anymore. I want to change. I don’t know exactly what kind of change I’m craving for. But I desperately want it now. I’m tired. So, so tired of being in this body, in this head. I’m drained. Devoid of happiness. I want to escape. To get away from myself. But that’s physically impossible. You cannot just detach yourself from your body and obtain a new one. And even if you do, you still take your thoughts with you. The things that you really need to run away from. I just don’t know anymore. I can’t think straight. I’m really really exhausted. Mentally and emotionally. I need help.