#frenchdaddy

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8:51 p.m : I let go. 

So it’s one of those nights again. He didn’t put any effort in trying to talk to me today again. I’ve already grown detached at this part and I feel sad, for multiple reasons. When one of our mutual friends idea of “little” or “minimal” effort to keep a conversation with me, or respond to me, is greater than what daddy has given me in the past week- there is a big problem. When I messaged him about not being able to sleep because I kept waking up every few minutes to hours thinking about him and his response is to log off without even a goodnight lmao. When I give him more attention in a day than he has in the span of a week. He won’t even give me one hour. It breaks my heart so much because I’m so ready to leave. As much as I want to be with him, there are some things he won’t fix even after I tell him it hurts me. How can you tell someone you love them when you put little to no effort in having conversation with them at least once a day. I did everything I could to make it obvious I wanted to spend time with him and his response was “I’m not avoiding you, I just thought you were busy so I started playing some games with my friends.” Sure, for an entire week when I constantly hinted I’m playing games and was hoping he’d join, or maybe he would ask me to join him. Neither of these things happened. There is only so much I can take from him. I don’t know if  I should just smoke more, or to cry and try to fall asleep. Its 2 a.m and I can’t ease my nerves. Tomorrow is going to be the exact same shit. I’m going to be disappointed no matter how little I expect from him, my heart is still going to be broken. There is literally nothing I could do about this situation because I don’t want to blow it up like I did last time. It pains me to know that everything that hurts me now, there is only 2 ways to end it. I need to completely stop thinking about him and move on, or he needs to make a move. And the one more likely to happen is me leaving and moving on.